I’ve never watched Stasky and Hutch but I was searching for quotes about gravity online. That’s the best one I found! By ‘cinematic effect’, I was refferring to a technique known as a ‘trombone shot’. This is used to ‘strech out’ the visuals. The background seems to move away from the actor in the foreground. If you’ve seen Vertigo, you’ll know what I mean. Or Jaws, when he reallises the shark’s in the water. I’ll write to it with a bit more detail.
Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Falling Dream
“It's only when gravity starts to take over you begin to think about your body.”
-David Soul, AKA ‘Hutch’ from Starsky and Hutch
I’m soaring up to the planet’s boundary- to what is technically space, vast and freezing. The land I know as home, it feels- and is- distant and I miss it already.
The curvature of the Earth is clearly visible. It was daytime when I left Earth; right now, the time of day can’t be classified. It feels like night, like the time on Scout camp when we crept out of the tent and lay gazing at the stars. It’s colder now, though. And there are insurmountably more galaxies blinking at me, millions of light years away. The universe, sprawling, is scattered haphazardly in every direction. But when I look back down at the Earth- incomprehensibly immense- the stars vanish from my peripheral vision and the glow of my home planet is all I can see. The ground looks rocky and uninhabited, another reminder of how truly small I am- how small we all are.
And then I fall.
There’s a blur in my chest that used to be a recognisable heartbeat. My back arches. I’m forced by gravity to look upwards- the blackness of space has already disappeared and I’m surrounded by blue ozone. An occasional wisp of cirrus cloud whips across my face like speeding fog, leaving cold moisture on my skin to be dragged backwards over my scalp.
I’ve never been so conscious of the air around me, yet despite this- and now, because of the velocity of my own body through this air- I can’t breathe any of it in.
The detail of the land below me, albeit minimal, becomes clearer and spreads wider like a cinematic effect. I can see the rugged texture of farmland. The ocean is out of sight.
I’m almost home.
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NovemberDisaster reviewed Version 1 -
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Bravo on the description. It is almost as if I felt my cheeks and the air that I breathe in get colder. This would have been a wonderful dream to experience. You have done a wonderful job creating such a reflective and inspiring piece!
There is no critiquing to be done here really. You have really good grammar and your sentences flow smoothly. Thank you for the refreshing read.
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TerJa reviewed Version 1 -
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An, the falling dream. My own is usually off a high cliff, like the ones the Mexican cliff divers use.
Two things jump out at me as I read this. First, in spite of the view you describe, there is no sense of awe. I would think that should be a major part of the whole experience. The one place you do attempt to show a sense of awe it fails because the sentence itself is flawed. To whit – “The ground looks rocky and uninhabited, another reminder of how truly small I am- how small we all are.” The biggest flaws are that it cannot be “another reminder” unless there was a first reminder and I don’t see one. Also I don’t really see how the ground looking rocky and uninhibited would remind you of how small you are in the first place.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike the piece, it’s just that it could be so much better with a bit of work. But then, is that what a blog is for? Maybe I’ll just leave it here. For essay writing this is weak. for a blog it is typical. Write on.
jalubcarrey reviewed Version 1 -
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Why in the world did you quote David Soul? I laughed when I saw that.
On the second line you use a dash instead of a comma. Why not a paranthetical? A dash seems grammatically dubious.
You used “insurmountably” in a strange way. How about, “There is an uncalculable number of galaxies blinking. . .”
“There’s a blur . . .” The word “blur” is a visual que, not auditory. I’d pic another word for sound being rushed by.
What do you mean by cinematic effect? I don’t understand what you are implying towards the end.
GeorgiaPoetry reviewed Version 1 -
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Oh, nothing like the feeling of reality. That is what this says to me. Getting your head out of the clouds, come crashing back to earth and Reality. I’m a dreamer, mother use to scream at me all the time to get my mind out of the dream world and into reality. This really hit home for me. I’m not sure if that is the way you meant it to be taken but it is the way it affected me. Thank you for a good read.
diegolandia reviewed Version 1 -
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I really apreciate the detail in this, and the absurdity of it all really brings the dream theme home! Thanks for posting and raising my pulse!
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