Poetry / Home for the Holidays

This piece immediately caused me to reflect on my own life—particularly as it concerns my emergence from adolescence into adulthood and all the twists and turns my life has taken along the way. I never thought it would come to this. (Smile) This piece triggers memories. In particular, I like the unique, sensual opening line …

It grabbed my attention, as I pictured a young boy anxious to eat a meal a mother prepared in a lifetime so VERY VERY different from the one children live today. In a way, I felt as if I was being taken back to a time -- that literally -- only exists in the mind of an elect few today who truly remember.

At any rate, it works for me and by all accounts is ready for publication. The ending, leaves me thinking of hope and expectation of a future with a little of the “ancient” past in it.

One thing I know for sure, it is a choice that I can make … regardless of the outcome … as so clearly explained in the third stanza. I say, “GO FOR IT!” It’s well written.

The images this conjure in my mind…I like.  That’s one thing I truly appreciate about all of your poetry, it conjures images.  Whether or not it’s your image, I have no idea, but you understand what I’m saying.

As for the structure of the poem, you should know that I get thrown off in the rhythm during stanza two.  Am I reading something funny?  Maybe I’m stressing something incorrectly.  It seemed to speed up for me there (weird, huh?)

Rambling review over.  If you need more explanation I guess there’s always comments.

-Paula

Very moving “I choose this life
thrust upon me by birth
welcoming the violence
to stand forth a man
who remembers the infinite”.  I definitely know where that’s coming from!  I like the simplicity of the last lines in contrast to the stanza before it.  Really sums up a lot about human nature, and the average kid ‘home for the holidays’ and around all the things they left in the first place.  

This poem truly puts me in the element, yet the punctuation is nonexistent. It is hard to follow in some form of how you are trying to tell your story without the needed pauses. The images are solid, the meaning is deep, and it is well wriiten. My only quarel is the lack of punctuation just takes away from the poem a tad bit.

I loved this piece the imagery is very compelling. Your mastery of the idiom is readily apparent. The only small comment I can make is to eliminate the unessesarry words, such as and or that.  I did notice your use of the word “thatâ€? in the passage “and struggled in
biting winds that would close
the mind’s eye
ere it fully opens� was needed, but this is an unusual exception.

Well Done!

Chris
B.Niceâ„¢

This is an interesting piece. I love the word “doorword” early in the poem. I’m not sure if it’s a real word, but if it isn’t, I love your creation and use of it. This sentence (I choose this life
thrust upon me by birth
welcoming the violence) makes it seem if the speaker wasn’t born into this family then they wouldn’t have chosen it.
With the title denoting some type of holiday gathering (easter, christmas, thanksgiving, etc), I’m curious as to which holiday since it isn’t mentioned. In fact, the issue of the holiday kind of fades into the background for most of the poem. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, it just is.
As to the publication potential: all poetry is subjective. One person’s gold mine is another’s junk, so I don’t think anyone except a publisher/editor turning you down or accept your work is qualified to make that decision. I could see it in print. It has that ambiguity yet complex nature that published poets seem to have. I suppose that’s why my own poems will most likely never get published; they are too straight-forward.
Good luck and keep writing!

I am not sure if the sentences are ending where they were meant to be, as Urbis changed their display format yet again.  I do like the choices of words and the flow of the poem.  I like the reference to food, but it seems to only occur at the beginning and the end of the poem, I almost wish there’s at least one more reference to that somewhere else.  The paragraph starting with “I choose this life… ” is very nice.  Good work.

I really enjoyed this piece. I liked all the imagery, like the storm brewing in solitude outside, awaiting your return. I especially like the last line, mingling metaphor with literal action: “dining on peace, and awaiting dessert”. Nice work.

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March 31, 2006

by sonnetteer

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I’m glad you did.  This is very much an experiment for me, in that I have written structured verse almost exclusively for about the last decade.  Thank you for your thoughts.

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