Poetry / For Every Kiss (Analysis)

clear, concise and melodic description of a common human condition, the break up, where one feels guilty and the other abandoned. Thanks for sharing. If you wanted to work on it, which you do not indicate you do, I would tighten up the form, make it more uniform, pick a rhythm and stick to it. Also, it is a condition that is so common, and so many people have written about. I would try to say, at least one of the lines (my suggestion is the last one) in a new way.

This piece is very relevant to almost every person living’s life. It conjures up the thoughts of both pleasure and pain. Very well written.

This is nice work. Reminds me of my last relationship. I didn’t see any mistakes. It flowed very nicely. I’m not normally one for poetry, but the title attracted me to read it, and I’m glad I did. Hope to read more from you!

Poetry isn’t my strong suit, but I can feel the worry and anxiety of where the relationship is going to go.

“love eachother” -Separate “each other”

“its just away from you” – Use “it’s;” this is a contraction, not a possessive.

Well, your criteria are…consistent, I suppose.
To me, it evoked little emotion. Too many “for”s, too many “you”s used in a style which neither mimics speech or shows really clear patterning.

This rhyme sounds forced and interrupts the flow, which is important for immersion and evocation of emotion.
“You know how bad it hurts when you share it with another
Especially when you say you that you truly love eachother”

Having said that, it’s a solid piece. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with it per say, but neither is it brilliant enough to make people remember it, or for it to be published, in my opinion.

Keep working, try and find a more heartfelt, personal style, and I’m sure you’ll manage to evoke the emotions you want to.

Hope I’ve been of help,
Fionn

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July 19, 2009

by Rowan_Darkheart_Herring

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0	50.0% (2 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
15	F	Fillmore, CA	October 12

it is published..

August 11, 2009

by TheFionnmeister

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44	91.2% (34 votes)	52.7%

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19	M	United Kingdom	March 19

Well, more fool me! Do you mind if I ask where?

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I can feel the emotion, Great use of descriptive language.

it’s short and sweet. I really like the title of the poem.