Short Story / Duke of the House of Dukie

In my opinion there’s nothing more wince-making than the cute pet puff piece, but this is definitely not that, thanks to your funny choice of voice.

I adore the wording of this sentence “The old hat trick of paper on floor does not suit this connoisseur of hot steamer on aged wooden oak floor”, except I’d remove “hat”, since a hat trick connotes something done thrice.  I think it’s a term from darts.  Or you could use a hyphen (“old-hat”) to discourage that reading.  ”Hot steamer”, however, is lovely.  Oh, and “aged wooden oak floor” needs to be “floors” if there’s not going to be an article (“the” or “an”).  Nit-picking aside, I swear I love your wording here.

In the phrase “The mesh is pontificated by a wash of blessed urine…” did you mean “mess”?  Look up “pontificated” and make sure that’s the word you want.

Some readers are annoyed at this trend in writing, the uniting of the words of a whole phrase so it is clearly referred to as one thing, but you might consider putting hyphens between all the words of “I shit all over you but you still can’t stop loving me” so it doesn’t blur into the rest of the sentence.  If you had it in italics in the original draft and it didn’t show up…

HTML MINI-LESSON:  You know the “less-than” and “greater-than” math symbols above the comma and period (respectively) on your keyboard?  Think of them as brackets, ‘cuz that’s how you’re gonna use them.  To italicize a word or passage, precede the word with a lower-case “i” in those brackets (not the regular brackets, now, but comma&shift and period&shift).  This turns the italics on.  After the word or passage you want in italics, do the same thing except with the “i” preceded by a slash:  ”/i”, also enclosed in the less-than and greater-than brackets.  This turns the italics off.   I can’t type out the actual example because I don’t know how to do that without it kicking in the html, and then they’d disappear when I post this, like your commands above will do when you post them (they take up no space).  

Forgive me if you already knew that.

I like how you use the elevated language to talk about dog poop.  (“I will intensify my efforts in all areas where puppy edification is paramount…”)  This high-contrast approach to subject/content is something I find really funny, but believe me not all readers do.

I hate to point out typos, especially since so many other people love to, so skip this section if you don’t wanna hear about typos and oversights:

“but he insist on doing as he pleases” should say “insists”.

“dogs emulate their owners in looks but most of in attitude.”  Is there an “all” missing?

“an over size tail”... oversized

” than he will be exile to the life of a porch dog.”  ThEn he will be exileD.

“Duke, for all practical purposes is way to cute”  Way toO cute. As for  ”For all practical purposes”? Are you sure that’s what you mean?  

Overall I thought this piece was funny and your affected high-falutin’ tone kept it from being one of those cute pet pieces like you read in airplane magazines or Reader’s Digest.  I hope you use your talent for wry description like this in longer fictional pieces, as it’s a rare aspect of Urbis postings.

Cute essay on the joys and challenges of being a dog caretaker. (Apparently, it’s politically incorrect to be a pet owner; we have been reclassified as pet caretakers.) Several amusing passages concerning housebreaking.

Some grammar issues: In “Its not like I haven’t been trying…� – should be it’s
Puppy-pest should be hyphenated
Insist should be insists
Blacken crap – black crap or blackened
Image – imagine
“… but most of in attitude. – most of all in attitude
Oversize is one word
Exile – exiled
Way to cute – way too cute
I think you need “The� in front of “I shit all over you …� the I shit all over you… part should either be in quote or, better, hyphenated The I-shit-all-over-you-but-you-still-can’t-stop-loving-me routine… (it’s actually a compound adjective describing the routine)

In all it’s a nice piece of work that I’m sure all dog lovers will identify with.

This would be alot funnier if I didn’t have Dukes two sisters. Before them I used to have a couch and two recliners. The couch hit the curb after alot of industrious chewing and one of the recliners has no cushioning in it. I do like what you have written and don’t see any thing I would change. Keep up the good work. or as they say at the theatre…Encore!

tis hilarious to me! perhaps because i have a puppy myself.
only complaint is ‘the chewing’ ang tugging on my sweaters until he has ripped them.

okay, review…

this four month monstrosity that hides behind those big brown eyes and a friendly paw.>> great line

i like this one also:

The puppy is rude, offensive, and down right mean at times but somehow through his mystical cuteness that could only come at his young age he pulls off the impossible. I shit all over you but you still can’t stop loving me routine is perfected by all puppies no matter what breed>>

and this:

It was evident right off the freaking bat as soon as he learned to piss on the go and eat laying down. I’m not saying that I piss on the run or eat in my bed but his tendencies to be as lazy as a federal employee could be said about me.>>

what ARE you saying?

Duke, for all practical purposes is way to cute to sit out in the cold and howl at the moon utterly alone.>>

pleeeeease don’t resort to THAT.

so where is the critique?
awww. to me writing comedy is difficult enough, and you have succeeded! i don’t correct grammar or spelling, i look for the feeling, the piece leaves with me and i am laughing…so i applaud you.

peace
solange~