Poetry / These Words

Though words may not fly as the sparrow at mid-summer,
expression finds voice through sincerity
For I seek neither the gift of embellishment,
Nor the approval of those whose merits would be built upon a
foundation of mediocrity
Give me honor and humility that my words would convey
even a “grain of truth”
For the folly of the oppressed is acceptance
of logic without wisdom, reason without faith;
their mind, is that of a caged beast staring through the bars
of inevitability
As they pace through meaningless space, their footprints mark
the sentences of time
Let words be the symphony of healing and understanding,
For as Giovanni, I write because the human spirit cannot be tamed
and should not be trained

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November 10, 2009

jalubcarrey

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
180	75.5% (94 votes)	29.2%

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
37	M	Muncie, IN	November 21

jalubcarrey reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Nor the approval . . . whose merits would. . .” I’d change would to “are built”
Next line, again, I’d take out “would”. Be firm in these convictions.
Is there folly in reason without faith? I suppose you have to have some faith, even in reason, in that you have faith in those who espouse knowledge for which you yourself derive learning.

I don’t understand where Giovanni came from. I need a hint here, offline if you will, in order to understand the poem. Poems are sometimes obtuse that way.

good poetic “license”.

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November 10, 2009

by DarkAngel123

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
12	75.0% (4 votes)	53.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
30	M	Canada	November 22

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Hey appreciate ur review:) your suggestion to change “whose merits would be built” to ““are built” was spot on, even found it a little ironic, because the original piece had always had the “are built” and I decided at the last minute to change the wording…the next line: Give me honor and humility that my words would convey even a “grain of truth” (critique: “Be firm in these convictions”. My response: The ‘honor’ and ‘humility’ are already attributes inherent in the author; the way its written is to merely state the obvious, which is, that these are the desired qualities (of the writer) “grain of truth” (grain or seed) is a metaphor, for eg: within an apple is a seed, the seed when planted will grow into a tree that will bear apples, not oranges, bananas, but apples, hence, the seed of truth (seed that gives life, true birth), in the literary sense this is about the writer’s own preoccupation with artistic integrity/ creative expression amidst a world of inauthenticity, my convictions here are unwavering.
Regarding Faith & reason: is there folly in reason without faith, i suppose it depends from what community your comming from and how you define the terms: I think you’d be hard pressed to convince members of the scientific community to abandon or consider using non-scientific approaches to empirical testing, it’s a stretch yes, but it only goes to illustrate the kind of skeptism that does exist. When you accept the knowledge (as you mentioned) of those you derive learning, from “faith in reason” it’s no longer faith, because faith is about beleif not based on evidence; in other words you accept the teaching purely on ‘reason’ meaning you first acquire information, rationalize it and intellectually arrive at a decision the info is either good (or bad) for learning, that’s the the bias; it’s folly in a way when you consider great men like A. Einstein, who spoke of his facination with the universe and his veneration for the power behind it (one he had no scientific explanation for)...Again thanks again for the critique

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