Short Story / Daisy
Almost everyone knew Daisy was beautiful. Everywhere she went she captured the attention of everyone around. Her bright smile and pleasing voice touched all those who surrounded her and everyone loved her. The attention came from all around and never ceased. This was fine with Daisy; she loved the company and found time for everyone.
Despite her contentment with those around her, she was never completely happy with herself. Sure, she knew she had plenty going for her with her good looks and engaging personality, but she couldn’t help but feel like something important was missing. She was genuine in her affection toward those around her, and she really had a way of making them feel better. She was very satisfied with this aspect of herself, but she wondered if she really was beautiful. Everyone around her would certainly say so, but she had a sneaking suspicion something was missing. She knew she was not a possessor of true beauty, but could not understand exactly what it was she lacked.
On an inviting crisp spring morning Daisy decided to take a walk through a park not far from her home. Daisy loved the scenery and enjoyed it often. The fresh smell of the blooming bushes and trees lifted her spirits. By chance, during her walk she met a woman whom she had never seen before. The lady was very unattractive, with blue veins streaking across her wide potted face. The stranger sat on a dewy bench with her legs folded underneath her. Her right hand steadied a brown canvas that she painted on with her left. On the canvas was a scene depicting a lovely green park with green grass and towering trees. Daisy decided to take a seat next to the lady and admire the creation. “Good morning.” Daisy interrupted. “I see you like to paint.”
“Good morning. Yes, I do like to paint, but I’m afraid I’m not too good at it.” The lady looked at Daisy and gave a warm smile.
“It looks to me as if you have a real talent. May I look at it?” Daisy enjoyed looking at other people’s artistic works and trying to appreciate what went through their mind as each element of the design was manifested.
“Of course, tell me what you think.” The lady handed the canvas to Daisy.
Daisy looked at the painting. She was surprised at what she saw. The grass stretched far out into the distance until it met the clear blue sky. The towering oak trees looked down as if they were shielding her from some unseen danger. There was a small gray squirrel wrestling with an acorn apparently retrieved from the nearby wooded area. She could feel the warmth from the sun as it beamed down on the landscape. She sat and admired every inch of the creation.
As she marveled at the clarity of the lady’s clear blue sky, an unknown feeling began to enter her body. It felt like a sense of enlightenment had entered her mind like an emerging dream. The painting came to life in her mind and captivated her senses. For a brief moment she received a glimpse at an idea that astounded her. She saw the painting as an indefinite mechanism that served to guide the constant cycle of change that brought it to life. But even though she tried her hardest, she couldn’t see in what direction it was guiding her. The destination was unknown and probably unknowable.
Daisy looked up and saw that the lady had a very concerned look on her face. She suddenly felt very embarrassed. She had no idea how long she was staring at the canvas. “I’m sorry. It’s very beautiful. You’re very talented.” She gave the canvas back to the lady.
“Well, thank you, but I think I need some more practice.” Her _expression had changed from concern to bewilderment. She wasn’t sure what to think of Daisy.
“Don’t you think it’s beautiful?” Daisy once again admired the canvas. She hardly took her eyes off it. “I mean, it’s like it comes to life right in front of your eyes.”
“Well, no, I wouldn’t say that it’s beautiful. It’s too amateur-looking.” The lady’s _expression had changed once more and she beamed a warm smile again toward Daisy.
“Can I ask you a question?” Daisy turned her gaze away from the canvas and studied the lady’s face. Up close, the lady’s face appeared more unpleasant than it had before.
“Go ahead.” The lady was beginning to feel very uncomfortable. She felt the intensely beautiful young lady seated next to her survey her face. Something about this young girl, no matter how pretty and charming seemed unnatural and needy. Her behavior was very erratic and made the lady nervous.
