Poetry / Time

Good advice  Nice poem with a message that reads well and is not preachy.

I liked it.,

This poem seems more geared towards a younger audience.  Basically all three stanzas say the same thing… don’t waste time.  This is severely one-note and really doesn’t explain anything about how time relates to human existence except that it never stops for us.  

“into tomorrow

and then it is gone…”

In truth, Time never goes anywhere, man does.  Into tomorrow man will be gone, but not time.  This piece lacks any significant insight into the thought of “making the most of one’s existance”  I would strongly suggest tying existential thoughts and metiphors to something human.  That’s what makes those thoughts deep and meaningful; if we have nothing to relate them to then they carry no weight.  Poetry is about emotional experience, not pure definition, I have my dictionary for that.

My apologies for this being very abrasive, but that’s how I feel.

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July 28, 2006

by Octmauw

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Hey. We’re all allowed to ‘feel’.  Its your opinion and thats ok.  Smile

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You begin with a cliche.  Sadly, the remainder doesn’t evolve.

the idea of trying to describe the passage of time is a great one, but i feel like the description is missing something.
your opening line is a bit cliche, and i think your use of the word ‘time’ is a bit repetitive, and as a result loses something in the piece.

you’re describing “time”, but perhaps you should try to create more of an image of time, what does it look like for time to pass?  how can you make the most of this passage, avoid mistakes, or learn from past ones…