Stage Play / Betty

Betty
by Guleraana Mir

New York, NY
copyright April 2009

Lights up on a living room scene. All the furniture is pushed back to leave an empty space in the middle of the room, centre stage. There is a coffee table to the side of the space upon which sit a number of candles lit, a lighter, a copy of The Feminine Mystique, a bouquet of white lilies interspersed with white roses and a bottle of cheap red wine. A number of unlit candles are scattered around the room in various positions. There are at least twenty in total. Next to the table stands a large poster board around five feet in height. On this board is a life-size picture of BETTY FREIDAN, the world famous feminist writer. Around her face someone has doodled stars, hearts and flowers in pink marker.
Enter ALICE, 18, wearing a slinky black dress and holding two wine glasses, a packet of stickie post-it notes and several pens. She sets all of these down on the table and scans the room to see what else needs to be done in preparation. Seemingly satisfied she pours herself a glass of wine and sips slowly. After a moment of staring at BETTY she puts the glass down, picks up a pen and writes in large letters February 4th 1921- 2006 across the bottom of the poster board.
Enter GIRL 1 and GIRL 2 both dressed in black with bright red lips.

GIRL 1

Wow Alice, this looks really good. I’m impressed.

ALICE

Thanks, it’s the least I could do. Can you light the rest of the candles we need more if you want to turn the lights out.

GIRL 1 takes the lighter off the table and begins to light the remaining candles.

 
GIRL 2

Isn’t that a little creepy?

GIRL 1

No. It’s setting the atmosphere.

GIRL 2

This isn’t a séance. Do we really need atmosphere?

ALICE

Look, if you’re afraid of the dark we can leave them on. I thought the candles were a nice touch.

GIRL 2

I’m not afraid of the dark. I just…

GIRL 1

What? You thought Betty might come back to life and jump out of the picture at you?

She starts laughing, softly first and then harder.

GIRL 2

Whatever. Have some respect for the dead.

ALICE

Ladies. Compose yourselves.

ALICE mimes turning the lights down in the room.
Stage lights dim.

GIRL 2

Sorry. Where are we sitting?

ALICE

In a circle? Just here?

She points to the empty space centre stage. All three girls sit, attempting to make a circle.

GIRL 2

There’s not really enough of us to make a circle. Who else is coming?

GIRL 1

No one replied to my texts.

GIRL 2

I got a few replies, but I don’t know if they were serious.

ALICE

What happened to the invitations I gave you to send out?

Both girls look at each other and shrug their shoulders. They look sheepish.

What? What was wrong with them?

GIRL 2

They were a little (beat)

GIRL 1

Corny.

ALICE

Of course they were corny, it’s a fucking wake. You can’t get any cornier than that. You can’t invite people to a wake by text message, that’s just ridiculous. There’s protocol you have to follow, traditions. There has to be flowers (as she names each thing, she gestures to them), candles, a photograph of the deceased, wonderful things you say about their life, funny stories, and anecdotes etcetera. You both managed to arrive dressed in black with red lips, you didn’t find that part too corny then?

GIRL 1

I look hot in this outfit.

GIRL 2

I think the red lips are corny. You’re perpetuating the 50’s housewife stereotype. I don’t think Betty would be too happy if I’m honest.

GIRL 1

So why are yours painted so perfectly?

GIRL 2

It’s Chanel darling.

ALICE

I don’t see what that has to do with anything…

GIRL 2

Well. (warily) it’s a power red. You know. (beat) Only powerful ladies wear Chanel, right? (Gaining speed as she gets more confident in her thought process) Ladies that lunch. Successful business women. Women who earn millions and don’t need men, who stomp all over them. Women who rule the world and can afford to buy Chanel because it only costs them the equivalent to a minute’s work. Strong. (beat) Feminine women.

GIRL 1

You are none of those things.

ALICE

There are women who earn $30 a minute? Huh.

GIRL 1

Regardless of how much women earn, what happened to perpetuating stereotypes? You can’t say red lipstick upholds false perceptions of women a la Bree from Desperate Housewives one minute and then turn it around suggesting it represents female power, money and freedom.

ALICE

None which necessarily equate to equality.

GIRL 2

I was merely trying to. Um. Offer two opinions.

BETTY : VOICEOVER

Contradicting opinions.

As BETTY speaks the three girls are frozen. After a beat they unfreeze.

ALICE

Contradicting opinions. I think you were right the first time. I don’t think Betty would be best pleased. You can go wash up in the bathroom. There should be towels laid out.

BETTY : VOICEOVER

That won’t be necessary. I don’t really give a shit.

GIRL 1

I don’t think that’s necessary. I doubt she gives a shit. Who knows. It’s not like she’s able to tell us.

GIRL 2

I wouldn’t be too sure of that. The New York Times called her “abrasive” in their obituary. Germaine Greer wrote that she was pompous and egotistic. Frankly, I’d be a little scared if she were here to tell us exactly what it on her mind.

