Lyrics / Taste

This is really good. It ties together nicely, it seems to have rhythm even without music. This is cool.

The Movielife, huh? Good stuff.
I like this song, but the Close just doesn’t fit, in my opinion, you could do something more with it.
And when you sing the last chorus, consider making it longer like…you know, hold out notes. Pretty much your standard rock writing technique, most energetic chorus is the last.
Not quite sure what Flo-town is, though.

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August 16, 2006

by LmanofMGS3

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21	M	Brockport, NY	November 04

haha, flo-town is the nickname of the town i used to live in.  nothing special :-p
thanks for the review!

August 17, 2006

by azrael

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22	M	San Diego, CA	January 02

Oh, okay. I figured as much.  You should have a special hand gesture for it, you know like for Atlanta. A Town down, and all that..jazz….no? alright.

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Hehehe I really liked this song less straight to the point then other songs and is scattered umong different thought but it comes together as a whole when you read it and understand it.I like the bridge and the chorus but the ryhmes are a bit simplistic.You could try to go for words that dont exactly completely ryhme or for a combination of words to ryhme with only one

_Andrew

Save me
Rape me
This is what makes me believe

The bridge seems out of place and almost adds an inappropriately violent tone to the song. Whereas when he mentions tearing her nightgown off can be passed off as merely sexual, the unexplained violence implicated by the word rape seems unneccessary and adds nothing to the song. It is also very sing songy, like you tried too hard to rhyme. Play with near rhyme a little bit. The story you’re telling is disjointed and doesn’t really make sense. How does the shotgun fit in? If you’re going to use less words, make sure they are descriptive enough to flesh out your piece so it doesn’t seem flat and sparse.

When i read this at first i thought there was a possibility that you may have liked it and just put it down for others to read, that it wasn’t actually by you. But then i read your comment, and i was in awe. This is really, REALLY, million times really, really, fantastic. It’s a great song and it would be cool to hear it one day…Seriously you should write songs professionally. applauding madly I’m going to go read more of your works…expect more reviews from me!!!

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July 15, 2006

by LmanofMGS3

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21	M	Brockport, NY	November 04

hey man, thats a lot!  i liked it and the first reviews were kind of discouraging.  if you want the music, check out the song ‘jamestown’ by the movielife, i had it stuck in my head and i kind of wrote it to that music.  thanks again
-Luke

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I never heard the song that inspired your writing, but on its own merit, your song rocks.  I’m feeling kinda FASTWAY.  FASTWAY is a late entry big hair band that died after three albums (talkin’ vinyl here,) formed by ex MOTOTHEAD fast Eddy Clark.  The first two FASTWAY albums showed promise, the the band changed direction.  Shame.  Your song summons up what was cool and good about FASTWAY.

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July 12, 2006

by LmanofMGS3

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21	M	Brockport, NY	November 04

hey man thanks a lot! i dont think ive ever been compared to a rock group before (especially a hair metal band), but i definetly take it as a complement!  i actually think i might have heard them before, maybe on alice cooper or dee snyders nighttime radio programs (which totally kick ass)?

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This is a great start to a song,I would love to hear it set to music I’m sure it would do well.

Sexual appetites are best explained in poetry, not song. Then again it depends on the effect you want.

i like the effort and think it’s a good practice to write with the songs that inspire us, however, we have to make sure that we maintain the integrity of originality.  i went back and listened to the song by jamestown…i’m very unfamiliar with this band but your lyrics sound familiar to this song.  the recording i heard of the jamestown song was really scratchy, so it was hard to determine…

if the lyrics are similar, that’s okay.  you’ve got the foundation for a good piece.

i would suggest working on this part:

late night
sun sets

think about which event actually occurs first…a late night is going to occur long after the sun sets…and if you’re talking about “sunsets” in the plural, than you should probably think about changing it to “late nights”

hope that makes sense…

hear me out on this…i can’t think of too many words that i would suggest altering, because i really like to use language that pushes emotions, but “rape me” is a very tough lyric.  

i know kurt cobain pulled it off, but he is also considered a “pioneer”.  not saying anything against your talent, but “rape me” is very sensitive and i would strongly suggest using something else.

don’t know if you know anyone that’s been raped before…i do…in my opinion it is the highest form of violation…

unless you were actually raped, i would change this word…

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July 05, 2006

by LmanofMGS3

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21	M	Brockport, NY	November 04

This piece isn’t entirely literal, I’d encourage you to think of some things as if I meant them metaphorically.

July 05, 2006

by JuanMoray

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i know how to read metaphorically and i think there are much better uses of metaphor than to use the word “rape”

i know i’m not alone in this, either…

i dig vulgarity for emphasis and “metaphor”, but “rape” in this case is not vulgar for impact or metaphor…to me it lacks creativity

you can do better…

July 05, 2006

by LmanofMGS3

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21	M	Brockport, NY	November 04

give me an emotional, negative, one sylable word whose meaning is similar to ‘take away or destroy by force.’ trust me, its the word i want.  think what you may, im not going to argue with you.

July 05, 2006

by JuanMoray

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cool with me…it’s not my lyric…

if i were you, i would be more creative with it, but i’m not you and you’re not me.  it’s not my work, i don’t know how you feel, what was “destroyed by force” and why you feel the emotional burden of someone that’s been “raped” so i can’t be the one that helps you get creative…

good luck with it…

if you’re not going to change the “rape” part, you should at least consider changing the “save” part…otherwise,the action of being “saved” makes the reader think you are also requesting the action of being “raped”...maybe you just want it to sound masochisitc…i don’t know…

like i said, good luck with it…keep working on it

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