Poetry / Beneath the Veil

The interruption of the “he” is startling. Maybe a name or else bring him in in the first sentence (which is spread over the first few lines, I know). Also, it’s unclear what the steely blue pole is but it would definitely help clean up the lines if you wrote “a steely blue pole rips all pretense from her.” The archaic structuring does nothing for this poem. Or perhaps for any poem that is written after 1890. Also I’d lose the mention of veil in the poem or else lose it from the title …maybe just call it “Beneath.” Using it twice just beats us over the head with it. I like the ending a lot and the way that “silken” instead of “silk” slows down the line and slides it off like a veil. Go with that. You have the theme for a very nice onomatopoetic poem where the sounds of the words echo the gesture.