BETTY: VOICEOVER

“Famously abrasive” in fact. What a hideous obituary. I much preferred Germaine’s description. Now, isn’t pompous such a fabulous word?

ALICE

Pompous is such a fabulous word.

GIRL 2

Still, not something I would aspire to.

ALICE

I’m not sure what I aspire to anymore. I’m a little (beat) lost right now.

GIRL 1

What is it?

ALICE

It’s nothing. I don’t really want to talk about it right now. It’s a little…inappropriate. You know, to be discussing my own woes when we’re gathered here to celebrate the life of another.

GIRL 2

Is it something we could help with? Something maybe Betty could help with?

She goes to the table and picks up the book. Flicking through it, as if it were a fan.

GIRL 1

Yeah Alice. Share. Us women have to stick together now. We’ve lost our leader in the most desperate of times. I think it would be very fitting if we were to tackle your problems in this (beat) community.

GIRL 2

Lost our leader? We’re talking about Betty Freidan here, not Fidel Castro. It’s not like she was leading us into battle or anything. Don’t you think you’re getting a little carried away here? Don’t push Alice. If she doesn’t want to talk, we should respect her privacy.

GIRL 1

Fuck off. You’re such a pain in the ass sometimes with your opinions and ideas about how people should live. I swear, sometimes I get so…

GIRL 2

So what? What’s so wrong about me wanting to preserve the sanctity of the situation?

GIRL 1

Just listen to yourself, who even says that? Sanctity of the situation? What the fuck?

GIRL 2

Could you please stop swearing…It’s not…

GIRL 1

It’s not what? Appropriate? Is that what you were going to say? It’s not appropriate?

ALICE

I’m pregnant.

GIRL 1

I can speak however the fuck I like and if I want to add the word fuck into every fucking sentence then I fucking will do and you can go fuck yourself if you think that you’re going to be the one that fucking stops me.

GIRL 2

I think maybe you missed. Wait.  Alice?

ALICE

(pause) I don’t know what to do. I always really wanted to get married and have babies young.

GIRL 1

You did? Why?

GIRL 2

Well now you can. You and Danny have a wonderful relationship. Everyone always says to me what a perfect couple you are. And you know he’s dying to marry you, he’s just waiting for you to say yes. Oh my god, I’m so happy for you. Yay! You’re going to have a baby. You’re going to be a gorgeous bride. This is perfect.

GIRL 2 goes to hug ALICE. As she does this GIRL 1 backs away from them both.

ALICE

You really think I can make this work?

GIRL 1

What about school? You can’t study when you’re pregnant. You’re going to be running out of lectures puking everywhere when you have morning sickness. It will be gross. No one will want you in their classes. (beat) Have you really thought about this? What about our plans? I thought we were going to be…awesome.

ALICE

What’s stopping me from being awesome, whilst having kids?

GIRL 1

Because thirty-six years ago Betty Freidan organized the Women’s Strike for Equality and it called for twenty-four hour childcare centers, abortion on demand and equal opportunities in education and employment. These demands still haven’t been met. If you don’t get rid of that baby now and concentrate on your studies you’re never going to make it. Good luck trying to find someone to look after your baby when you need to write an essay or go to class. And then when it’s time to find a job, who do you leave your toddler with? Do you even want to leave it with someone? Do yourself a favour and have an abortion. At least on that front Betty had some success.

GIRL 2

Betty never said that staying at home perpetuated the subordination on women.

GIRL 1

But there’s so much to life than cleaning up after a baby pooing machine, making packed lunches, ironing. Oh how I hate ironing.

ALICE

Not for me there isn’t. All I’ve ever wanted to do is love Danny and to be happy. Now that I have a baby inside me all I can think about how amazing the human body is. I want to be a part of that. Not the corporate world.

GIRL 1

Well if it were me, I’d have it sucked out. Nothing is standing in the way of my dreams.

GIRL 2

You’re so insensitive. I don’t even know why you’re here. Are you even capable of feeling remorse or sadness? You’re such a bitch.

The face of BETTY on the poster board is popped out and removed. A female actor pokes her face into the hole. She is 45, the age BETTY would have been a few years after The Feminine Mystique was published. From this point on the actor will speak BETTY’S lines. The girls remain unaware of BETTY’S animation at this moment.
The stage lights flash on and off. The girls unfreeze. They look completely perplexed, their eyes darting from one side of the room to another.

GIRL 1

What the…?

GIRL 2

I told you we should have left the lights on. This is creepy.

GIRL 1

Get a grip.

ALICE

Is there a storm outside?

She goes to the window SL to check.

GIRL 1

It’s probably just the wrath of Betty.

BETTY

Wrath? Wrath of Bettry? (beat) They called me pompous, not vengeful. You three are far too self-involved to listen to my theories even if they came out my own mouth. I don’t know what the hell you think you’re doing holding me a wake like this.

The three girls all stand up in unison. One by one they approach the poster board and begin to feel BETTY’S face. They are in awe, unable to believe that Betty Freidan is in the same room as them.

Get your grubby fingers off my face.

ALICE

Betty?

