Screenplay / The Girl With The Purple Helmet (2nd Half)

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – KEVIN’S BEDROOM—NIGHT
BITSY, with red painted lips and a very red dress, and carrying a basket covered in a Venetian-Red cloth, walks into the room followed by KEVIN.

KEVIN
So what is it?

BITSY unveils the contents of her basket; there is an ice bucket filled with ice, a bottle of spring water, two glasses, a bottle opener and a bottle of J. EDOUARD PERNOT ABSINTHE.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
Absinthe!?

BITSY
J. Edouard Pernot Absinthe, thank you very much.  I smuggled it back from France.  I’m so bad.

KEVIN
You haven’t changed a bit.

BITSY
Come on.  Let’s drink some.  You know you want to.

KEVIN
Still big on the peer pressure thing, huh, Bits.

BITSY
Oh please.  I never pressured anyone into doing anything they didn’t want to do.  They wouldn’t have done it if they didn’t want to do it.  So come on, lets drink it.  It’ll be fun, I promise.  Come on, don’t be a party pooper.

KEVIN
Well, I could definitely use a drink.

BITSY
Now that’s the Kevin I know and love.

She puts ice in both the glasses.

KEVIN
Bitsy.  Can I ask you a question?

BITSY
It depends.

KEVIN
What the hell are you still doing here?

She opens the spring water and pours a little into both glasses.

BITSY
What do you mean?

KEVIN
Here, in this house, in this town, living with your mother.

BITSY
You know the answer to that question Kevin.

She caps the bottle of water and grabs the bottle of absinthe.

KEVIN
Yeah, but how old are you now?  Twenty-six?  Twenty-seven?  How long are you going to let her control your life?

She takes the bottle opener in her other hand and starts to open the absinthe.

BITSY
I’m twenty-four thank you.

KEVIN
You’re not twenty-four.

She pops it open.

BITSY
Shut up Kevin.

KEVIN
I mean, you’ve got a good job, plenty of money…

She pours the absinthe into the ice water.  It clouds up quickly.

BITSY
You know my mother Kevin.

KEVIN
Yeah, and I know you and I don’t get why you keep this act up.  It’s not fair Bits.  I come home and like clockwork, your mom and my dad are trying to get us married, to each other mind you, and I’m the only one fighting them off.  Why do you leave me out there alone, hanging, every time.

BITSY
(handing him his glass)
Oh, poor Kevin.

KEVIN
Yeah poor Kevin.  I’m made out to look like some jerk who wouldn’t give you the time of day when you don’t even like me.

BITSY
I like you.

KEVIN
Yeah, but you don’t like me like me.

BITSY
Well…

KEVIN
I’d just appreciate a little support.

BITSY
Just drink.

KEVIN takes a big gulp of the absinthe.  He shudders.

BITSY (CONT’D)
Good stuff huh?

KEVIN
I guess.

BITSY
So what’s the deal with the girl with the purple helmet, Kevin?

KEVIN
She hates me.

BITSY
What?

KEVIN
I’m miserable.

BITSY
What happened?

KEVIN
I asked her to marry me and she said no.

BITSY
Well at least she’s not an idiot.

KEVIN
What’s that supposed to mean?

BITSY
Well, she hardly knows you for one.

KEVIN
So?  Don’t you believe in love at first sight?

BITSY
Well, I suppose, but not love at first sight of a helmet in place of a face.

KEVIN
Helmet Schmelmet.

BITSY
Look, count your blessings, ok. She’s obviously a nut job wearing that thing on her head all the time.  I don’t care how unattractive you are.  You don’t wear a helmet all the time.  Much as well a purple one with an eagle on it.

KEVIN
You don’t know what you’re talking about.

BITSY
And you do?

KEVIN
Whatever.  It doesn’t matter anyway.
He gulps down all the absinthe.  She takes his glass and prepares him another.

BITSY
Kev, I know you haven’t been back home for a while, but I still consider you my good friend, you know?

KEVIN
Yeah, me too Bits.

BITSY
It’s a shame you know.

KEVIN
What is?

BITSY
Well, I don’t know.  Everything that’s gone on with this girl, and you.  And our parents trying to get us together.  Maybe it’s a shame that we don’t have more between us?

KEVIN
I guess.

BITSY
Maybe they’re seeing something that we don’t, you know?

KEVIN
No, I don’t know.

BITSY
We get along great.  We’ve been friends for ever.  Maybe they’re right. Maybe we should give it a shot?

Bitsy smiles.  KEVIN nervously gulps his drink.

EXT. SMALL LITTLE HOUSE – FRONT YARD – NIGHT

NAOMI, wearing her helmet, waters the plants that line her front porch.

