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Screenplay / Mack Steel - Fearless Zombie Killer (Analysis)
EXT. OVERCAST DAY, URBAN LANDSCAPE
MACK STEEL struts into frame, sporting dark aviator shades,
leather jacket and a weapon (chainsaw for preference, large
blade if we can’t get one). He strikes a heroic pose -
showing off the weapon and staring past camera into the
middle distance.
Titles slam in:
"MACK STEEL
FEARLESS ZOMBIE KILLER"
Cut to black.
INT. DARKENED BEDROOM - MORNING
The corpsified body of ZOMBIE BOB lays on the bed fully dressed in a ragged shirt and tie, eyes open and staring.
The room is trashed.
The digital alarm clock clicks from 6.59 to 7.00. The alarm clock goes off.
Zombie Bob sits up slowly and pushes the alarm clock off the table and on to the floor. The alarm sound ceases.
Zombie Bob lurches to his feet and shuffles out of the room.
EXT. STREET - MORNING
ZOMBIE BOB and a number of other zombies shuffling down the
middle of the street.
EXT. OUTSIDE AN OFFICE BLOCK - MORNING
ZOMBIE BOB and his zombie coworkers shuffle towards the
building. Zombie Bob spots ZOMBIE JANE heading into the
building.
Zombie Bob shuffles out of the main flow of zombies.
Zombie Bob fights with a bush to pull out a dead branch. He
carries the dead branch into the office.
INT. OFFICE - DAY
Many zombies, including ZOMBIE JANE, are sat at computers
bashing their hands into the keyboards. There is a stuffed
COW toy on Zombie Jane’s desk.
ZOMBIE BOB shuffles over to Zombie Jane and offers her the
dead branch.
Zombie Jane takes the dead branch and looks up at Zombie
Bob. Zombie Bob looks back at her for some romantic zombie
eye contact.
Zombie Bob shuffles off to his own desk. Zombie Jane watches
him go.
EXT. CAR PARK - DAY
MACK STEEL’s head and shoulders, driving a car with windows
down and arm resting on the window ledge.
Wider shot shows small crappy car. Mack Steel gets out of
the car. Turns to retrieve his weapon. The back of his
leather jacket reads: FEARLESS ZOMBIE KILLER.
Mack struggles to get his weapon out of the car’s small
door. It gets stuck a couple of times then he rives it
loose.
Mack kisses his SILVER medallion then tucks it back into his
T-shirt.
Mack struts towards the office building, casually beheading
a zombie that he passes.
INT. OFFICE CANTEEN - DAY
ZOMBIE BOB shuffles through the canteen with a tray piled
high with gore, flesh and a SKULL. He sees ZOMBIE JANE sat
at a table alone looking at him.
Zombie Bob lurches towards Zombie Jane’s table. He reaches
the table.
The sound of a door slamming open. Moans and grunts from
zombies. The sound of Mack’s weapon. Zombie Bob and Zombie
Jane look towards the noise.
MACK STEEL stands in the doorway holding a severed zombie
head in one hand and a weapon in the other. He turns his
head to survey the scene.
All zombies except Bob and Jane begin shuffling towards Mack
Steel.
Zombie Bob drops his tray and reaches a hand to Zombie Jane.
She gets up and takes his hand. They shuffle towards the
back door of the canteen.
Mack Steel deals death to zombies coming towards him. He
looks up out of the fray and sees Zombie Bob and Zombie Jane
as they exit the canteen. Then gets back into the fight.
INT. CORRIDOR - NEXT
ZOMBIE BOB and ZOMBIE JANE shuffle along the corridor hand
in hand. Zombie Bob pulls Zombie Jane over to a door. They
open a door and go through it.
INT. CUPBOARD - NEXT
ZOMBIE BOB and ZOMBIE JANE stand huddled together in the
near dark in a cupboard.
INT. CANTEEN - NEXT
MACK STEEL stands above a pile of zombie bodies. He takes
off his aviators, cleans them and then puts them back on.
He stalks towards the door that Bob and Jane left through.
INT. CUPBOARD - NEXT
ZOMBIE BOB puts his arm around ZOMBIE JANE. She looks up at
him.
INT. CORRIDOR - NEXT
MACK STEEL struts along the corridor, shoes clomping.
INT. CUPBOARD - NEXT
ZOMBIE BOB and ZOMBIE JANE listen to the clomp of Mack’s
footsteps.
