Poetry / letter to Kimmy (Analysis)
Where are you Kimmy please come home?
You left lil Abby all alone,
At least give me a call on the telephone
Explain this to her on your own
cuz i don't know what to say to make things right
or put things in a positive light
Just say the word and I'll make her mine
And we will live our life just fine
Just give me something to tell her broken lil heart
The reason that momma wants to live apart
She's only three she won't understand
luckily i'm here to lend a helping hand
what did she do to ever deserve this??
forgive and forget, this won't be dismissed
this adorable little girl just needs to be loved
and doesn't understand why she's been shoved
away from her mother what is she to do??
you don't understand what you've put her through
~Katie and Erik
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This 31 word review has not been unlocked.
sentiments are beautiful illustrated.
message conveyed.
the fact that its verse is fine and well although the aa, bb, cc, dd formatting can become trite. limerickish.
there is one issue that i see as ill contrived in that to make it be effective, there needs not only be the ryhme, but the cadence, and yours is not matched, hence the timing appears off. in this case i would usually prefer it not be in verse. however, you can still convey the same emotional intent while removing or adding from the lines to make them flow.
example: although this is done in a different format: ab-ab cd-cd
These Eyes are moist
This voice is loud,
As the glass I hoist
Is to choices proud…
To the thinkers and tinkers
Wee gods and truth seekers
To the sadistic and statistic
Big dogs and house speakers …
To the lassies and laddies
Sweet doves and best mates,
To the addicted and afflicted
Lost loves and first hates…
aside from that, i like it.
hope theres more to come.
cheers
- add/view comments (0)
Showing 1 - 2 of 2
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