FLASH TO:

EXT. SMALL LITTLE HOUSE – FRONT YARD—LATE DAY
YOUNG NAOMI tends to red-orange globe mallows off to the side of the house. Her long black hair shines in the bright sun when EMI steps out of the open front door of the house to say something to her. EMI is suddenly overcome by a terrible sounding coughing attack.

YOUNG NAOMI
Are you ok?

EMI
(still coughing)
It’s nothing.  Are you almost done out here?

YOUNG NAOMI
Almost, mother.

EMI
Good. When you are done you may wash up for dinner.

YOUNG NAOMI
Yes mother.

TEENAGE BOYS drive by and begin to hoot and holler at YOUNG NAOMI.  

EMI
Come inside, Naomi.

YOUNG NAOMI
Why?

EMI
Just, come inside right now.

YOUNG NAOMI immediately stops working and heads into the house as the TEENAGE BOYS park their car across the street. EMI shuts the door behind NAOMI immediately.

YOUNG NAOMI (O.S.)
(yelling through the door)
Mother?   What’s going on?

EMI
Nothing! Go wash up. Now!

YOUNG NAOMI (O.S.)
Why were those boys yelling at me?

EMI
They weren’t yelling at you, they were yelling about something else.
THE TEENAGE BOYS get out of their car and approach THE SMALL LITTLE HOUSE.

YOUNG NAOMI (O.S.)
No, I think they were.  Why would they yell at me?

EMI
Why would they yell at you?  Exactly.

YOUNG NAOMI (O.S.)
I don’t know.  Am I…

EMI
I, I, I, me, me, me.  Since when do you think so much about yourself?  Do you want to be that kind of lady?

YOUNG NAOMI (O.S.)
No mother.

EMI
It’s nothing! Go to the bathroom and wash up for dinner! Now!

YOUNG NAOMI (O.S.)
Yes mother.

THE TEENAGE BOYS walk through the front gate and approach EMI.

EMI
What can I do for you?

TEENAGE BOY #1
We just wanted to say hi to your daughter.

EMI
She can’t come out. Please don’t come back here again.

TEENAGE BOY #1
Come on, lady.

TEENAGE BOY #2
We just want to say hi to her.

INT. SMALL LITTLE HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
YOUNG NAOMI peeks out THE WINDOW to see what is going on.

INTERCUT

EXT. SMALL LITTLE HOUSE – FRONT YARD/FRONT DOOR – CONTINUOUS
EMI is still trying to shoo the boys away as they try to get past her and into the house. TEENAGE BOY #3 & #4 look into the window YOUNG NAOMI is at. They both start freaking out.

TEENAGE BOY #3
Hey! She’s here! She’s here!

TEENAGE BOY #4
Hey! You wanna go out sometime!?

EMI
Get away from there!

YOUNG NAOMI, terrified, turns her head and quickly backs away from THE WINDOW. She immediately runs out of the living room.

TEENAGE BOY #4
Don’t go!!! I love you!

EMI pulls them away from the window by their ears.

EMI
All of you get out of here right now or I’ll call the police!

TEENAGE BOY #1
There’s no need to get hostile lady.

EMI
Get off my lawn!

THE TEENAGE BOYS rush off her lawn to their parked car, laughing.

EMI
(calling after them)

And don’t ever come back!

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – KEVIN’S BEDROOM—MORNING
BITSY and KEVIN lie in bed together.  BITSY is snuggled up to KEVIN who lies awake, eyes wide, somewhat terrified, staring at the ceiling.  BITSY opens her eyes.

BITSY
Hey.

KEVIN
Hey.

BITSY
Mmmm.
(she kisses his neck)
I should go.

KEVIN
Yeah, ok.

BITSY gets out of bed.  KEVIN lies there, uncomfortably.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE—MORNING
BITSY walks out of the FRONT DOOR when NAOMI pulls in on her bicycle.  There is a slight breeze. BITSY approaches NAOMI.

BITSY
Good morning.

NAOMI
Good morning.

BITSY
Naomi is it?

NAOMI
Yes.

BITSY
Look, I’m just going to be straight with you. Stay away from Kevin ok? We’ve kind of got something going, obviously, and I think it would be best for everyone if you just kept your distance, ok?

NAOMI
Ok.

BITSY
You know how complicated these things can get and I’m sure your job is important to you, so if you want to keep it, if I were you, I’d stay away from him.

NAOMI
Yes miss.

BITSY
Just a word of advice.  Us girls have got to stick together.

NAOMI
Yes miss.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – KEVIN’S BALCONY – MORNING
KEVIN hides, out of sight, on his balcony watching the exchange between NAOMI and BITSY.  BITSY walks off. He looks even more terrified than before.  

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – KEVIN’S BEDROOM – MORNING
He frantically paces around his room. He looks frantically for his cell phone.  He finds it.  He dials.

