Haiku/Senryu / Serengeti
Hyenas scrounging,
Like ruthless, gathering flies
On rotting gazelle
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I don’t critique based on format or any of that other bull crap. I only care about the quality of a piece of work. And, since I’m a bit of a fan of irony, kharma, balance and gore, I like this. People don’t understand that even in nature, for there to be beauty, ugliness has to exsist. You have to appreciate both good and bad because one cannot exists without the other.
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Nice. I love Haiku – done well, it is magic. If you are still working on this (I don’t work on my haiku – spitting them out and then being done with them) you might consider adding one visual or audio reference such as buzzing flies, or white striped gazelle, black blood crusted…
Thanks.
You’re correct, nature is not always nice and sometimes people tend to forget that. It is an interesting reminder about how (sorry to use your word) ruthless nature can be. It’s wonderful, and I would love to read more of your stuff.
Your description of this haiku and the haiku itself are both excellent. ZThe haiku itself is harsh, sever, and very much takes the reader to the point of attack or action. On other words, I felt like I was there, the waulity of any good haiku. I also thank you for making it this way, as nature is an ambivalent thing, wild and calm. Excellent work, I would like to see more.
It’s not bad but I would add a bit more detail.
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