Poetry / Loose-Lace Shoes
Here's what happened on my way home
Not half an hour ago: the laces came undone
On one of my shoes - the right one -
I could hear them ticking, their ends
Flicking on the pavement,
I saw them arcing
With each step, bobbing, cartwheeling.
I should've stopped to pull them tight
And thread a bow and maybe fasten
The bow upon itself to make sure -
But out of laziness, or not wanting to
Break my flow or make an obstacle
In the path of others, or for whatever reason,
I kept on walking and added an extra
Dimension to a familiar walk
For my right foot felt freer and freer,
As if it was easing itself into another life
As if it was a bare foot sinking into a beach somewhere
Or an Indian tracker's on a wild trail -
Though as it was only the right foot
I was only halfway there - but still.
I paused at a crossing's light, a lady
Nodded her head down: "Your shoelace..."
"Oh" feigning astonishment as if one
Mortified by going into the street half-shod,
I bent to the lace, tied it up. Now
I felt the tightness of the shoe, I felt myself like the shoe
All strait-laced and sensible now, dusty and dull.
Just like anyone-else on the street that day,
Or rather, now, not like someone.
So when your shoelaces next spring loose
Let them stay that way for a while.
Be the only shoelace-loose stranger
On the street that day and if someone
Points out "Your lace is undone..."
Don't bend down,
Look them straight and say: "No, really, you don't say",
And go on walking all the way to where you're headed
Feeling free, open to unaccustomed thoughts.
Write me about them. You know what, you and I,
We could start a trend.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
I thought this was pretty neat.. I like poems that tell a story and I liked this one .. you are the first person I have ever reviewed on here .. :} but I can usually tell if I like something or not or think it is good… a lot of nice thoughts and detail and this poem didn’t really lag or have anything that seemed like it wasn’t thought out or was left flat in fact it was full of interesting thoughts and details that flowed without feeling pushed throughout the piece..
I could hear them ticking, their ends
Flicking on the pavement,
I saw them arcing
With each step, bobbing, cartwheeling
I really liked the above part and I like the Mortified and Half Shod descriptions.. half shod reminds me of words someone might use when mortified :P and the clashing O sounds of Mortified and Shod to me had an abrupt affect that I liked looking forward to reading more
- add/view comments (0)
i like the originality in this one its feels right you know?
keep it up
I love the beginning, how you describe in such great detail, the shoe lace being undone, and what it is like when that happens. And how people notice those
things and comment. And again, how we react, how we go along with things sometimes, even cover up by pretending we didn’t notice. Aren’t we ridiculous? Yes, we are, and it is worthy to write about.
But I think the ending could be better, maybe just cut it out completely (after like anyone else on the street that day), add a few more exquisite details and then send it to be published.
i think this poem was…ehh…well i liked it a little at first. it seemed to be telling a story.
but all i got out of it was that try to take advantage of times when you can feel free.
and that doesn’t make any sense.
This is a great poem,it really made me smile and laugh. There are so many lines that I loved, I started copying and pasting them here and then I realized I had nearly the whole poem! It makes me feel like a kid again ahh to enjoy the simple things. Just a few things:
“arcing” I didn’t feel like this word fit here. I think another word may help it flow a little better
At the end, I like that you tell the reader to write you about them but i feel that this doesn’t flow that well either. I wonder if another way of saying it would help..
Best of luck to you, I hope I was of some help!
Showing 1 - 5 of 5
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