INTERCUT

INT. THE ITZAL HOUSE – LIVING ROOM—MOMENTS LATER
BITSY walks into the house as she answers her cell phone.

BITSY
Hello?

KEVIN
Bitsy!?

BITSY
Kevin?

KEVIN
What did you say to Naomi?

BITSY
What?

KEVIN
What did you say to Naomi?  I saw you talking to her out the window when you left.

BITSY
What does it matter anyway Kevin?

KEVIN
What did you say to her!?

BITSY
Nothing, I said good morning, have a nice day, don’t work too hard, the usual cordialities.

KEVIN
I don’t know what happened last night Bits, but that stuff is evil or something.  I’m so sorry.

BITSY
You don’t have to apologize Kevin.

KEVIN
I do.  We’ve been friends for so long and I don’t want to ruin it because of some wasted mistake.

BITSY
Whatever Kevin.  You know me.

KEVIN
I know, but I thought…

BITSY
There’s nothing to worry about.  Seriously Kevin.

KEVIN
You’re the best Bits.

BITSY
I know.

She hangs up.  She walks into Crystal’s room.

CRYSTAL
I’m assuming it went well.

BITSY
Not so good.  Sorry mother.

Crystal looks very dissatisfied.

CRYSTAL
That’s not what I wanted to hear.

BITSY
It’s not like I like him either, ok? He’s kind of a pussy.

CRYSTAL
I don’t care if you like him and I don’t care if he is… what you said.  Kevin Christner is the only available bachelor from a good family within a twenty mile radius darling.

BITSY
I could leave this godforsaken town.

CRYSTAL
Don’t be ridiculous.  You have too many responsibilities here.  Kevin is perfect.  His family’s property is right next to ours and his mother, however deranged she may be, is a pillar of the community.  His obsession with this girl is social suicide for the entire family and you know when that little gardener finds out about his little crush she’ll jump at the chance to…

BITSY
He proposed and she said no.

CRYSTAL
What?

BITSY
He proposed and she refused.

CRYSTAL
And you still couldn’t…  How you’re my daughter I will never know.  It looks like allowing you to handle this on your own was a mistake. We’ll let it stew for a couple of hours. I have a facial appointment in twenty minutes.

She rises and heads out of the room. BITSY rolls her eyes, turns and walks off.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE – DAY
NAOMI plants seeds in the ground when WILEY approaches.

WILEY
Hey.

NAOMI looks up at him and immediately continues working.

WILEY
Look, I know I’ve always given you kind of a hard time, but Kevin is like my brother, and for whatever insane reason, he seems to really like you, Like, enough not to care what you look like under there, and even though you’re seriously playing hard to get, which I dig, I think you like him just as much as he likes you…

NAOMI immediately rises, leaving what she is doing, and hurriedly walks away. WILEY, somewhat surprised at her reaction, immediately starts to follow.

WILEY
You do! You like him! Stop! Stop running away, please.

He runs past her and cuts her off. She tries to dodge him, but he won’t let her pass.

WILEY
Look, if this is about his parents, they’ll get over it.

She stops for a moment.

WILEY
All you gotta do is take the helmet off.

She immediately continues to try and get past him but he keeps stepping in front of her.

WILEY
Look, if you had some kind of accident or something, or if it’s a cleft lip thing, or even a facial hair thing, these people have a lot of money! Plastic surgeons can do wonders now a days!

She shoves him out of the way and storms past him.

WILEY
(calling after her)
Why!? Why won’t you take it off!!!?

CLOSE ON NAOMI AS SHE STORMS OFF

INT. SMALL LITTLE HOUSE – BEDROOM—NIGHT
EMI, now with a little gray hair around her temples, is lying in bed, coughing, weak and dying.  NAOMI cries with her head on her mothers chest. EMI strokes her hair as she speaks quietly.

EMI
Naomi, you are going to be alone in the world now.  I will not be here to take care of you so you must take care of yourself.

NAOMI cries harder.

EMI (CONT’D)
Don’t be sad for me.  I’m going to see your father again. Love and a cough cannot be hidden.
(she coughs)
Now you need to listen to me Naomi.  You must make me a promise.  Will you?

NAOMI
Anything.

EMI
First, you must have a job so you can support yourself.   There is that large estate over the hill and the quality of their landscaping has diminished significantly over the past year.  
(she coughs)
I made a phone call for you.  You will start at two hundred dollars a week.  You will not need that much money to live, but you will need some. Always do your work diligently and well until it is done.  
(she coughs)
Do not allow anything to stray you from doing your work commendably and efficiently.  If you do this, you will keep your job and that should be of high priority to you. Do not forget that.

NAOMI
Yes mother.

EMI
You must obey the customs of the place where you are, but still always be the lady I’ve raised you to be. Now this is the most important thing.  I need you to promise me you will do just as I say.  Promise me.

