Wonderful review. Thank you, SelinaP.
Bibelot
Poetry / Fortress Bibelot (Analysis)
Fortress Bibelot
For there she waits on higher ground,
calmly searching her surround.
Her jagged walls scrape empty sky,
her caverns deep where bedrocks lie.
Fortress Bibelot may repel
or welcome those who mean her well.
Should you decide to journey there,
tread with caution, step with care.
And if you swim across the moat,
survive the traps, and do not gloat,
but scale the walls of this redoubt-
then you may find within without.
Across her field a fine mist creeps,
softly there while Bibelot sleeps.
A tricky thing which hums a tune
while slowly gaining on the ruin.
It grins and greets the murky moat
which overflows with someone’s gloat,
and doesn’t seem to mind at all
the fancy traps- but shakes the wall
with music that resounds so sweet
it crumbles bits of the retreat,
and slips into the barricade
through many of the fissures made.
The endless patience of this mist
is such the mortar won’t resist,
for stones both real and sensible
mate mortar quite delusional.
Just so, the well-tuned tricky thing
finds purchase and begins to sing
of love and loss, and one day when
both loss and love are found again.
Bibelot stirs within her sleep,
made fast inside her castle keep.
She kens in dreams the softest tune
which seeks to mend her inner ruin.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
ThomasAlan reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
1. Your title serves a dual purpose: one hinges on the usual meaning of “bibelot” and the other refers relexively to you; good stuff, although I wonder how you would keep the second layer if this were published in a book….unless you choose to publish as Bibelot?
2. I enjoy your use of the courtly narrative--part love story part battle--with the female castle and the intruder (whom you cleverly keep ungendered).
3. Suggestion: in stanza 4, change which to it; since you are writing sentences throughout the poem, at the moment--with which--you have a fragment.
4. At first I was bothered by your repeating of gloat—but then I realized it was some former intruder (unsuccessful) decomposing in the protective waters, so I rather liked it.
5. As with “The Bet,” I like the ambiguity you leave us with. Specifically, this has to do with what the trick thing is: is it art? is it the idea of love? hope? It could be any number of issues. Of course, if Bibelot is an object, ideal, or action (say, writing), then the intruder might be a renaissance of taste or literacy, somesuch.
End note: you do more than just write things that rhyme; you’re good, and I wish you well.
TA
- add/view comments (2)
shadow_loveless reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
This 111 word review has not been unlocked.
Nosferatu_Networker reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
i dont know what else to say. i liked it
theboss420 reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
wow this is really good
im impresed really
just one thing mmmm… maybe you could if you want um mix up the ryming a lil
for example instead of using two lines right next to eachother with the same ryming word at the end you could maybe switch them up if you know what i mean
like you have
sleep and keep then tune and ruin
you could say
sleep and tune
keep and ruin
if that makes any sense at all i dont know
but really it sounds great the way it is already ya know
Showing 1 - 5 of 5
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Item Stats
GENERAL
5 Reviews 5 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 15 days ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 11 Times
Skipped: 4 Times
Ratings & Rankings
