Poetry / Thinking thoughts (Analysis)
Stammering over my own thoughts,
Again and again,
Falling deeper and deeper into them,
Over thinking the one thing that doesnt need thought about.
Thinking shouldn't cause so much pain,
Thinking shouldn't cause so much hatred.
Thinking shouldn't make me feel this.
Thoughts are supposed to be kept to yourself,
Not supposed to be shared with everyone and anyone,
Not supposed to be said aloud ,
Not to supposed to be over thought,
Thinking is no longer a sacred thing.
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Thanks for emailing me that you had new stuff up! Your little “about me” brought a smile to my face too.
Specifics:
4. doesn’t
4. reads awkward - should it be Overthinking the one thing that doesn’t need to be though about?
Punctuation I personally think you got a little comma heavy here – but in poetry so much of punctuation rules are thrown out the window. I think the lines that use repetition to start (thinking and not lines) sould end with dashes – indicating a pause – without the constant comma.
I really love your last line. I think it’s powerful and that it really drives the message of the poem home. Last lines are so important. Overall, I really enjoed it. I think if you tweak it a little on grammar and punctuation you’ve got quite a fine peice – and one a lot of people can identify with.
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This 84 word review has not been unlocked.
It is kinda repetitive and it makes a person not want to think about anything because it seems negative but thinking makes us human and sometimes it is good to fall deep into any thought just not far enough that it rules your life.
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