Poetry / A Couple's Breakfast

An interesting and not uncommon scene, I like your use of imagery in it. It seems as though there is a bit of a bite with the last line, a touch of sarcasm, perhaps, and I like it. Kudos.

This is a nice, subtle reflection on a public display of affection—very sympathetic and tender. The little question at the end makes it gently humorous.
Nice brushwork.

First, I do not like the word ‘scootching’ it is a teen type word a word that is like ‘sucker’(refering to a lollypop). The feeling I get from this poem is that is it sexy and lusty not teenage lusting. The word just doesn’t capture that feeling. That being said I also feel that it needs to be filled out a little bit more. The poem seems to be a bit bare. You have some great lines, ’ not a perfect couple
but perfectly in love’.

I like the sense of the poem, but again I really think that it needs to be worked on and filled in a bit more.

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June 12, 2006

by NateMcCoy

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I didn’t realize that scootching was a catch-phrase for the Hillary Duff crowd?  My mom still uses that word… she is not a teen.  The fact that an agegroup, gender, or race of poeple could take a word/image and “own” it due to frequent use is annoying to say the least… what happened to my rainbow, I want my goddamn rainbow back!

But that’s cool you liked my poem enough that you wanted to read more of it… but that’s all I wrote, because that’s all I saw.  My own hunger took priority over watching them any longer.

Note to self: don’t use Scootch anymore, and make poems longer in general… thanks for the insight.

scootch trans.v. A movement of the body, whether it be turning around, sliding over, or moving to make room for someone else. Originating from the word scoot. “Scootch around so I can see.”

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Your depiction of the couple in question makes me happy. “Not a perfect couple / but perfectly in love”.. Excellent choice in words, and a sweet image. I also enjoy how you write from the perspective of a narrator observing the couple, perhaps a waitress at a romantic restaurant. Your poem seems to elicit much imagery that you didn’t explicitly write. Keep up the good work!