Poetry / Daisy Field

This is really beautiful.  Such a lovely visual you have created with words.  My favorite lines are L2 and the last line.  They evoke such intimacy between the two people.  I am quite a stickler for rhythm so two things jump out at me.  ”Smell the sweet aroma” needs more syllables (two more to be exact).  ”Feel the earth below our naked feet” has too many (two, too many).  I always feel that when you attempt a structured rhyme scheme like this you want the rhythm to be perfect so the reading flows and no one is drawn out of the beauty of those words for one moment.   Good work, it is a lovely poem.

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July 21, 2009

by DLCW

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
10	71.4% (7 votes)	6.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
29	F	Amesbury, MA	August 25

Thank you

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I like the abcb rhyme scheme—it makes your poem flow nicely.

The quiet romance of your poem takes me to the field of daisies—just what is supposed to happen whenever someone reads a poem.  I liked it a lot.

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July 20, 2009

by DLCW

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
10	71.4% (7 votes)	6.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
29	F	Amesbury, MA	August 25

Thank you!

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I really liked the the rhyming of this poem, it flowed nicely. The only critiqe i could really give you on this is, you need to have more punctuation. For example maybe:

Take me to a field of daisies,
Brush my hair from my eyes.
Kiss softly my freckled cheek,
As we watch a slow sunrise.
Smell the sweet aroma,
Of dew bathed flowers all around.
Feel the earth below our naked feet
But never make a sound.
Lay with me in that field of daisies,
Hold me tight don’t let go.
Give me these few short moments,
No one else will have to know.

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July 20, 2009

by DLCW

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
10	71.4% (7 votes)	6.2%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
29	F	Amesbury, MA	August 25

thanks good call on that one!

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