Romance / WOMAN - TERROR - ACTION (Analysis)

WOMAN - TERROR - ACTION

Exposure to woman may breed terror.
Dr. Pavlov had a dog. The mere mention of
food would cause this dog to salivate.
Years later Dr. Jung expanded and refined
this investigation probing the concept in
humans.

Look gents, dog speaking: if a beautiful,
sweet, talented woman invites you over
for a glass of wine, run like the demons
of the apocalypse are on your tail, they
probably are.

When just a wee lad there was a neighbor,
an old recluse called LeLonde. One day
while playing in his front yard he came out
and I said, Mr. LeLonde where`s your wife.
Before you could say Jackrabbit, the old
man ran in the house and slammed the door,
peeking wild eyed through a side curtain.
Later I asked another neighbor, "why does
Mr. LeLonde act so funny when you mention
his wife ? The neighbor replied, "he was
married once and it`s a horror story to him.

Then there was the incident of the sweet little
girl who wanted to play house. We went in
a closet and she said, "you show me yours

and I`ll show you mine". Of course I started
to sweat and got red in the face.
You guessed it, she said, "ewwww, you`re
disgusting".

No dog should be exposed to the travails of
high school, beautiful girls and hungry boys.
The problem with these beautiful women,
they try to be friendly. They just don`t seem
to realize how we have been trained. "me
hungry, want food", we salivate.

There was a case where the situation started
to get real hot and the thought occurred that
this might be where babies come from.
Dog had to back off. This beautiful girl
cursed me like a truck driver. She never spoke
to me again for years.

Now how is a pup supposed to know that girls
salivate too ? Well, that is a story for some
other person to write, preferably a beautiful
woman.
I suppose you sophisticated guys know all
about these things, but somehow I was never
trained in what is healthy salivating and ---
I digress.

The cases are legend of the beautiful wife
who does the unspeakable with the disgusting
result; mourning husband, crying kids, feud,

cops called and finally divorce.

Most of life`s little problems seem to stem from
inhibited romance.... One little incident that
happened; leaning in window to kiss her good
night. The driver thinking all was clear, drove
off leaving lover on his butt in the street with
a broken leg. Ahhh, love !
Is`nt that enough to make you salivate the next
time some honey smiles.

One time at a cocktail party a very clean cut,
decent looking young guy comes over and
introduces himself saying, "I`m doctor Jones".
In answer to, "what kind of medicine do you
practice ?" He says, "I`m a proctologist",
With that, getting a little edgy and starting to
move away, he grins and says, "I also do women
you know". With that I grin and salivate .

Sooner or later, probably later than we would
have you know, a young buck will actually meet
some beautiful , sweet, lovely girl who will
smile and offer all her special enticements.
Danger ! Danger ! Oh, well ! Too damn late
now that he already took the hook.
He smiled back and they walked away to the
motel, arm in arm. He yearns and he learns
and he thinks this will go on and on.
Silly dog, don`t he know ? When you ate out
of the dish there was`nt any more. She lets
him think there`s more, but that`s the hook.
Maybe there will be a little hore derve later
and that will just be enough to make him
salivate.

I know I`m just boring you with this old
story. You knew all along about this terror
called woman.

Well, why did`nt anybody tell me ?
I suppose it`s a secret because it has something
to do with procreating the human race.
Sheeeeeezzzzzz !

-----Eagle Cruagh
© 2009 Eagle Cruagh

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