“holds little to no levity”
Levity? Really? That does mean ‘humor or frivolity,’ you know… I would hope that Wikipedia doesn’t have much of that, actually. :)
You’re right, though. It’s not a good source on its own.
Journalism / Idiocracy and Literature
Idiocracy and Literature
In 2006 a film was release called idocracy which was directed by Mike Judge (the same guy who brought us Beavis and butthead). This film was about a world in which the less intelligent survived by frequent breeding and in time the world was completely inhabited by morons. The main character played by Luke Wilson is played in suspended animation and forgot about until the year 2505. He finds the world not to be the place he left it. The world is falling apart.
It seems to me that our world now is heading on this very same course. According to the Literacy company 14 percent of all people are functionally illiterate, more than 20 percent of all adults read below an fifth grade reading level and 50 percent of all adults cannot read above an Eighth grade level. These figures seem quite generous compared to what I see when I peruse the library and the book store. My personal assessment is that most media is actually on a third grade reading level from what I have seen in the magazine racks. Read US magazine and tell me that it is not. Even at the bookstore, last bastion of intelligence I was appalled when I opened up a book I found interesting only to be let down dialogues in which came down to simple worded drivel. Few words went above one syllable consequently it was a New York Times best seller.
Why is this happening? Enter our villain, Mass Market Media and Literature. According to the Wikipedia “Mass media denotes a section of the media specifically designed to reach a very large audiences such as the population of a nation”. Since most of the masses are less intelligent. That is what is being published. As the quality of the human mind decreases so does the intellectual content of literature. Who are we to thank for this? Marketers and business people are the culprit. They use demographics to dictate what should be published and what should not. So instead of creating literature to stimulate the mind and increase mental capacity, they distribute to the greater masses. Unfortunately the literacy in the masses is decreasing as is their reading levels.
It is my belief this is creating a vast downward spiral from which the world will not recover. What boggles my mind is, how can this happen? How can so many people actually pass high school with out the ability to read? Yes, we have many illiterate or low reading level high school graduates. If a child cannot read they should not be awarded with a high school diploma. There are even collage graduates that cannot read. This is absolutely appalling. I know this because I run into people as such on a daily basis.
There will come a time when more should matter than what sells. They should make children’s minds have to work to read and understand what they are reading. Very few people are willing to use the dictionary or thesaurus to look up what an unfamiliar word means anymore, and alas the global IQ goes down another notch.
I don’t have a solution to this problem. The Mass Media Giants along with the Cooperation of the cowed populous are letting our world fall into idiocracy. Is it dark comedy for our entertainment and amusement or is it a prophecy?
www.readfaster.com/education_stats.asp
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mainstream_media
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marebarr reviewed Version 1 -
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This is a very good piece with a very important message. To get it published, you may have to do a couple of things. Sentences such as “What boggles my mind..” and “This is appalling..” need to be reworked. In reading great pieces from publications such as NYT or Washington Post, the writer often lets the reader draw the conclusion. You have failed to mention some of the other reasons for such a stupid populace, such as tv watching (addiction) and video game activities that completely rob kids of their childhood and the pressure on the family that allow for these addictions to flourish. Finally, I would quote someone throughout the piece, interview someone, etc. It adds a lot. Work this, it is worthy. I am amazed by the number of people who say they will never bring children into this world. They might be worth quoting too to make your point.
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Weaver reviewed Version 1 -
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“In 2006 a film” – comma after “2006”
“was release called idocracy which” – “was released called Idiocracy, which”
“Beavis and butthead” – “Beavis and Butthead”
“This film was about…” – awkward sentence
“played by Luke Wilson” – commas before and after
“is played in” – drop “played”
“and forgot about” – “forgotten”
“the place he left it” – drop “it”
“Literacy company” comma after “company” – also capitalize “Company” if it is part of the name
“an fifth grade reading level” – “a” – comma after “level”
“an Eighth grade level” – don’t capitalize “eighth”
“media is” – noun and verb don’t match
On what do you base your assessment that magazines are written on a third grade reading level? Have you seen statistics that say this is so? Even if this is your opinion, support it with some facts if you want people to agree with you.
comma after “bastion of intelligence”
You spell “bookstore” as one word here although you spell it as two earlier. It should be one word, but please at least be consistent.
“only to be let down dialogues in which” – run-on sentence
“simple worded” – hyphenate
“Few words went…” run-on sentence
“New York Times” – italicize
“best seller” – hyphenate
“According to the Wikipedia” – comma after “Wikipedia” (and I think you should drop “the”)
place the period inside the quotation marks
“Since most of the masses are less intelligent.” – sentence fragment – They are less intelligent than whom? Approximately 68 percent of the population falls between 95 and 105 on the IQ scale; these are the people who are considered average. Average is not moronic.
comma after “mind decreases”
“Who are we to thank” – should be “Whom”
“are the culprit” – “culprits”
comma after “decreasing”
“as is their reading levels” – “are”
“with out” – “without”
comma after “cannot read”
“collage graduates” – “college”
Where do you get your information that there are college graduates who cannot read? Again, you need some facts to back up such a claim.
”...people as such on…” – awkward
“There will come a time when more should matter” – awkward and confusing – try “will come a time when more matters”
Didn’t you say earlier in this piece that you feel the world will not recover from the “downward spiral” of decreasing literacy? How, then, can you say that there will be a time when that changes?
comma after “alas”
Using a dictionary or thesaurus may increase your vocabulary, but it doesn’t increase your IQ.
comma after “amusement”
I found the number of errors in this piece ironic, given the topic.
Marowit reviewed Version 1 -
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The first sentence needs some grammatical work:
“In 2006, a film was released called ‘Idiocracy,’ which was directed by Mike Judge, who was also the director of the popular television show ‘Beavis and Butthead.’
Second sentence, need a comma after “frequent breeding”
Third sentence, “played by Luke Wilson” needs to be set off by commas, and what is “is played in suspended animation”? Consider rewording. Also, “forgot” should be “forgotten.”
I’m not going to write up much so you can save your credits, but this entire piece needs some reworking and serious editing. Perhaps brush up on AP style (since this is journalism) and make sure you’re using commas, capitalization, verb tence, etc. in the right formats. Also, avoid using wikipedia as a source. It’s good for personal referencing, but it holds little to no levity when trying to make a point in a paper.
On the bright side, you made your point and had a clear line of thought.
Alex_Bruinekool reviewed Version 1 -
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Couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m going into my senior year of high school and will be graduating with people who can barely tie their shoes. Even many of the teachers and those who run the school are morons.
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