Poetry / Suppressed

I am supressed
I want to rip a hole through the earth
and scream until I can’t bare to utter a sound.
I want to pound and cry and let it all go…
I want to disappear into the depths of the universe.
Not existing is better than living.
I want to walk on the sun,
until I shrivel up. Until there’s no evidence of the person I was.
I’m so good at remembering
the things I wish I’d forget.
And no one forgets the things I’ve said.
So I’m trapped in the set of my horrible mouth.
Memories hurt me.
Waking up is painful.
Seeing them, seeing you,
is a constant reminder of the monster I am.
My words are daggers to my own heart.
It all comes back in a vicious cycle to tear me apart
and eat me alive.