Screenplay / Once Upon Scene 10 w/recap
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It seems everything I asked for in a previous review just minutes ago show up here which is great. I enjoy the set up its classic and reminds me a little bit of a couple Clive Cussler novels. And again you do a nice job of ending a scene at a point of climax thus leaving the audience on edge. Again well done.
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Minor grammar point: It should be “even FEWER people to look after them” Not “LESS people”
This seems to be a rather static scene. If I have the concept of what you are doing you have a phone conversation interspersed with news clips of fires and bombings. It doesn’t really go anywhere. Tom knows no more at the end of the conversation than he did before it started. In fact, the things he does learn make him even more confused.
The plot part is OK if you cover the missing parts in scenes after this one. My major problem is the lack of action for an extended period. Shouting into a phone is loud, not active, and news clips are just that, news clips.
Maybe have something going on behind the scene, a killer creeping up on Tom, for example. Adding cuts to the killers progress adds both action and suspense.
My two cents worth. Keep writing
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