INT. CORRIDOR - NEXT
MACK STEEL looks through a door.
Mack Steel looks through another door. A zombie groan. Mack
goes through the door and there’s the sound of dismembering
and fighting.
Mack comes out of the door.
Mack carries on down the corridor.
INT. CUPBOARD - NEXT
MACK’s footsteps echo, then stop.
ZOMBIE BOB and ZOMBIE JANE stand still.
The footstepe continue and fade away.
Silence.
Zombie Bob shuufles to the door.
The door flies open. Mack leaps through the door weapon
raised. Zombie Bob dodges. Mack flails into the back of the
cupboard.
Zombie Bob pushes Zombie Jane towards the door of the
cupboard. She gets away.
Mack raises his weapon again. Zombie Bob grabs Mack’s arm.
They struggle. Zombie Bob bites Mack. Mack screams. Zombie
Bob pushes Mack back into the cupboard and shuts him in.
INT. CORRIDOR - NEXT
ZOMBIE BOB breaks the handle off of the door.
He and ZOMBIE JANE shuffle off down the corridor.
INT. CUPBOARD - NEXT
MACK STEEL tries to open the door. It won’t budge.
INT. CORRIDOR - NEXT
ZOMBIE JANE and ZOMBIE BOB shuffle away quickly.
INT. CUPBOARD - NEXT
MACK STEEL kicks down the door.
INT. CORRIDOR - NEXT
ZOMBIE JANE and ZOMBIE BOB shuffle away quickly.
They hear MACK STEEL’s footsteps behind them.
They keep going.
Mack’s footsteps speed up.
They keep going.
Mack’s footsteps speed up and get much closer.
Zombie Bob turns. Mack slices into him.
Zombie Jane backs away. She reaches a hand towards Zombie
Bob.
Mack chops Zombie Bob up. He hacks and hack at him. Blood
sprays up into Mack’s face.
Mack steps back from the body. He takes his aviators off and
wipes his face.
Zombie Jane jumps on Mack from behind and bites him on the
shoulder. They sink to the floor. Zombie Jane kills Mack.
Zombie Jane, her face covered in blood, crawls over to
Zombie Bob. She cradles his dismembered arm in her lap.
Fade to black.
TITLES
Put all our credits here.
INT. CORRIDOR - DAY
ZOMBIE MACK STEEL opens his eyes. He sits up and looks
around.
Mack locates his aviators on the floor. He puts them on.
He sees Zombie Jane sat nearby, reaches in his jacket for a
breath freshening spray, and sprays.
Zombie Mack crawls over and puts his hand on Zombie Jane’s
shoulder.
Zombie Jane looks around and punches Mack in the face.
Cut to black.
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squarehopper reviewed Version 1 -
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sitting not sat – appeared twice.
The flow is good. It moves fine from scene to scene and there are no logic errors. The story line is easy enough to follow even if it is cliche.
I understand this it supposed to be humorous and different. A twist on the horror story – Mack being the monster and the zombies being the victim and Mack ending up becoming a monster at the end. I did chuckle as I was slightly amused by the idea. As a 10 minute film this may work, but I don’t feel this will get a strong reaction from the judges overall. There is just not enough cleverness and smartness to make the audience feel like they saw something really different.
What about adding some inside jokes and symbolism through props? Posters showing movies with similar themes (but with the roles reverse?) A romance novel being read by zombie Jane? Bob waking up to a “wet dream” instead of an alarm clock?
Bob walking and notice manikins in embrace? The possibilities are endless. You can also poke fun with using references to things that play on similar ideas – King Kong, Bride of Frankenstein, etc….
Good luck.
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KarmaSutra reviewed Version 1 -
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The synopsis left little to the imagination but I thought I’d give it a shot.
I’m glad that I did! This is wonderfully funny and entertaining. I see it as an homage to great zombie/spoof films. Though nothing has been out which successfully integrates both genres like this treatment does.
Obviously there are some technical flaws but this was forewarned and won’t be mentioned.
I love the idea that zombies wake up everyday and carry on with their non-lives. It’s a wonderful allegory bewtween those sleeping sheeple who sleep their way through their everyday lives passionless.
If I had one critique it would be to expand on this idea into a full 90 page script and not waste this idea on a short.
Update me if you choose. I’ll be reading.
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