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Journalism / Amityville remake
Amityville Review
Conor Sanders
Staff Writer
There are 3 types of horror movies being made in Hollywood right now: The I-see-dead-people-M. Night Shamaylan-Others movies. The Japanese-horror remake that turns a once good movie into an American pile of dung. And the 1970’s social satirical horror movie remade for Generation-Y.
The Amityville Horror, Hollywood’s next attempt at “reinventing” a classic horror film, has all three tired formulas wrapped into one big campy gore-fest. Which can work when done well – Dead Alive, the Evil Dead series, The Toxic Avenger. The problem with the new Amityville is that it wasn’t meant to be a campy horror flick. In fact, I think the filmmakers wanted me to be scared instead of laughing my ass off throughout the film.
Here is a little back story of the movie that became a legend that became a remake.
Based on the true story of Ronald Defeo, Jr. and the murder of his entire family. Both his parents, his two brothers and his two sisters were murdered by Defeo in the early morning hours on Nov. 14 1974. Those are the facts.
Then things get a little muddy. The next year the Lutz family moved into the house and then “fled the house, never returning for their belongings. Shortly after, the Lutzs’ recounted their “story” of what happened to their story to author Jay Anson – I say “story” because over the past 30 years it has been debated that the whole thing was a hoax, made up by Defeo’s attorney as a way to prove that Defeo really was possessed by demon’s and the house was the reason. Whatever, It makes a hell of a ghost story.
Ansons’ book, The Amityville Horror told of a demonic house that tortured the Lutz family with haunting visions of ghosts, bleeding walls and even the possession of the patriarch himself, George Lutz. The book sold millions of copies becoming one of the best-selling horror novels of all time. Not long after, the first Amityville was made. Starring James Brolin and Margot Kidder as George and Kathy Lutz, the first Amityville became kind of like the holy grail of haunted houses for horror fans; and the house itself became a star of it’s own.
Enter the remake. The new Amityville Horror stars thespians Ryan Reynolds, (National Lampoon’s Van Wilder), and Melissa George as the happy couple with the happy children, who move into their dream home with their happy little dog. Imagine their surprise when they find out that said dream house is a steal. Can you guess where I’m going from here? Luckily the nervous realtor reassures them that there is nothing wrong with the house… Except for the fact that the house was the scene of a mass murder the year before. But the nice little town of Amityville has moved on, and it really is such a nice place to raise children, blah, blah, blah.
Soon after the move little sister starts seeing dead people, actually it’s one of the dead sister’s from the Defeo family. Although creepy, the dead sister looks like she crawled out of the Ring and on to the set of Amityville.
George soon starts hearing voices, and slowly becomes possessed. How does the audience know Mr. Lutz is in the throes of possession? His eyes become more bloodshot the more he becomes possessed. Clever
The worst travesty of the movie is the house itself. It’s not the same g-damn house as in the original! Here they are, remaking a film with the most memorable house since the Psycho house and they changed the house. Sure, it still has the dormer windows that leer at you from the outside like a demon waiting for you soul, but they also added a right and left wing to the house, making it much less sinister. Which isn’t surprising, given that Scott Kosar, the screenwriter who brought out the softer side of Leatherface in 2003’s retread of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre also adapted the screenplay for this film.
A complete rip-off of all haunted house/ possession flicks, The Amityville Horror is uninspired, inane and disjointed. Filled with scenes with no point what-so-ever, except to manipulate the audience to jump in their seats when a skull flashes over a human face, this film is only for diehard genre fans and/ or gore-hounds, of which I am, but I’m pissed that I had to pay for it.
Best/ Worst Line: “Houses don’t kill people, people do.”
Best Part: The finger probing of a bullet hole in the head.
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Well, I can certainly give you credit for explaining all of the gore for us. I am not big into horror films, mainly because I am a big puss, but the way you described it I wouldn’t be scared, just freaked out. My favorite line in your peice was “Here is a little back story of the movie that became a legend that became a remake.” I love that line. All of the good classic movies are being remade because studios have apparently run out of good ideas of their own and have started ripping off other people. This is a very good review and even though I hate scary movies I did enjoy reading your this.
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October 18, 2006
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I think overall your journalistic review of the Amityville remake is good. You bring home the point that Hollywood makes senseless remakes just to make money, sometimes ignoring what made the original good in the first place.
As far as your journalistic style, I think you would have to clean-up a few words. I’m not sure the major publications would want words like “pissed” and “g-damn”—I know you use them for emphasis, but you always have to remember your audience.
I like your use of analogies in the piece. Your writing still is good. Watch your formatting and do a good job of editing your work. It will really polish-off your submissions.
Good job!
July 25, 2006
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Ah, did you know that Ronald Defeo never existed? The whole Amityvile Horror was all made up over a glass of red wine that sucked the world in? I remember an I/V they had with an Australian journo and they blustered their way thru the I/V which made me sit up and take notice and think: CRAP!
I thought the book sucked and the movie wasn’t that far behind it. I haven’t seen the remake for I’m not a horror movie buff…even though I watched a beauty about a month ago called Dead Birds…Jay Anson was supposedly cursed by the manuscript and “died” mysteriously. Seriously, people really THOUGHT this crappy story was for real. I like your piece and what you had to say was interesting…Melissa George…I still remember her on an Australian soapie called E-Street or something stupid along that line…
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