NAOMI
I promise.

EMI
Go into the other room and get the purple helmet with the eagle on it from the top shelf of the closet and put it on and come back here to me.

NAOMI rises and exits the room.  EMI wheezes and coughs weakly.  NAOMI re-enters the room wearing the purple helmet.

EMI (CONT’D)
You must never take it off in public.  You must never let anyone see your face or hair.  You must always wear this helmet and if anyone asks you to take it off you must refuse.  You may only remove in complete and absolute privacy.  Promise me you will always wear the helmet and never allow anyone to see your face or hair.  Promise me, Naomi.

NAOMI
I promise, mother.  I promise.

EMI, seeing her daughter safe, passes away.  NAOMI stands there crying in the purple helmet.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE—AFTERNOON
NAOMI works in a patch of flowers. THE WIND picks up when CRYSTAL approaches.

CRYSTAL
Hi there!

NAOMI is startled by Crystal.

CRYSTAL (CONT’D)
Listen.  I came by to have a little talk with you.  In case you didn’t realize, my daughter and Kevin have been involved since they were children.  It’s always sort of been understood that they’d be together.  And now they are and you come along and suddenly the entire family is being torn apart.  Look, I understand you need a job.  So I’m happy to let you work for me until we can find you a more suitable situation.  But Mrs. Christner is in a very sensitive state as you well know and the damage your presence is causing to this family is irreparable.

NAOMI
I didn’t know…

CRYSTAL
Well now you do.

NAOMI
I’m so sorry miss.  I will go and speak to Mr. Christner right away.

CRYSTAL
I know this isn’t your fault dear.  We all do.  And I wouldn’t want you to be out of work so, just come by my place in the morning, around elevenish. Bye sweetie!

She leaves in a hurry.  NAOMI stands there dumbfounded for a moment then immediately heads toward the house.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – DEN—MOMENTS LATER
DANIEL is sitting behind his desk playing with two stone paperweights shaped like elephants when there is a knock at the door. He immediately stops playing and sets down the elephant paperweights in their place on his desk.

DANIEL
Come in!

NAOMI enters.

DANIEL (CONT’D)
Naomi, what can I do for you?

NAOMI
I’m sorry to disturb you Mr. Christner, but I need to speak with you about my place here.

DANIEL
What’s on your mind?

NAOMI
Well, I’ve recently become aware that I have somehow began to cause problems for you and your family and that is the last thing I would want to do.

DANIEL
It’s nothing that is real cause for concern at this point.  I apologize for my son.  He’s a little, romantic in a strange sort of a way, I suppose.  If he’s making you uncomfortable…

NAOMI
No!  I mean, no.  He’s very nice.  But I know I am causing you and your wife distress and I think I should leave.

DANIEL
Listen, Kevin will get over this.  There is no need for you to quit.

NAOMI
I don’t know sir.  Mrs. Itzal told me that…

DANIEL
Mrs. Itzal didn’t get enough money in her divorce settlement so she’s trying to get her daughter married off to our son.  You need not concern yourself with anything Mrs. Itzal tells you.  I am extremely happy with your work.  Please stay on with us.

NAOMI
I didn’t realize. Yes.  Thank you sir.  Thank you.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – FOYER—MOMENTS LATER
NAOMI heads out of the house when she sees a large rosy cross on wheels sitting in the middle of the foyer. She pushes it to the side when KEVIN runs over to her.

KEVIN
Naomi!  Naomi can I talk to you for a second?

NAOMI stops and turns toward him.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
Look, I know you saw Bitsy leave here this morning, and I don’t know what she said to you, but I’m sorry.  I don’t want to lie to you and say that nothing happened.  Ok. But I want you to know that I know that it was a huge mistake.  I wasn’t thinking straight. Literally.
(he takes her hand)
Please Naomi, please forgive me.

NAOMI looks at his hand holding hers.

CLOSE ON THEIR CLASPED HANDS

NAOMI looks up at him.

NAOMI
You do not have to apologize to me.  But I will forgive you if you wish.

KEVIN
Really?

NAOMI
Really.

He grabs her and embraces her.  She is startled.  At first, she allows herself to hug him back and melts a little for a moment. But she quickly catches herself and immediately breaks free.  She suddenly runs off with a nervous urgency, tripping over herself on her way out.  KEVIN watches after her.  He smiles.

KEVIN
She likes me.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – KITCHEN—AFTERNOON
KEVIN skips and dances through the kitchen as ADINA has trouble dealing with THREE LIVE LOBSTERS, trying to prepare dinner.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – GUEST ROOM—NIGHT
NAOMI finishes organizing all of Adina’s Religious Statues and paraphernalia impeccably.  KEVIN enters with a knock.

KEVIN
Hey I…
(looking around)
Whoa… Um, hey are you busy?

