Screenplay / Once Upon part 3 w/ recap

CUT TO: ATM DISPLAY £14101.90 TOM (V/O) It was more relief than excitement at first. Then I had to figure out how to make this last- it was the only paycheque I’d be getting for the foreseeable future. CUT TO: INT. TOM’S BEDROOM- MORNING. Tom’s mobile is ringing… and ringing. His ring tone is Explosive, by Dr. Dre. Tom’s fast asleep. You can guess he had a late one: club flyers are scattered over the duvet and floor, as are his new shirt and jeans. The bar coded labels are still in the mess on the floor. Tom awakes, confused. His bank receipt reminds him of what he did yesterday at the fair. He knows this call is from Devant. PHONE- NUMBER WITHHELD He JUMPS out of bed and shakes off to wake up. Takes a deep breath. Picks up the phone. TOM Hello? DEVANT Mr. Charnock! Good morning! TOM Mr. Devant? DEVANT That’s right. Mr Charnock: I need you to liase with some future associates in Manchester. They are employees of Bar Code. Are you familiar with the venue? FLASH MONTAGE Newspaper headlines: “Bar in Cocaine Scandal” “Security Investigated Again” The accompanying photographs show hands pushed into cameras, people being roughly thrown out onto the street, blood all over the doorstep. TOM Bar Code, yeah. Jesus, yeah I’ve heard of it. I know where it is; I’ve never managed to get in. DEVANT I’m sure you’ll have no problems on the door from now on. And don’t worry, you won’t be doing bar work. You’ve got enough of that on your CV. The gentlemen in question live in the Royal Apartments on the edge of Manchester Centre. Would you be happy to share accommodation with them? TOM (expecting a hefty rent bill) How much is that? DEVANT The accommodation would be free of charge. TOM I can afford that, yeah! EXT. BAR CODE- DAY Tom steps in, wearing a new and well-cut black suit. He catches his reflection in the glass door and smiles. INT. BAR CODE- DAY A few well-dressed people in their early 30’s are lunching while escaping the summer heat. The bar is well designed, smart, with a piano cordoned off for use at night. CALLUM, A sixteen-year-old boy in a wool jumper and pumps- obviously dressed by his mum- is talking to the bartender. A forty-year-old man is propping up the bar, watching the whole conversation. CALLUM He said you’ve got an oversized ego. He said the work you do is fine- BARTENDER Shh. Tom picks up a business card left on the bar top- “Yan-Yan Leung”. CALLUM -And if you stop making DVDs he said it would be a problem but not a big problem. BARTENDER rolls his eyes in embarrassment. BARTENDER You’re only sixteen, you little gimp. You shouldn’t even be in here. CALLUM But if you carry on talking about it Devant will- BARTENDER He’ll what. TOM looks up, recognising the name. BARTENDER discreetly nods to someone out of frame. CALLUM If you carry on you’re dead. Lame threat. BAM! A DOORMAN runs right into CALLUM like a freight train, taking him out of frame. TOM props up the bar. A longhaired Welsh barman comes over. WELSHMAN What can I get you mate? TOM Are you Dave? WELSHMAN No, I’m Tony. He’s Dave. TONY points to the Barman next to him. DAVE, well built and handsome, flairs a cocktail for a beautiful woman. He doesn’t take his eyes off the drink. DAVE I’m Dave, hold on… DAVE, 23 and handsome, slams some money into the till and looks up. TOM I’m Tom, I was asked to come here by Mr. P- DAVE (Cutting Tom off) Oh you’re Tom. Good to meet you. Abrupt handshake. DAVE We’re clocking off in a bit; we’ll sort you out. Been working since midnight. TOM Thought you shut at two. DAVE Here, we do. A MANAGER in a suit walks over. MANAGER Guys, there’s people waiting to be served- DAVE (Interrupting) Yeah, fuck off. MANAGER apparently thinks this is a joke. He smiles and walks off. DAVE gives him a dirty look. TOM looks stunned. Points over shoulder. TOM You can get away with that? DAVE We get away with allsorts. Yeah, we’ve been waiting for you to come in. We’ve got a present for you.

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spiritualdeciple avatar General Stranger

November 22, 2009

spiritualdeciple

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spiritualdeciple reviewed Version 3 - Read 25% of the Item

I like this part to please tell me more about this piece of work.

Tazinko avatar General Stranger

November 16, 2009

Tazinko

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Tazinko reviewed Version 3 - Read 100% of the Item

Ahh and so I finally get to see the meeting between these three characters and having read later parts already I can see a little foreshadowing in their character developments to come later.

Again you have a knack for ending at the right time and also a knack for painting a picture that seems common enough and not too extraordinary. The thing I’d like to note on here is your use of newspaper clippings and headlines, I like the concept. You dialouge flows nicely and it’s an easily read screenplay.

However I must note that having read those other parts first I cannot comment objectively on these previous parts because I see what’s going to happen developing, instead of trying to develop what’s going to happen.

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Matthewtuckey avatar

Matthewtuckey

Age: 27
Loc: United Kingdom
Gen: M
Last Login: November 22
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