Poetry / Life Goes On

I like the theme of love in the background. It reminds me so much of rapper and poet TUPAC. You have nice works such as, ‘Ashes become flames once again
Slowly the people we were emerge
Softly we blow out the fire
Knowing whats best for all
And how life must go on.’

This is like these to use to be lover coming back together, and they are still in love but they make no mistakes and move on.

• add/view comments (1)

July 04, 2009

by DLCW

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
10	71.4% (7 votes)	6.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
29	F	Amesbury, MA	August 25

It is an honor to be compared to Tupac he was a brilliant man. Thank you so much for this great review.

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.

I love this, I really do. I can strongly relate to this. My boyfriend and I have been together for about five years the last two years kind of on and off. Currently, he is now my ex boyfriend who is now married and everytime we meet up for coffee or just talking there is that intense attraction that is still there. I guess that we can never really get over own first love. Something is always going to be there. I really do like the way you wrote this, very nicely done.

• add/view comments (1)

July 03, 2009

by DLCW

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
10	71.4% (7 votes)	6.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
29	F	Amesbury, MA	August 25

thanks

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.

You have a very realistic point of view regarding life as noted in the opening line:  Moments became years…

And now I don’t know you…may be said a better way as it now sounds like a letter, speaking directly to the person.  That concept follows through the next lines then you move in another direction.  First or second person view?  

We are shells of those young lovers…very nice visual.
Pennies in a fountain rusted over…and here the concept of time is reinforced.

Hearts racing, eyes smiling…it is fulfilling for the reader to feel the emotions rekindled and the importance of the relationship as it was and somehow still exist.

Ashes become flames once again…but were they ever ashes.  The science of it is wrong.  You may better use smoldering or pale red, or something which shows the fire never really died as in ashes.

Softly we blow out the fire…softly is a very nice touch.
Knowing whats best for all…try to rework this line it is too simple for the depth of the rest of the piece.
You are a very talented writer and visualist.  I would like to see colors added to the piece; the red of passion, grey of age or patina.  And textures, crackling of age or wisdom, chains which bound…like that.  It is a very good piece as it stands.  I gave you a 10 and moved it to my favorites!

• add/view comments (2)

July 04, 2009

by DLCW

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
10	71.4% (7 votes)	6.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
29	F	Amesbury, MA	August 25

Thank you I will work on the piece and repost that is a great honor to be moved to someone’s favorites. Thank you for the advice and kind words.

July 04, 2009

by sadpoet

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
404	86.5% (178 votes)	86.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
100	F	United States	November 07

The work IS very good!  Please email me when you revise.  I would like to see it again.
Thank you

You must login to the site or create an account in order to post a comment.