Humor/Satire / Alternative Fuel and Entreprenuership (Analysis)
Alternative Fuel & Entrepreneurship
America is too dependent on foreign fuel sources and to break this dependency America needs forward thinking individuals who can solve this mounting problem. Bureaucratic government and political candidates love to use this problem during election cycles as a means to convince the VOTING public that they can solve it if only elected to office.
The latest buzz is GREEN. Everything must be green, which is code for earth friendly carbon foot- stepping. Only the brazen idiots in DC could allow such nonsense to pervade the voting psyche. What they really mean is green as in CASH. Yes, I know it’s difficult to believe, that politicians would actually try to make a buck off it. I’m sure none of them own any stock, or sit on any boards of companies that are now racing with wreck less abandon to discover, innovate, develop and produce the great green machine that would sever America’s dependence on foreign oil sources. Why that would be a conflict of interest and we all know politicians only are there to serve the public’s interest—Uh Huh.
Well, not to fear America, I have discovered the answer and it’s simple, it’s cheap depending on where you buy it from, it’s plentiful, organic, and green and it comes in various options. No politician has gotten slimy enough YET to know about this, but there is hope and I’m sure if they get wind of this, Bernie Madoff will be pardoned so he can develop a myriad of pyramid schemes and call them investments.
It’s the bean burrito with rice. Yes, I know you are as astonished as I am but you must trust me, because I come from a long line of entrepreneurs at the unemployment office and folks like us are always keeping our nose to the ground in search of the untapped, niche business to make it big. My dad, his dad, his dads dad, here a dad, there a dad, everywhere a dad, (Kind of catchy don’t you think) were all entrepreneurs all the way back to the beginning, wherever that was, I think in a garden somewhere in Eve. I think that is in the middle of the east somewhere over in the land of Allah. I could have my facts right on this but don’t check it out.
A plain bean burrito with rice is just a regular unleaded burrito and only will get you so far. It’s guaranteed to clog you up a bit. If you throw on some cheese, lettuce and tomato, now you have premium unleaded and that will make your vehicle run smoother without all of the knocks and pings. I know this is true because I saw it on TV but don’t ask me when. I think I read about it also in Sports Illustrated next to a Gatorade commercial, so you know its true- really. However, and this is most important, the government hasn’t regulated and taxed it yet and tagged it with spurious warning levels with skull and crossbones letting us know they are watching out for us. Wow, I sleep better now and all this time I thought it was my new pillow.
Lastly, there is Super Duper Premium Unleaded Bean Burrito with the works including Phi Jamma Lamma Salsa. This is the highest of octane ratings and is the ultimate Mt. Everest of burritos that is guaranteed to have a radioactive half life of 1000 years once it has been produced, refined, turned into various propulsion and non-propulsion purposes like peeling paint from the inside of your car, or cleaning your dog without bathing them, or emitting a colorless gas that is surely to take your neighbors by surprise especially the ones you don’t like, which is most of them. This stuff is so potent that I could sell it to Nasa to power the next launch to discover life on Mars on one fill up, then we will know where we came from, a micro-organism buried hundreds of miles deep in ice under the Martian landscape. And I thought we were created. Where was I during classes on evolution of the species? Wasn’t that the class I took in World History?
Of course having the natural resources that will solve oil dependency is nothing and I mean absolutely nothing without a processing plant that can convert a bean burrito with rice and various condiments into useful fuel and household products like arsenic.
So this new and revolutionary idea requires a fully functional processing plant with refining capabilities. This is where the entrepreneurship bit comes in handy. It’s times like these and ideas like this to put people back to work and out of the unemployment line. Just think how many people could benefit from this. I can’t.
I have discovered by accident a standalone processing plant with refining capabilities and if I can figure this all out by midnight tonight, I could put a patent on it and begin production immediately, like tomorrow morning, after coffee of course and maybe a couple strips of bacon. I like donuts also but last I checked the cops had patents pending.
My discovery is only 4 feet tall, lightweight for a production processing plant at 90 pounds and is totally portable. My nine year grandson Matt can inhale maximum quantities of bean burritos and in approximately 12- 24 hours can produce gas non-stop for a minimum of 2 days. I timed it, but with my gas mask on, of course. He is a one man show. Shovel burritos in, get gas out. I can’t figure out how to put handles on him or a hose for dispensing properly but if I stand him out in the yard when he “feels” one firing up and he’s not howling at the moon, it’s amazing how green the grass will turn-instantly. Beano and Gas X are no match for this amazing find. I think I could even solve the Cap and Trade Energy thing going on butt that’s for another day, cause my wife’s telling me to get off the computer.
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Despite the category of “humor/satire” haha I never saw this coming. I highly enjoyed it. The tone was really nice and quick paced. I only wish it was illustrated. Cheers.
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Who would have thought? I wonder where chimichangas would get us? I enjoyed the opening and closing, that might be only because I agree with you though, the majority of people might not, but future generations should (hopefully!).
That was some spicy satire. Bravo!
My dad, his dad, his dads dad, here a dad, there a dad, everywhere a dad, (Kind of catchy don’t you think) were all entrepreneurs all the way back to the beginning, wherever that was, I think in a garden somewhere in Eve. -I’d use probably instead of I think
Funny, and I kept ready. I really liked it. Haha bean burritos producing gas! Maybe it would work! haha Good read.
That’s great. Starts out sounding fairly serious, then slowly builds up to the ultimate conclusion. It addresses several serious problems with the government and makes fun of it all at the same time. Can you get any more of these wondrous fuel converters? I know an office downtown that would love one.
In any case, well developed writing. A few things stood out to me, but I’m sure they were intentional. “wreck less” took a second to process. “Eve” would seem to refer to Eden, I never found a pun in this. (Probably my own fault). It might be better to never directly mention Matt, but instead lay on some very heavy hints (as if there weren’t enough anyway). I think it would be cooler to never say outright what exactly is producing the gas, but make sure the reader has no doubts. Love the puns at the end.
The nationwide ‘Green’ movement, as something more than just your neighbor yelling at you to recycle anyways- is a big deal now, especially in a country like ours where waste is everywhere. Fuel costs and the fact that the supply won’t last forever is also a big deal, even if you’re one who doesn’t put a ton of faith in the global warming theory (there are decent arguments both ways). In a Humor/Satire piece these hot news topics could have easily been employed to lighten the moods of people who honestly do take them seriously, but don’t necessarily like the tension they cause in their day to day lives. In that way it works similar to a comic strip, yeah it’s same topics people are sick of, but in a fun new light that somehow just makes you want to giggle. That’s what this piece could have been anyways, and I applaud the effort.
Honestly, I don’t feel that you took the comedy seriously. I know that seems like a strange thing to say, but anyone can say just about anything and call it a joke- it takes work to make it comedy. Aside from that, use commas more- your piece felt like it had a lot of run-on sentences. The first sentence in fact should have a period just before the second America, or a dash or semicolon, whatever works for you to divide it.
Amusing. It made me laugh because it’ so true. Although if we are gonna use burritos as a fuel source, why not just feed them to mexicans and get them to carry us around everywhere instead of using cars? Get a horse-drawn wagon, hook up some mexicans, and feed em burrtos. That would solve two problems at once.
You have some good ideas that could translate into effective satire. Right now it flows like a journal entry, but with some organization and paragraph development it could flow like an effective article without losing any of the intended humor. It could possibly be helped by breaking it up into clear paragraphs with your thesis in mind the entire time.
The ending could use something to give it more punch. For a moment regarding the burritos and fuel of the nation I thought there would be a Mexican, working-class tie in.
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