NAOMI
I just finished.

KEVIN
Do you think you could help me with something?

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – HALLWAY—NIGHT
KEVIN and NAOMI lug a cardboard box full of telescopes to his room.

KEVIN
I’m sorry to make you do this…

NAOMI
It’s my job.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – KEVIN’S BEDROOM—NIGHT
NAOMI and KEVIN put the box down.  NAOMI turns to go.

KEVIN
Wait don’t go yet.  Can you help me set this up?

KEVIN grabs a telescope out of the box.

NAOMI
Ok.

He steps out onto the balcony.  She follows.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – KEVIN’S BALCONY—NIGHT
KEVIN begins to set up the telescope when NAOMI walks over.

KEVIN
Just hold that in place there for a second… Perfect.  Thanks.  It’s a nice night out isn’t it?

NAOMI nods.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
I love nights like this.  The sky is so clear you can see so many stars with the naked eye.  I’ve been living in a city for so long now, all the lights from the city blot out the stars.  You’re lucky if you can see one or two. I mean, I get to see stars all the time, but hardly ever with the naked eye. It’s usually on a computer screen.

NAOMI looks up at all the stars in the sky.  She notices one in particular.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
Which one are you looking at?

She points.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
That’s not really a star.  It’s a galaxy.  The closest galaxy to ours, actually.  Andromeda.  It was named after this Ethiopian princess.  The story is that her mother, Cassiopeia, that star just north of her there, would boast about her daughter’s beauty to everyone, saying she was more beautiful than even the sea-nymphs.  So Poseidon, the god of the sea, sent a sea-monster to decimate the country unless they promised to give Andromeda up to him, which they did, and she was to spend eternity chained to a rock.  But then, Perseus, the son of Zeus, found her, killed the monster and took her back home where he married her.  And when she died, she was placed amongst the stars.  Right there.

NAOMI looks at KEVIN.  He smiles at her.  

The wind blows and NAOMI shudders slightly from the cold.  KEVIN puts his arm around her to keep her warm.  

She looks up at him and immediately breaks away and heads inside.

NAOMI
I have to go.

She goes to the balcony door but can’t get it open.  She struggles with the door and as she pulls on it, her grip slips and she falls back.

KEVIN
Naomi!

She pops right back up.

NAOMI
I’m ok. I’m ok.

KEVIN
You just gotta jiggle it a little.

NAOMI jiggles the door and it opens.  Kevin follows as she steps into his room.  She trips slightly as she steps down and KEVIN catches her.  She looks up at him and he smiles at her.  She rushes into the room.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – KEVIN’S BEDROOM—CONTINUOUS
NAOMI rushes to THE DOOR, opens it, walks through and closes the door behind her.  KEVIN walks over to the door and opens it.  He reaches in and pulls a chain that hangs from the ceiling. The lights turn on; it’s A CLOSET.  NAOMI stands under the light, and as it turns on, boxes and clothing fall from the shelves above onto NAOMI.  She steps out of the closet past KEVIN.

KEVIN
Are you ok?!

She nods yes. She backs away from him and trips over the box of telescopes on the floor, falling backwards onto the bed behind her. She bounces, flipping over into a backwards somersault. She lands on the floor on the opposite side of the bed and immediately pops right back up to her feet.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
(rushing over)
Oh my god!

She passes Kevin and heads straight for the door and opens it.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
Are you sure you’re ok?

She nods yes and turns to leave and slams her helmeted head on the door jamb in the process.  Kevin winces.  She turns and looks at him, shrugs her shoulders, knocks on her helmet and leaves the room.  Kevin chuckles as he watches her go.

INT. SMALL LITTLE HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
NAOMI lies in bed sleeping.

CLOSE ON THE BACK OF NAOMI’S UNHELMETED HEAD

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE—NIGHT
THE MOON is large and full in the dark sky.  NAOMI, wearing her helmet and a sheer pinkish-brown night gown, walks through a series of tall trees.  She sees A FISH sitting smoking Opium out of a hookah.

NAOMI keeps walking when a bright violet light comes toward her.  As the light gets closer, it grows, eventually becoming her mother, EMI, dressed in all black, surrounded by a cylinder of violet and lilac colored light. NAOMI sees her and runs to her.  She embraces her mother amidst the purple light.

NAOMI
Mother!  I’ve missed you so much.

EMI
I know.  Naomi, you must listen to me well.  That young man who asked you to marry him…

NAOMI
I’m sorry mother.  I know I am never supposed to think of myself, and I’ve tried, but I can’t help it.  From the moment I saw him mother.  I’ve never felt this way before.  I don’t understand what this is.  But I’ve done as you said.  I would never want to upset his family and I just do my work well.  I’ve done just as you said.

