Short Story / rescue me, parts 1-3, revised
She bowed her head and lit her cigarette with a match. She let the match burn itself down to her fingertips before shaking it out and taking a deep drag of the filtered Marlboro. She ignored the tremble in her hands as easily as she ignored the tears welling up behind her eyes. She refused to cry. McCain women do not cry. They rage, they bitch, they nag and they brawl, but they most certainly do not cry. She took another drag. Her hair fell into her face and she impatiently rewound it into a bun. Jet black and thick, her hair was her only vanity and it fell in a curtain to her waist. When it was down that is. Which it almost never was. You can’t save a life with hair hanging in your face. She disdained women who tried.
“You shouldn’t smoke, you know. It’s bad for you.�? She heard the voice but Peyton McCain didn’t turn. She took a last drag and flicked her cigarette into the gutter. Jason moved to stand beside her. She didn’t look at him as she said,
“You shouldn’t tell me what to do. It’s bad for you.�? Jason grinned that slow crooked smile of his and shook his head.
“Can I bum one?�? he held out a hand. Peyton cocked an eyebrow at him but said nothing as she tossed him her trusty pack of 27’s. Jason lit one and tossed them back. She tucked them into the cargo pocket of her pants and sat on the curb. Jason dropped down next to her.
“So you wanna talk about it?�? he asked, not looking at her.
“No.�? she hoped he’d drop it.
“Should.�? Damnit. He was going to be persistent.
“So?�?
“Tell me.�?
“No.�?
Jason flicked his cigarette away and finally looked at her.
“Peyton…..�?
“Don’t start Jason.�? He saw the flare in her deep green, almost gray eyes and shrugged. He knew better than to start a fight with Peyton or her sisters. The youngest one, Jenni, had give him a black eye just last month over something he couldn’t even remember now.
“Ok, ok, ok.�? He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. Then he walked back inside the station. A shrill ring sounded, followed by the clanking of the station door as it rolled up.
“Rescue 121�? Peyton grabbed her gear and swung aboard the squad. Just another day in paradise. They ran the call, a chest pain, and two more in 34’s district before finally getting back to station. They barely had enough time to say hello to the oncoming crew before the bell rang.
“So, you going home?�? Jason asked as he packed his gear away.
“Where else would I go, Jason?�?
“Don’t know. Wanna go eat?�? She shook her head at him.
“Nah, I’m not feeling real hungry today.�?
Jason nodded and grabbed his bag.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.�? He called out just before he disappeared through the door.
Peyton heaved a sigh and took her running shoes out of her locker. She hated to run but she had to stay in peak physical condition. There was a lot of pressure being a female in the world’s most predominantly male job. Today she knew she’d be able to run for miles. She had a lot of anger to burn.
Outside, Jason started his car but didn’t put it in drive. He was thinking about Peyton. He loved her, he knew this for sure, as much as one person could love another. He loved her since that crazy day, more than five years ago, when he’d introduced himself and she had told him to fuck off. He smiled at the memory. They had both worked for an ambulance company and were assigned to work with each other. They couldn’t remember now why she had taken such an instant dislike of him, but all that had changed after a while. Now she was his best friend, his partner, his better half. And he was worried sick about her. Peyton, clad in shorts, t-shirt and running shoes came out of the firehouse door and took off down the street. Jason knew Peyton well and though she was spontaneous and a complete whirlwind of activity, she had one constant in her life. She ran. Usually in the morning. It never mattered where she was or who she was with, she ran. Jason threw the car into drive and pulled out of the driveway. It didn’t take him long to find Peyton pounding pavement on Tree Hill Rd. Jason parked and got out. Seeing him, Peyton stopped and stood, hands on hips, and to Jason’s utter surprise, she was crying. She shook her head at him and took off in the other direction. Perplexed, Jason frowned. In all the years he had known her, Jason had never see Peyton cry. Rage, yes. Blinding fury, absolute frustration, intense joy, Jason had seen them all float across her beautiful face. But never tears. And it worried the hell out of him.