“How are you able to casually create something so captivating and enjoyable? I mean, I’ve never been able to craft something that people can actually appreciate. Everyone has always been so preoccupied with my looks, or just making mundane conversation with me. They aren’t interested in my ideas, or my goals or my dreams. They just want to be around me for the sake of being in my company.” In her elevated and animated state, Daisy really began to alarm the lady seated next to her. “Why can’t I do it? No matter how I try, I just can’t do it.”
The lady became so uncomfortable with Daisy’s demeanor and strange line of questions that she felt a strong inclination to leave. “I’m sorry, but I really don’t know what you mean.” She glanced at her wrist as if she had a watch. “And look at the time. I have to leave now.” The lady gathered her things as Daisy watched her with an uneasy and unsatisfied countenance. “Goodbye, young lady.” As she stood up and walked away, the lady began to feel sorry for Daisy, as pretty as she was. She hesitated in her steps and turned to Daisy to find her still seated on the bench, with the same troubled look on her face. She felt compelled to say something to make Daisy feel better. “I’m sorry I can’t answer your questions, I just don’t know the answer. I do know that sometimes, young lady, you just have to be happy with who you are. Life is a fleeting thing, and often times it doesn’t really matter if others are on board with you or not.” She again sent a gleaming smile toward Daisy. “You are beautiful – be grateful for that.” She shuffled her belongings in her arms, turned and walked away.
Daisy remained on the bench and watched the lady as she went on her way. She sat and thought about her. She had a deep admiration for her talents. Anybody who could casually create such a masterpiece was a true artist. And how modest she was! Like her work was really no good. She appreciated her kind words, but found no comfort in them. The lady had told her nothing she didn’t already know. She felt bad for making her uncomfortable and causing her to leave. That wasn’t characteristic of Daisy at all; she was used to making people feel better with her charm and grace. It was rare that someone could strike a cord with her as the stranger had unwittingly done.
As Daisy sat and thought about the woman, she began to realize why their encounter was so different than she was used to. Daisy was jealous of her. She was jealous over the one thing the lady had that she didn’t. She had the courage and the ability to create admirable objects that would outlast her life. Beauty is not immortal, and true beauty lies only in the creation of itself. For all her bashfulness and unattractiveness, the lady seemed to have a great advantage over Daisy when it came to self actualization and contentment. Daisy wasn’t accustomed to jealousy and it dwelled painfully in her mind as she sat on the bench.
For as long as Daisy could remember, she had been the type who genuinely cared about people and loved to make their lives brighter in any way she could. This was a true virtue, and she appreciated this being recognized by others around her. But what would happen to this virtue over the course of time? Would she lose the ability to love people and help them as she loses her looks and congeniality? Can the possession of beauty be compared to the glory of creating it?
Daisy thought of all those around her whom she loved very much. She thought of all they did for her and how much they really meant to her. If they loved her for her beauty, what would they do when it withered and died? Would they remember her? Would they all fade away? And then where would she be? What would she be?
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This was an interesting story. It held my attention, but I have to say that I was a bit unsatisfied at the end – there were so many questions asked and no answers. Of course, it does leave a lot to the reader’s imagination, and it leaves lots of room open for a “part 2” or even to just expand on this story. There were a couple typos (ex: “Her _expression”; “lady’s _expression”), which is no big deal. To me, it was kind of strange how the story started out very innocent, but by the end it became a very deep one; I didn’t see it coming. You do have very good desciptions, though, and beautiful imagery. Great job. =]
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OKay first of all your a good writer. With this story I get it then you write something that confuses. It’s like she’s learned that she has this jealousy in her and then you try to make it look like she learned the people only like her because of her looks. She did a good job describing the portrait which was one of the most important things in this story. I just didnt get why the woman treated her that way at all though.
There is a good story here struggling to get out. You write well, but I think you need to try to tell the story without relying on telling us all of Daisy’s thoughts literally. It’s too straightforward of an approach. Telling us her thoughts in a sort of sideways manner, through actions and dialog, would make for a more interesting read.
