Poetry / Seeing Double

Interesting way to speak about writer’s block. Music does get you through sometimes. I like to fill my day with various activities. My muse appears and disappears at her whim.

A very entertaining poem.  I like the use of repetition with typo wrongo.  It’s nice to see something this original.  For the most part, the poem has good rhythm and flows well, but there are a couple of instances where the flow goes out the window, particularly the “And even the silly thoughts… bullet-proof fuzzy glass”.  I feel like that part could use reworking, and fuzzy bullet-proof sounds better to my ear than bullet-proof fuzzy.  Also, “Here’s to all those… typing wrongo” might work better as two lines, with the break coming after dounble.  I think that gives it a better rhythm, and I think good rhythm would be desirable when you’re talking about playing the bongo.  All in all, though, I really liked this poem for its unpretentious giddiness, and I think it expresses a mood I haven’t encountered in a poem before.  A very charming piece.

I think it’s fun.  I also like the way you successfully show off your speaker’s thinking process, something often tried on this site, but rarely with successful effect.  Fun poems fail to excite me much as a reader, but who cares about me.  My only useful comment is that I wonder about your repetition of “seeing double” and “thinking fuzzy.”  Neither represent the epitome of poetic diction, neither really add to the swirl of the rhythm of the poem.  If they did, I’d say ok, at least the line structure and cadence reflects and evokes the speaker’s attempts to focus.  As is, I think these phrases are fun once, but you might have room to replace them with other fun phrases for the second time around.  ”Bongos” is such a goofy word that I somehow feel it’s very sound encorporates the comical resolution to the piece.  Otherwise, I’d say the same there, but I think it works twice.  Hell, it’d probably work as a refrain.

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July 05, 2006

by tnt007

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
76	78.6% (14 votes)	27.3%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
46	F	Wylie, TX	October 28

Thanks for the kudos.

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Tthat was pretty interesting. Witty and cute all rolled up into one.

Very fun.  I hear more of a song in it than a poem.  Seems like something you could jam to.

haha, interesting.  I am diggin the drunken writing. love the line ‘here’s to all those seeing double, thinking fuzzy and typing wrongo’.  makes me happy to think about rather than playing bongos playing bass naked.  liked the storyline of it, made me think of some old times.  good stuff.

i really like the line “maybe music is the way to go today”.  this is a really fun meta-poem!  Good job.

I think the whole thing has a raw kind of feel, with a raw thought process and a raw kind of tone.

“Typo wrongo
Play the bongo
Maybe music is the way to go today”

I love how you made that smooth transition to another topic with “Music is the way to go today”, and then repeat it at the end.

I also like your multiple use of the word “fuzzy”. It gives the poem a loose and ‘fuzzy’ feel.

In my eyes, excellent poem. It gives the impression that the character is in some type of imparity (a hangover is the first thing that comes to mind).

Overall excellent poem.

This poem is cute- lots of quirk and word play and tongue-in-cheek allusions.  Primarily to cannibis, I’m guessing…?

I’m not wild about this line “make it through the bullet proof fuzzy glass.”  It doesn’t work for me as a metaphor, and “bullet” seems rather harsh compared to the mellow, silly tenor that you’ve got going on in the rest of the poem.

Descriptive of the emotions you want to convey, which is high or drunk.  Near the end, it seems to go into stream of conciousness, which works for the theme of the poem.  I’m guessing your narrorator is some kind of beatnik or hippy from the mention of bongos.  It is a good piece, so keep it up!