Poetry / Oasis
Theres nothing wrong
With what I want but
The thing is;
If I were to profess my love
Then society will condemm us both.
Yet I do spy
A glimmer of hope
That you and I will be,
Unfortuantely our love
Will have to begin in society's shadow
But it will suffice
Inevitability our reationship
Will be uncovered
And society will not be merciful.
For society lives by day
As our love
Thrives under celestial eyes.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
third line- “is;” I’m not too sure what you wish to come across with the semicolon. It doesn’t do anything and is grammatically incorrect. I’m guessing it’s a typo.
I really like it. A touch of “Romeo and Juliet” and the calm desert sky.
And I love your word use – “glimmer” ”society’s shadow” ”celestial”
romantic and beautiful. I look forward to reading more.
- add/view comments (0)
I have to say I really liked the last 3 lines. ”For society lives by day…...”
I really can’t critique this poem much. It’s pretty short, and it says what it wants to say.
You took an exhausted subject and made it seem new again. Ah, forbidden love, where would we be without you…
Showing 1 - 3 of 3
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