When Peyton ran, she tried not to think about her job. It never worked. No matter how hard she tried the doubts, the fears, the insecurities and the names always found their way to the surface. It was easier to forget the bad calls when you didn’t know their name. Once you knew their name, they become a person, a person worth grieving over. Running back up her drive, she realized she only had time for a quick shower before work. It was okay, she thought, I’ll eat later. Peyton showered, changed, grabbed her duffle and locked her front door. She threw her duffle into the back of her trusty 1985 Dodge pick-up and drove to work. She had had a CD player installed into the truck and she popped a CD into it. She didn’t know or care what it was, when she turned it up loud enough it drowned out her thoughts.
The fire engine was parked out front, and Jason and E.J., clad in department issue shorts, were washing it down. Every morning, the guys painstakingly washed and polished both the fire engine and the smaller fire squad, which contained all the paramedic equipment. Usually Jason and Peyton did the squad but because Jason was training, the trainee got to wash both. It was firehouse initiation. Peyton smiled. Chadwick Montgomery was a paramedic trainee who had earned the nickname, “E.J�? for his fondness for insert intravenous, or I.V. lines, into the External Jugular, the big vein in the neck. E.J. had the whitest legs Peyton had ever seen.
“Wow. E.J. Am I gonna have to bring in some self-tanning lotion for those babies or what?�? She ribbed him as she pulled her duffle out of the bed of her truck.
“Only if you bring the pretty smelling stuff back.�? He retorted. The men in the firehouse referred to Peyton’s body wash as ‘the pretty smelling stuff’ and usually used it all before Peyton had a chance to shower.
“I’m not buying that expensive stuff to waste on you guys. You can buy your own pretty smelling stuff. “ She called back.
“Are you saying we don’t smell good already?�? E.J. was mock outraged. Living with 6 or 7 firefighters was like living with 6 or 7 thirteen year old boys. Strange sounds and strange smells were the rule, especially after a night of Mexican food. Peyton smiled at E.J. had went inside to put her duffle in the dorm. She wore the standard Navy blue shirt and pants of the Roxford Fire Department with her never shined, completely comfortable duty boots. She had just finished stuffing her feet into her boots when the tones went off.
“Rescue 121. Engine 121. Unknown Medical Aid. 14930 South Adams Street. Cross of 149th.�? Peyton grabbed a hair band and wound her hair into its customary bun as she walked to the squad. Jason was putting his boots on and E.J. was climbing into the back seat. The fire house doors rolled up and Peyton hit her lights. As she gets to the end of the driveway she hits her siren. The morning traffic was light. Jason blares the horn at a car refusing to move and curses. Jason never understood the tendency of people to pull into the path of a fire truck instead of out of the way. Jason cursed again. Peyton floors it and maneuvers around stopped cars. They made good time to the call. Turning onto Adams, Peyton asks,
“What’s the address again, Jason?�? as she radios dispatch.
“14930. Slow down, I see 14440, keep going it’s further down, cross 149th.�? Jason leans forward in his seat and scans his side of the street. Peyton scans addresses on her side. They are responding to a poorer neighborhood of Roxford and many of the houses don’t have house numbers.
“There. There.�? E.J. calls from the backseat. Peyton sees a dark-haired woman in a blue bathrobe waving frantically at them. Peyton parks and cuts the siren. She grabs the clipboard and jumps out while Jason and E.J. grab the equipment from the compartments in the back.
“Ma’am. What’s going on today?�? As Peyton approaches she can tell the woman is elderly, probably diabetic and extremely anxious.
“It’s Harold. He wouldn’t wake up. I called him and called him.�? the woman grabs Peyton’s arm and pleads,
“Please, please help him.�?
“We will try our best Ma’am.�? Peyton steers the woman into the house and assesses the scene. Jason is shaking the patient‘s shoulder but he’s not responding. Jason hooks up the heart monitor and checks for pulses while E.J. hunts down the man’s medicine bottles.
