Poetry / Splattered Upon

wonderment cannot explain these unending thoughts
confused traces of items said
one by one
upon the mountain of facts
words spoken without microscopes
and lights, spotted, and focused
edges of reality
edges of doubt
a mind betrayed
by wisdoms perceptions
Oh, to these words!
seeping within my blackened, bruised soul
eating the dust, the good, all
can you not See!
my bloodied head
rests upon the tree
where you left the throws of passion
for something less
in the words perpetuated
on thin linen sheets
I once dreamt upon
in my reduced world
my reduced pen
one line
one word
you...

You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.

Reviews

Sort Reviews by  Newest |  Oldest |  Highest Quality |  Lowest Quality |  Newest Comments | 

 
Deadsage avatar General Friend

November 05, 2009

Deadsage

personal info reviewer stats
Deadsage reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item
This 79 word review has not been unlocked.
oknapp avatar General Friend

August 28, 2009

oknapp Prolific-icon-medium

personal info reviewer stats
oknapp reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

The reader can feel the writers pain. The soul has been crushed and bruised by the lie. A part of ones life shattered to bits.

words spoken without microscopes

Words carefully honed but deciphered under the introspective microscope of my thoughts.

Oh, to these words!
seeping within my blackened, bruised soul
eating the dust, the good, all
can you not See!
my bloodied head
rests upon the tree

eating the dust of yesterays trust
Can you not see the murder that you have comitted
My heart has been butchered and lies a bloody mess at your feet of clay
Your words of passion cut like daggers through my linen sheets leaving them tattered--without a trace of you on them--nor wil they ever be.

I hope you don’t mind but somehow i feel this poem is a part of my life as well and i added a little something. It is my gift to you Kara Marie.
I loved your version as well and understood it perfectly. Please start adding similies to your feelings. I will show you a little something ok

Your words cut like a dagger into my satin sheets

Your memory lingers—a puzzle with many missing pieces

You have ripped at my heart as a buzzard rips at its prey

My dreams have been shattered like a lovely vase—now lying in pieces upon the cold floor of your heart.

Do you see what i have done here? I am comparing one thing with another. I am using the metaphor. I love similies and mixing the implicit with the explicit. If you have questions please email. L, Sandi.

Showing 1 - 2 of 2

Creator
karamarie avatar

karamarie

Age: 32
Loc: Murfreesboro, TN
Gen: F
Last Login: November 06
Relevant Links
Item Stats

GENERAL

2 Reviews 6 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 15 days ago

REVIEW QUEUE

Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Large_criteria Ratings & Rankings
Tags

There are no tags for this item.