Journal, Diary, & Blogging / Blog Fodder #17 (Analysis)

Not Mine

Light years beneath the confusion,
Compulsion, obsession- lies hate,
Dark lies fueling delusion
Breastfed by monotonous fate.

Farewell, I will not remain
Sharing half-life wholly your own.
Beloved, please revel in pain
Without me, for I stand alone.

In the dim, silent reaches of the late 70’s I loved a man without conscience. I have often wondered what that love has made of me.

I was young, impressionable, and the time I passed with a person incapable of what most would consider even the most rudimentary elements of love, may have formed me in ways that I am even yet unaware of.

Do I care less? No. Am I incapable of love, as well? No- quite capable, thank you. But to love properly? Ah- that is the right question, I think.

But what is a proper sort of love? I need a definition, a guideline, maybe a manual? One written by a self-help guru specializing in the “So- You Fell in Love with a Sociopath” genre?

Nope. Stumbling along my own dusty little trail, bemused and often confused by the whole topic is preferable to taking what could be the wrong advice. From perhaps yet another sociopath.

What has been made of me?

And do I really want to know?

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