“Okay. We have Aspirin, Insulin, heart meds, hypertension meds, you name it, this guy takes it.�? E.J. walks into the room followed closely by the boys from the Engine. Jason calls out,
“No pulses. Start CPR.�? Peyton immediately goes into auto-pilot. Directing the startled wife towards Captain Stewart, Peyton, E.J. and Jason carry the patient and set him on the floor. Jason Begins compressions, E.J. strips his I.V. lines and Peyton grabs the airway box. She positions a tube into the patient throat and connects a bag called a BVM to it. This way she can breathe for him while Jason is doing chest compressions. E.J. nails his I.V. and starts pushing drugs. He pushes several drugs designed to kick start the heart.
“C’mon. c’mon.�? He mumbles.
“Hold CPR.�? Jason stops compressions. Everyone is looking anxiously at the heart monitor. A flat line appears on the screen.
“Resume CPR.�? He calls as he starts thumping on the guy‘s chest. The ambulance crew arrives and the patient is transferred onto the gurney. Peyton, being smaller, climbs onto the side of the gurney to do rolling CPR as they head toward the ambulance. They fly by the shocked wife and the Captain, who is trying to get her to put her shoes on. E.J. calls a report into the hospital and the patient is loaded into the rig. Jason and E.J. climb into back and shut the doors. Peyton gets into the squad and buckles her seatbelt. She hits her siren and leads the way to the hospital. In the Emergency Room, the man is pronounced dead. Peyton sighs. They haven’t had a save in months and it seems as if their bad streak will never be broken. Peyton attaches electrodes to the heart monitor and coils the lines. She tosses Jason the keys and puts the monitor back into it’s cabinet on the squad. As Jason drives back to the station, Peyton closes her eyes.
“Anyone else hungry?�? E.J. asks from behind her. Peyton looks at her watch. Eight a.m. It’s going to be a long day.
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Looks like this is going to be a great story! I cannot wait to read more! I honestly cannot think of a way to improve it.
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I am glad to see you expand this story. Once again, great writing. The dialog is good. The pacing and tension are engaging. The characters, by and large, are believable. The ending is more satisfying than just Part Two by itself. I just have one small point about Peyton.
Maybe I’m just forgetting what it is like to be youthful, but it seems that a serious runner would not be a serious smoker. Maybe she can pull it off because of her age, but it doesn’t quite fit in my mind. You might want to think about some other habit she could have that wouldn’t come into conflict with a serious activity like running. Just food for thought.
Good job, though.
This is a nice little vignette of a day in the fire department. The story starts out well but leaves us hanging as to why Peyton was so upset. You introduce a few conflicts but no resolutions. I guess that’s life but it gives the feel of rambling.
A few errors, typos, and omissions for your review:
Jenni, had give him a black eye… –– had given
…finally getting back to station. –– To the station; or simply on station.
… She shook her head at him.
“Nah, I’m not feeling real hungry today.” –– These should be on the same line. She shook her head at him should introduce her dialog.
…fondness for insert intravenous –– inserting
6 or 7 firefighters –– Spell out numbers less than eleven.
smiled at E.J. had went inside… –– I think you need to change had to and.
tube into the patient throat… –– patient’s
back into it’s cabinet –– Should be its. With apostrophe it means it is.
Finally, you have an issue with tense. You write past and present in the same paragraph which is confusing. Pick one (preferably past) and stay consistent throughout the story.
So far, I’m really enjoying this. I hope that there’s more to it. I love the way you mixed wry humor with such a heartbreaking subject. Your characters are vivid and seem very real to life. You really seem to know your subject and translate it very well for those of us who aren’t well versed in medical terminology. Very well done, I hope to read more soon.
Even Though you put them all down together it still didn’t quite connect. It went from her leaving work to her going back. I’m not sure what is happening at times because the time frame messes with me. Also when you started the story we find that something is bothering her. We never got to know what was bothering her. It’s goo dto keep us on the edge of our seats but you do it too long.
My favorite line for was:
“Living with 6 or 7 firefighters was like living with 6 or 7 thirteen year old boys. Strange sounds and strange smells were the rule, especially after a night of Mexican food.”
That was really funny. I like thatfact that you can bring some comedy to it. Easing the mood.
Good job but work more on it.
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