Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate your thoughts on the usage of mange. I used the past tense of mange to express time. This poem could spawn off to something more. Your questions are relevant in the creation of maybe a short story or screenplay. Thank you so very much.
The item you were looking for was deleted.
Poetry / The eighth deadly sin... (A tale of 7 Degrees)
Avarice
I met man who sold his soul for everything.
Gluttony
His wife walked by a homeless man eating a hotdog, drinking diet cola and adjusting her muumuu.
Sloth
The homeless man (with manged hair) soiled himself and then finished off a bottle of wine given to him with money from a teenage boy.
Wrath
The teenage boy was on parolle for beating his girlfriend.
Lust
Who was a professional when pleasing men, but only to feed her hunger for addiction supplied by her drugdealer.
Pride
The drugdealer who sold drugs to feed his daughter… until he bought the gold wristwatches and new car.
Envy
His daughter wishes she could see her father, but where is the time?
Silence
...and I sit here and to watch it all pass me by and have yet to say a thing.
Your list of actors(in order)
Avarice
Gluttony
Sloth
Wrath
Lust
Pride
Envy
and introducing
Silence
Copyright Thom Penn © 2006
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED SPECIFICALLY FOR THE OWNER OF THIS WORK
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
Queen_of_Cups reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Ok, everyone else caught the oopses… I liked this a lot, sort of like a 2006 version of Dante’s Inferno.
Now if we could just get silence in here…
- add/view comments (0)
Guruwho reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
An enjoyable piece and as your other reviewers have noted,well written and clever.
“The homeless man (with manged hair)”
I’m not sure if this line should read, mangled or mangey, either would do but I am not sure about manged.
So now you have broken your silence
The stage is set, the play is written,and there are many actors on every street corner.
The device of structuring a narrative around the seven deadly sins is not a new one,
eg Chaucers “Canturbury Tales”, which also incorporates the Crash/7 degrees idea.
You have identified an eigth deadly sin, silence.
Perhaps this could be more expansively explored.
What are the further consequences of silence?
What might be the consequences of speaking up versus getting personally involved?
Is there an eigth degree of seperation also?
Interesting work. Keep it up
sassybill reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
Wow, that was just very nice. I have to agree that I cannot find anything wrong it; the piece is short, but I do not think it would work as well with more words. The only thing I can find, and this is nitpicky, is the misspelling of parole. This is very good, thank you for sharing!
jkazimer reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100%% of the Item
I know I’m supposed to give you some type of criticism, but that was an amazing piece. Wow, I am very impressed, and oddly reluctant to cast the first stone.
Showing 1 - 4 of 4
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Item Stats
GENERAL
4 Reviews 3 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: over 2 years ago
REVIEW QUEUE
Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Ratings & Rankings
