Lyrics / "Your Sons and Daughters"

Oh, how I wish you could put music notes on Urbis. It would make reading these things so much easier. I could pluck out the harmony on my violin or something.

Going without, I like these lyrics and they come across as a very Flobots-ish rap kind of deal, which I like. I definitely like the message that comes across here, how people’s children are kind of running out of control. I live with my mother and my grandmother and my grandmother’s generation can’t understand why my mother’s generation runs things the way they do and my mother can’t understand why my generation seems so angry and violent about everything!

Then again, this has been going on since the dawn of time, hasn’t it?

I really like the lyrics and how they make the theme kind of jump out at you. The way you describe life, and the world, in such a way that makes people really think and then turn around and say that with a little help, “The human race could do miracles,” makes me actually believe that there is hope. I’ve questioned God all my life and the way you write here makes me think about how good my life is and what’s really important.

Nice flow, good rhythm and strong meaning.
Only one thing I would possibly change as intervention and intervene seemed to much like a repetition to me:

The world needs an intervention
They need you to step in
The world’s way beyond prevention
Turned into an ugly scene

Just an idea. Well done!

Pretty good lyrics man.

It has a good rhythm but it is a bit sad.  Even the end I was hoping for the light at the end of the tunnel, but I guess that was the way you wanted it to be.  No big bright happy ending.  It is good though and I am sure it sounds great with the guitar!

It is good but what genre are you thinking of doing this in? You might want to include that in “the notes for reviewer”

Donna

This is a really good piece… I like the imagery you portrayed. I feel like this is a very broad subject and if you personalized it more it would really make this stand out and be even better but I love it how it is now.. good job!

I sympathize with your message, regardless of my own personal view on religion, so please know this first and foremost. I agree, the world is screwed up and something needs to be done.

As to the form and style of the lyrics: I think you are off to a good start, but there are a few things you could improve.

The rhyme of “starvation – aberration” feels a bit forced, because “aberration” is such a clunky word. Overall I think the strength of this piece is that you use fairly simple words to express something entirely not simple and important.  

“Like a fire in the forest
A fire that can’t be put to rest” --- here I think it would be better if you didn’t repeat the word “fire”. Maybe try something like “flames that can’t be put to rest”, gives it a bit more variation and color.

“The world needs an intervention
They need you to intervene”  --- same thing here, I don’t like the repetition. “Interfere” might be a slight improvement, “step in” could be better or maybe try a completely different verb, such as “oversee” or something similar.

Look at your rhymes again and try to make them feel a bit more natural, but again, I get your message and it’s good.

This is a very well written piece that has much truth to it. I like the clear points made about what the world has become: “Children wander the streets/ Crying in pain from starvation/ People killing each other/ With such strong aberation/ Life has lost it’s value/ And people don’t seem to have a clue”. This points out some of the many problems in today’s world, and I agree with the plea at the end for help. This world needs it if we are ever to change.