Like the stone breaking the surface on a windless pond
they took her reflection from my life
She lived for a moment, in the bean-store window
then was rippled away – blocked by a FedEx truck
Our eyes met, an electricity lighting our hearts
that truck was a blackout of white, orange, blue
Packages are inspiration for excitement
but now they take away beauty too?
They are thieves.
Both in their rates, and in their parking.
So FedEx I ask you, though your purpose is noble
do not park your truck in front of coffee-girl
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
September 03, 2005
it explains your problem adequately, not that poetically perhaps. but i know what you mean. i hate that too. when i’m trying to see “something” and cars get in the way
take out “electricity and our hearts” (waaay to cliche) and you have something pretty good here
This poem is kind of fun, I didn;t think a FedEx truck could be the subject of a romantic poem.
I like the way that you’ve conveyed that this took place prior to the Kinko’s/FedEx merger, in that the truck’s orange lettering hadn’t yet been changed to green. Must have been a year or more ago, eh? It’s comforting that you’ve preserved the old FedEx colors so eloquently for all eternity.
The rhyme scheme is a bit irregular, but I love this poem. I think this poem captures your frustration very clearly.
I think it captures your frustration. Although at first I thought that the girl was hit by a truck. It is well organized, but a little too overdramatic for my taste, little hard for me to emphathize with the egocentric nature of your poem. The how dare fed-ex spoil my view vibe, just can’t relate.
This is funny (hope it was meant to be). I really like:
Packages are inspiration for excitement
but now they take away beauty too?
I feel your frusteration in this poem. Always hate it when a lovely view is blocked. One thing, it seems that either something else negative should be said about packages before saying “now they take away beauty too”,(as if there is something else it takes away), or the too should just be dropped.
Showing 1 - 8 of 8
Ratings & Rankings
Review item
Add to faves