GIRL 1

Is it really you?

BETTY

No. You all got shit faced and are hallucinating.

GIRL 2

I’m too young to drink.

BETTY

Oh, for Christ’s sake.

ALICE

Betty, what are you doing here?

BETTY

I was doing the rounds, checking in on all the memorial services, wakes, celebrations in the area. Seeing what is being said, what’s not being said. Scoping out what kind of legacy I’m leaving behind. Research for the afterlife.

GIRL 2

Huh. Shall I read you a poem I wrote for you? I was going to write it on a stickie and put it up on the memorial board, but seeing as you’re here now I could just recite it to you?

BETTY

I’m good thanks. What I’d really like is a gin, you girls are bringing me down.

GIRL 2

Oh. You don’t want to hear it then?

BETTY

Maybe on the first anniversary.

GIRL 1

Is Elvis up there with you?

BETTY

Can’t say I’ve seen him.

ALICE

Hve you been here the whole time Betty?

BETTY
Yes, it’s been…interesting.

ALICE

So you know about my (beat) situation? Can I ask you a question?

BETTY

I need a drink first. What have you got? That wine will do. Lift up the glass for me.

ALICE pours BETTY a glass of wine and lifts it up so that the actor behind the poster board can drink. She takes several swigs and then shouts into the glass…

BETTY

That’s enough. (pause) Much better. Thank you. Right. So let’s get a few things straight shall we. You girls are somewhat confused as to the meaning of the feminine mystique.

GIRL 1

Uh, no, I think I got it all figured out in my head.

BETTY

No, I don’t think you do. Just because you own a couple of my books doesn’t give you the right to be doing this…or bastardizing my theories.

GIRL 1

Bastardizing? I beg to differ.

BETTY

Oh really? Chanel equals power? Maybe in your modern minds but power does not mean suits and lunches and astronomical salaries. If the man next to you still earns more you are powerless and that’s not ok.

ALICE

What about women who don’t want to work? Are we powerless?

BETTY

If you choose to stay at home and give birth or bake white chocolate and raspberry cookies, then that’s your choice. Just make sure you save me one. Choices equal power and equality, not paychecks.

GIRL 2

I’m still confused about your views on stereotypes…should I keep my red lipstick or throw it out. I want to wear it because it makes me look pretty but I don’t want to be, you know, suggesting anything by doing so.

BETTY

Jesus, you’re over thinking this a little. Whatever shade of red you or Bree Vanderkamp choose to wear is fine, as long as you don’t apply it only to go to the supermarket in search of male attention.

GIRL 1

So it’s ok to look hot?

BETTY

Yes, if that’s what is important to you. Clearly the issues I raised still need to be fought for. Naming a problem is not the same as solving it.

GIRL 2

Do you think Alice should get rid of her baby?

BETTY

If she does, let it be of her own accord. Aborting a baby because a man pressures you into is just as damaging on the female psyche as ending up with an unwanted baby.

ALICE

Danny would never make me do that.

GIRL 1

How do you know? Have you even told him yet?

ALICE

No.

GIRL 2

Why?
ALICE

I’m scared.

GIRL 1

You should be you’re having a fucking baby. That’s not a miniature human being you now. It won’t come out speaking. It’s going to scream all night and all day. I hear you breasts sag like anything from feeding. Urgh.

ALICE

I’m scared he’s not the man

BETTY

You think he is?

ALICE

Yes.

GIRL 2

There’s only one way to find out.

BETTY

Listen girls, I’m not here for your convenience ok. If you think you’ve got things figured out, can I go? I was pretty popular and there’s a couple more…happening parties I would like to attend tonight.

ALICE

I’ll be fine. I just need to work up the courage to call him.

BETTY

I have a feeling you won’t be needing to. Take care of yourselves and stay fabulous!

BETTY winks and then exits. As the actor pulls their face out of the cut out, they replace the original picture of BETTY.

GIRL 1

Did she go? Weird.

The phone rings offstage. ALICE exits to answer it. The other two girls make their way over to the poster board to inspect BETTY’S face. They are even more confused than they were when she first appeared.

GIRL 2

I’m confused. I think I might want to read her books again.

GIRL 1

She was fucking awesome. I totally want to be just like her. Just hotter. Much. Much hotter.

GIRL 2

I hope Alice does what makes her happy.

GIRL 1

She will. She’s strong.

ALICE enters, phone tucked under her chin, she is talking to Danny.

ALICE

So what do you say? Shall we do this? (pause) Really? You do?! And you’re sure. You won’t change your mind five months down the line? I can’t believe this is happened.  What did you say? (pause) Say it one more time. No, I heard it, I was just checking if you were being serious. Of course my answer is yes, you shouldn’t even have to wonder. Yeah, the girls are here. Ok I’ll tell them now. Call you later. Love you.

GIRL 1

He took that well. Was it hard to call?

ALICE

He called me. Said he tripped over his sister’s copy of The Feminine Mystique on the stairs and thought of me. Weird huh?

Lights down.
 

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