Poetry / breath

In February
to be able to obtain
it is dependent upon the fog
and it is thick
and it was discharged

there was a lamp
darkness.
As for the person
the person that catches the door of the office,
it is the wonder.
The perfume it dampened
the odor which greeted the nose

the office,
that the air of absent intelligence is supposed
it took for the second time

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Reviews

July 18, 2006

sukierain2u

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
188	60.9% (23 votes)	38.1%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
56	F	Germany	September 04

sukierain2u reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

Interesting. I can relate to some of the phrases but maybe not understand totally what you are going for. I reread it twice and still it calls for me to read it once again.

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July 18, 2006

Darkshine_Raven

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
13	66.7% (3 votes)	7.9%

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25			November 24

Darkshine_Raven reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

I like where I think that this piece is going, but I’m not sure that I totally know. Maybe I’m dim…but I feel like you’re not quite giving the reader all the
help they need to see the full picture.

That piece aside, I think that there are some great lines in this

“As for the person
the person that catches the door of the office,
it is the wonder”

Awesome. Definitely publishable work…with some reviewing and polishing, which is quite normal.

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July 17, 2006

Earl_Daniels

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
410	91.9% (99 votes)	77.8%

REVIEW QUALITY: 0.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats

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41	M	Madison, FL	March 17

Earl_Daniels reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

I wish I could say that I completely got this poem…I didn’t. It’s was like trying to look into a broken mirror. I saw an image but the vision was all broken up and scattered.
Your imagery is there and what you’re saying is strong, but the ideas don’t seem connected.

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July 17, 2006

by Mr_Pebbles

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
113	63.6% (22 votes)	33.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
59	M	Washington, DC	April 04

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It is about a prostitute and her john.
She must feed her family in the winter and he is the fog. He consumes her – covers her. He is the person that catches the door to the “office.” To him it is an exciting event. He assumes that she is just a waste and that is why the “air of absent intelligence is supposed takes for the second time.” The first time is something that happend to her in the past. THe second time are his actions.