Poetry / Pretty Dishonest

This is an interesting peice…because right from the start, from the first line ‘i am pretty dishonest’ we don’t know what is true and what is not. The concept is okay but what it means is that every line lacks conviction because you’ve put doubt in the reader’s mind that every line could be a lie.

“Cause I’d rather have a pretty girl /who subtracts her lips from mine /than your candy coated gravestone
/that wouldn’t mind a new addition” these are your best lines but i don’t know if what you’re saying is true/real or not.

I really like the way you repeated the first stanza at the end, ties it up nicely.

EXCELLENT! I loved this piece. Your passion jumps off the page. I liked the tone, and balance very much. “I am pretty dishonest but your a pretty girl and thats the honest truth”. That is a masterful stanza. IYou have a wonderful talent! This piece reads very well. I thought the expression, and emotion were perfect. Loved it!

I like this…a lot. A near perfect piece. The flow however gets interrupted at times. Try making some changes such as:

”...if it will…” – ”...if it’ll…”

“That is” – “that’s”

...etc

The fifth stanza is perfect word flow…try to apply that to the rest of the poem. So, except for the changes needed to improve the flow and rythme of the poem I think this is really good.

I really like the play on the word “pretty”, but I don’t understand the “candy coated grave stone” Or why she would die before him. I get the feeling that both people have a bout of depression.