EMI
I know my dear.  You have always been a good girl.  If he loves you, he will ask you for your hand in marriage again, and when he does, you may accept his offer.

NAOMI
Really mother!?

EMI
Yes, but you must not take off your helmet until your wedding day.  Once you are married to him, you will be safe.  Do you promise me those things?

NAOMI
Yes mother.  I promise.  I promise.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE—AFTERNOON
The Sun beams.  NAOMI works in a bed of red poppies that glow orange-scarlet in the hot, bright sun.  KEVIN approaches.

KEVIN
Hi.

NAOMI
Hi.

KEVIN
Hot day huh?

NAOMI nods yes.

NAOMI
I had a very nice time with you last night.

KEVIN
You did?

She nods yes.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
I know this didn’t go so well the first few times, but I thought I’d give it another shot.

He reaches into his pocket to pull out a ring.

BITSY (O.S.)
(calling out)
Kevin!

KEVIN turns his head and sees BITSY calling to them from off in the distance; she is all done up, wearing her scarlet red lipstick and a designer vermilion colored dress and shoes with a matching designer handbag.

KEVIN
(calling to her)
Hi Bitsy!

ACROSS THE LAWN

BITSY starts to rush over with a big smile on her face; she has a big green-black thing stuck in her teeth.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
(to Naomi)
Can we pick this up later?
(she nods yes)
You get off around six?
(she nods yes)
Meet you back here at six.

BITSY finally gets there, a little winded from hurrying across grass in her designer red shoes.

BITSY
Hey!  What are you guys up to?

KEVIN
Oh nothing.  I was just heading out actually.  Errands.  See you later!

KEVIN takes off.  BITSY stands there for a moment then rolls her eyes.  She turns to NAOMI.

BITSY
Is Wiley around?

NAOMI points toward WILEY’S GUEST HOUSE.

BITSY (CONT’D)
Thanks.

BITSY walks toward WILEY’S GUEST HOUSE.  NAOMI continues her work.

EXT. WILEY’S GUEST HOUSE—CONTINUOUS
BITSY stands on his doorstep.  She knocks on the door.  She waits for a moment, rolls her eyes and knocks again. WILEY opens the door.  

BITSY
Took you long enough.

WILEY
What do you want?

BITSY
What’s your problem?

WILEY
You got a little something in your teeth.  Right there.
Immediately embarrassed, she picks the green-black thing out of her teeth.

BITSY
Whatever.  I need a favor.
He opens the door for her to come in.  She steps past him and he smacks her ass hard as she walks in.  She turns back and shoots him a naughty smile as he closes the door behind her.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE—LATE DAY
NAOMI stands by the poppies, waiting for KEVIN, when he approaches.

KEVIN
Hi.

NAOMI
Hi.

BITSY, a little more disheveled than before, leaves WILEY’S GUEST HOUSE.  KEVIN notices, takes NAOMI’s hand and they immediately run off out of sight.

KEVIN
Come on.

They run down a PATH and through an opening between two tall hedges.  They manage to get away from BITSY unnoticed.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE – SECRET GARDEN—CONTINUOUS
The golden light of the SUN shines through the trees. The garden is filled with various beautiful pink flowers with a beautiful fountain at the center.  KEVIN and NAOMI rush in.

KEVIN
That was close.

She nods.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
(looking around)
Wow, did you do this?

She nods.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
Wow.  It’s really beautiful.

NAOMI
Thank you.

KEVIN
Naomi…

He leads he over to THE FOUNTAIN and they both sit on the edge.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
I know we are just getting to know each other, and I know I may have jumped the gun before, but I just can’t help myself. And I don’t want to.  I just, I know what I want.  I know you’re the girl for me.  And I promise you wouldn’t have to worry about anything ever again if I could help it.  I would take care of you.  If you wanted me to.  I just, I know I may be crazy or whatever, but I love you.  I really do.  I love you.  And I can only have faith that if I could feel this way about you, that maybe, just maybe, you would feel something similar for me.  So, in hopes that you do, love me too that is, or maybe think you could someday, soon, I thought I’d maybe ask you again.  To marry me that is.  So, um…

He takes out a small box from his pocket and opens it. He gets down on one knee displaying a beautiful diamond engagement ring.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
Naomi, will you marry me?

NAOMI
(she nods)
Yes.

KEVIN
(jumping up)
Yes!?  Did you say yes!?  You said yes!?

NAOMI rises.

NAOMI
(she nods)
Yes.

He puts the ring on her finger then immediately embraces her.  She wraps her arms around him with the utmost enthusiasm.  He holds her for a long moment, then leans back and looks at her.  She looks up at him.  He kisses her helmet.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – HALLWAY / DEN—EVENING
WILEY stands in the HALLWAY and knocks on the door of the DEN as he opens it.  ADINA and DANIEL are there.  There is a LIFE SIZED STATUE OF ST. FRANCIS standing beside ADINA.

