Poetry / Neptune Rex
Atlantis was mighty, and wealthy, and proud.
They worshipped themselves, their heads high and unbowed.
Their towers rose tall as their knowledge ran deep,
Their pride fully roused, though their priests half asleep.
They prospered and grew in both power and fame,
The farther to fall when the end finally came.
The sea that surrounded them, gentle and fair,
The path of their commerce, if not of their prayer,
Rose up in its anger, and struck in its rage,
And called out in wrath for the end of an age.
Where evening saw greatness, the morning saw graves,
For all that once stood lay beneath the cold waves,
And nothing remained of this homeland of might
But a tale told in whispers by sailors at night,
Who know that no matter your wisdom or skill,
Neptune is King, and he claims what he will.
The gods of Olympus were fighters from birth,
And squabbled for power upon the new Earth:
Crying one, “Mine this mountain!” Another, “Those trees!”
Or this town or that, or the sweet Western breeze,
Or anything growing, or anything dead,
Or anything born with four legs and a head.
They bickered. They battled, allied and betrayed,
And cried out their glory. As gamblers, they played
For the highest of stakes and the highest of lands
Until all things were taken, from mountains to sands.
But one held what nobody else cared to claim
The ocean was his, and he needed no fame
Nor pretension to glory. He had his domain
That war could not shatter nor enemies pain.
The gods grew complacent, proclaimed themselves wise,
And never imagined that waters might rise.
O, gods of Olympus! How wondrous your fright,
When waves lap the stones of your dwellings tonight.
You thought yourselves lords of the world down below;
But hear some new tidings, and drown in your woe,
And cry in confusion from up on your hill,
For Neptune is King, and he claims what he will.
The gods are long gone with their feasting and fuss,
And now we bid fair to replace them with us,
As we look to the heavens and see only stars,
And we look to the earth and proclaim it as ours,
And imagine we grasp it as if in our hand;
But remember my words, and remember the land
Is but only that part that we bother to see,
As we bind it with stone and we think ourselves free
Of the ravage of time and the rage of the storm,
Or the cold of a winter, when we can sleep warm.
But around our dominions the ocean remains,
And it cares naught for prowess and laughs at our chains,
And was old when the first eye beheld the new day
And will dance out its youth when our children are clay;
And walls that would turn Jove himself from his path
Are as nothing when facing the sea in its wrath.
Take pride in your people, and joy in your nation,
But never forget to make humble libation.
Let all raise a glass—but a tiny bit spill,
For Neptune is King, and he claims what he will.
(c) Michael Greenstein, all rights reserved
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This is very good, informative, lyrical and has a easy flow. You state all you point of the story without losing your way.
Normally this kind of subject (Mythology) turns me off but I enjoyed reading this a great deal. Good luck with your goal.
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I liked this one a lot.Probaly because I enjoy such mythology but your flowing,words,and your accuracy of the mythology is impressive.Had a sort ofepic feel to it.lol
kudos
Andrew
Wow. This is getting added to my favorites. I love everything about this poem. I love it’s topic, it’s content, it’s flow and it’s conclusion. I have no suggestions for improvement. Just encouragement and the hope that you keep working.
My first impression was this read so smooth, so polished. Then I found that to be exactly what did not quite work for me. There is a certain lingo to the ocean that would make the ready picture some old sea dog- maybe missing a leg- reciting it with a pipe in his mouth. The difficulty here is that will take a particularly careful hand as to much will detract from the over all piece. In my opinion this is a lingo motiff away from a 10.
The poem itself was beautiful, normally long poems can get a bit tongue-twisty, but this one was just about perfect. Though the rhyme scheme came out perfect, it got a little confusing, I had to re-read a few lines. Maybe if you go through and read it aloud a few times you’ll catch what I mean. For example in line two taking “their” out of it might make it easier to read and so forth.
I really enjoyed this. I really like the line “The farther to fall when the end finally came.” Kind of a twist on “the higher they are the harder they fall.” It’s a story, and I really enjoyed it. The line where you said “For Neptune is King, and he claims what he will.” sent chills down my back. I hope to see more of your work. I also didn’t rate on the periodical goal because i don’t know what it takes to get into a periodical, sorry.
I love the rhyme scheme, the only thing i didnt understand was sometimes the rhythem wasnt there, but its hard to do, so good job for the most part.
AMAZING! I can tell you have been writing a very long time. You are extremely talented. I wish I was at this high of a peak with my writing. I really enjoyed reading this fine piece of work. The words you chose are wonderful. I also like the way it flowed, and the structure and rhyming were terrific! I can tell that writing is something you really enjoy. Bravissima! Keep writing!
I’ve read some terrible Katrina poetry, but this isn’t part of that group. I like the antiquated language you used—very “Ulysses;” the parallels between the glories of ancient Greece and Rome and one of America’s cultural centers is made very apparent and rightly so. And although I’m very tired of the AABBCC rhyming scheme, yours works because it takes a very modern theme and places it in a classic framework.
I like this. Tweak it a little still, but try to send out. Luck and Cheers!
First…I will say that your work was excellent. As I was reading, I wanted to cry remember all the people and homes that were destroy in the wake of Katrina.
We must not forget about the other monster storms that hit Florida too. They might not have been as horrible but the damages is the same in pur hearts.
I live in California… and it was hard to sit back and watch those event on television. My heart really weep for the children and elderly especially. I was also angry from the lack of preparation and relief from the government.
Thanks for making us remember that mother nature does not discriminate the way the human race does. Maybe one day we will all wake up and become one nation under God and not us verse the government.
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