Some proofreading comments:
You use the word “everyone” three times in the first paragraph. Plus one “everywhere”.
2nd paragraph: repeats “those around her” twice, plus another “everyone around her”.
“interrupted”: I didn’t get the sense she was interrupting the woman, unless the woman had been speaking at the time.
“an unknown feeling”: too vague. I know you explain the feeling in the next sentence, but still, this doesn’t sound right.
“received a glimpse” of, not at
“She saw the painting as an indefinite mechanism that served to guide the constant cycle of change that brought it to life”. Not sure what this means.
“_expression” _ is typo? You have it twice.
In the same paragraph as the first _expression, you briefly switch POV from Daisy to the lady, then back again.
“studied the lady’s face. Up close, the lady’s face”...you could use a pronoun here instead of repeating “the lady’s face”
Starting with ““Go ahead.”, the POV switches back and forth between the lady and Daisy several times. I think the story should be strictly from Daisy’s point of view unless you have a strong reason to change it, and then only change it once.
“strike a cord”: chord
Your story is trying to convey a sentiment that is worth exploring – the fleetingness of beauty, the ephemeral nature of youth, and the realisation that we all grow old, and possibly ugly.
I liked the story, but there are some issues I would like to highlight.
The story starts off by suggesting that Daisy is possibly beautiful, but feels that she “lacks something”. You never make it clear what this is – or whether she does indeed lack something. The ending of the story does not seem to connect with the beginning.
Some grammar suggestions:
“but feel like something” = use “as if” instead of “like”
“she was not a possessor of true beauty” => do not use passive, rather “she did not possess”
“It’s too amateur-looking.” = rather say “amateurish”
And “cord” = should be “chord”
September 10, 2006
Deleted User
This 59 word review has not been unlocked.
She knew she was not a possessor of true beauty, but could not understand exactly what it was she lacked.
Would she lose the ability to love people and help them as she loses her looks and congeniality?
These two sentences contradict one another and undermine the theme of this post. In the second sentence above you’ve shown that Daisy ties her looks and her charm together, yet in the opening paragraph and throughout the post she tries not to. If her charm and her looks are truly two separate things, then why the deep introspection at the close of the post?
The key to the theme seems to be this sentence:Can the possession of beauty be compared to the glory of creating it? Both are really gifts. Daisy has been graced by good looks, and the artist has been graced with an ability to recognize and paint it. However, Daisy, with her good looks cannot recognize beauty, where the woman without the good looks can. If the artist is truly jealous of Daisy, she hasn’t reached any pinnacle of contentment. If she is not jealous, it shows how shallow Daisy is, in contradiction to her strong desire to help people.
Otherwise well written, with strong characters and imagery. The section describing the painting was inspired, and displays your talent as a writer.
Your message is worthwhile but your delivery has problems. First, you tell about Daisy but it would be more meaningul and memorable if you SHOWED me how she is these things. Unless, in stead of truth, this is just Daisy’s perception of herself which is incorrect. I don’t think that was your intention.
Does anyone actually think that they have an engaging personality? No. They might think they were charming or personable but never the words engaging personality when referring to oneself.
Also, the old lady found her strange and needy…yet this seems completely out of the blue. I don’t see Daisy’s behavior with the old woman to be all that strange. I felt the old woman was overreacting.
Once again you tell me about Daisy’s jealousy..and her realization about herself but you tell me, can’t you show me? Perhaps, let her go home, buy a canvas, and try to paint and fail. Then give me a look into her emotions about her failure. Then, when she sees the old woman again—avoids her out of jealousy and anger…then the realization.
That might play in a more exciting way. Your idea is solid and you have a good grasp of language but your plot and character development need work. Good beginning draft though.
I don’t know if you intended this but there’s an underscore before the word “expression,’ twice around the 10th paragraph.
Daisy seems to be a unique character and has a personality that most people wouldn’t focus on, but is still interesting.
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