WILEY
I was wondering if I could speak with you two.

ADINA
Of course!

DANIEL
Of course, Wiley, come in.

He enters and closes the door behind him.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE—LATE DAY
NAOMI and KEVIN embrace.  She hands him a yellow rose with a bright emerald green stem, gets on her bicycle and rides off.  He waves as she rides away.  When she is out of sight, he smells the rose and then runs into the house.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – FOYER—CONTINUOUS
The foyer is has many beautiful vases filled with fresh red geraniums.  KEVIN runs in through the front door with the yellow rose in his hand.

KEVIN
She said yes!!!

He looks around and no one is there.  He runs to the DEN.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – HALLWAY / DEN—CONTINUOUS
KEVIN runs to the door of the DEN and opens it.  He sees WILEY being pat on the back by DANIEL.  ADINA stands beside him.

KEVIN
She said yes!

He turns and dances off, smelling the rose.

ADINA
Who?  Who!?  Who said yes?  Who?  Who?

Daniel rushes after him.

WILEY
Said yes to what?

ADINA
(to Wiley)
What is he talking about?!

They both head out of the room

ADINA (CONT’D)
Oh, Wiley, don’t forget St. Francis.

WILEY
Yes, of course.

She heads out and WILEY grabs the statue.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – KITCHEN—CONTINUOUS
KEVIN pops champagne as DANIEL enters.  ADINA follows immediately after him.

DANIEL
What’s going on son?

KEVIN
She said yes!?

ADINA
Who?  Who said yes?

KEVIN pours champagne into four glasses.

KEVIN
Naomi.  She said yes.

WILEY enters with the STATUE OF ST. FRANCIS.

WILEY
Said yes to what?

KEVIN
We’re getting married.

He drinks.

ADINA
To who?

DANIEL
Each other, dear.

ADINA
What?

KEVIN
Just be happy for me guys.  I’m in love with the most perfect girl in the world and she’s going to marry me!

WILEY
Perfect?

ADINA
She wears a helmet.

KEVIN
I don’t care.

DANIEL
Well, will she ever take it off?

KEVIN
I don’t know.  And I don’t care.

He heads out of the room with the bottle of champagne.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
(walking away)
We’re getting married right away.  There’s lots of work to do!

He walks out of the room.

ADINA
I think it’s time to fire her dear.

WILEY
Look, I know it’s none of my business, but, I love you guys, you’ve done so much for me.  So much.  And now I’m going to do something for you.  Yes, Naomi is strange, but she’s nice. Never really liked me all that much but that’s neither here nor there.  She’s a nice girl and Kevin, for whatever reason, seems to really love her.  And you know how Kevin is.  He’s going to do whatever he wants to do and if you don’t like it, well, he’s just gonna do it anyway.

ADINA
That’s true.

WILEY
So you should just accept it. Accept it and accept her.  Because if you don’t, all those threats to never come back may suddenly not be so empty anymore.

DANIEL
What are we going to do without you Wiley?

WILEY
You’ll never have to do without me.

DANIEL hugs WILEY.

WILEY (CONT’D)
I guess there are congratulations due all around.

DANIEL
Yes!  A celebration is in order!

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – KEVIN’S BEDROOM—MOMENTS LATER
DANIEL, WILEY and ADINA burst into the room cheering.  KEVIN is startled.

WILEY
Kevin!

DANIEL
Son

ADINA
My baby.

KEVIN
That was fast.

WILEY
I got you covered.

DANIEL
More champagne!

ADINA
More champagne!

EXT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE—DAY

THE SUN BLAZES IN THE SKY

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – FOYER—DAY
NAOMI walks into the house.  KEVIN is there with ADINA, accompanied by JESUS ON WHEELS who Adina pulls along with her by a rope.

ADINA
Naomi!  I am so happy for you!
(she embraces her)
Congratulations and welcome to the family.

NAOMI
Thank you madam.

ADINA
Please, call me Adina, dear.

KEVIN
Hi.

NAOMI
Hi.

ADINA
Now there is a lot to do.  I hope you don’t mind but I took the liberty of making some phone calls on your behalf.  Leona  Come and meet Naomi!

LEONA (20’s-50’s; pretty; type-A personality; top-notch wedding planner) and BRIT (20’s-30’s; pretty; sweet; enthusiastic with a nervous quality) rush into the room with big smiles on their faces.

BRIT
Nice to meet you.

LEONA
Yeah, real great to meet you.  There’s a lot to do so we better get started.  Shall we?

She motions to the living room.  They all head into the LIVING ROOM.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – LIVING ROOM—DAY
THE SUN shines brightly through the windows.  KEVIN and NAOMI are surrounded by ADINA and her LIFE SIZED JESUS STATUE ON WHEELS, LEONA, BRIT and tons of samples of every wedding thing you could possibly imagine.

LEONA
So we got the invitations, we’ve got the place settings, center pieces?

BRIT fumbles to present numerous books at once

BRIT
How about…

BITSY walks past THE WINDOW unnoticed

ADINA
Ooh!  I like that?  What do you think Naomi?
(Naomi Nods yes)
That’s the one.

LEONA
(taking notes)
Perfect!  Now, caterers!  We have this fabulous company we use…

CLOSE ON KEVIN DAY DREAMING

THE SUN intensifies, filling the room.

EXT. SUNFLOWER FIELD – DAY
THE SUN beams.  NAOMI and KEVIN embrace in a field of SUNFLOWERS.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – LIVING ROOM—DAY
KEVIN snaps out of it.  ADINA, BRIT and LEONA all examine NAOMI.

LEONA
Are you going to take the helmet off for the wedding?

NAOMI
Yes miss.

ADINA
You are!?

NAOMI
Yes.

KEVIN
You are?

She nods.

ADINA
Well, isn’t that wonderful!

LEONA
God, yes!  Moving on!  The cake!

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE – WILEY’S GUEST HOUSE—DAY
BITSY stands at the door wearing an orange dress when WILEY opens it.

WILEY
Hey baby.

BITSY
So?

WILEY
It’s all in the works as we speak.

She smiles.

WILEY (CONT’D)
Get in here.

He pulls her inside and closes the door behind her.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – DAY
CRYSTAL sneaks around outside the house.  She peaks in through THE LIVING ROOM WINDOW and sees NAOMI, ADINA, KEVIN and the two wedding planners, LEONA and BRIT, amidst massive amounts of wedding paraphernalia.  CRYSTAL shudders with disgust then sneaks past the window.
CRYSTAL tip-toe’s around the house, snooping, looking into each window she passes.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE – BACK LAWN—DAY
CRYSTAL continues to snoop, looking into each window she passes.  
She sneakily hurries across the lawn toward THE GUEST HOUSE.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE – WILEY’S GUEST HOUSE—LATE DAY
CRYSTAL peaks in THROUGH A SIDE WINDOW and sees BITSY and WILEY engaged in a very unconventional, sexually compromising situation. CRYSTAL screams and bangs on the window in rage.

CRYSTAL
(banging on the window)
No!!!!!!!  Stop that!!!  Get away from my daughter you disgusting!!!!

BITSY and WILEY see her and immediately stop what they are doing and scramble to cover up.  CRYSTAL rushes around to the front of the guest house.

EXT. WILEY’S GUEST HOUSE – FRONT DOOR – CONTINUOUS
She bangs on the door profusely when WILEY opens it, half dressed. CRYSTAL pushes her way inside.

INT. WILEY’S GUEST HOUSE—CONTINUOUS

CRYSTAL
What the hell do you think you’re doing young lady!?

BITSY
It’s my life and I can do what I want!

CRYSTAL
No you can’t!  No you can’t!  Not with this, this, pig, this foolish, stupid, disgusting, poor person!

WILEY
Hey!

BITSY
I don’t care what you say!  I love him!

CRYSTAL
No you don’t!!!

BITSY
I do! I love him!  And I’m moving out and we’re moving in together!

CRYSTAL
(laughing)
Oh, you’re going to live in the stable boy’s guest house on your should be fiancé’s property?  I don’t think even you could stand that kind of humiliation.

BITSY
The only person who thinks Kevin should be my fiance is you. No one else. Not me and not Kevin. Only you.

CRYSTAL
Well I’m the only one with any sense.

WILEY
No, you’re just selfish. Very, very selfish.

CRYSTAL
Excuse me?

WILEY
You make your daughter live where you want her to live, dress how you want her to dress and act how you want her to act. But what you’re forgetting is that no one can choose who they love much as well choose who someone else loves.

CRYSTAL
Who’s talking about love!? I’m talking about marriage you idiot! It’s a union that should not be entered into lightly young man and I’ll be damned if you and my daughter unify in any way ever again!

BITSY
But there’s nothing you can do about that Mother. We’re in love.

CRYSTAL
No you are not! You are not in love with a poor person!

WILEY
No she’s not.

CRYSTAL
I hate to break it to you son, but six hundred dollars a week for shucking horse shoes all day is hardly a justifiable wage.

WILEY
Not that it matters to my little tiger muffin here, but I make six figures a year on my stock dividends alone. Mr. Christner has been running my money along with his since I was seventeen years old. I’m not as stupid as you thought I was am I?

CRYSTAL
So you just keep this stable job as a hobby? Yeah right!
(grabbing Bitsy)
You’re coming with me this instant.  This nonsense is over.

WILEY
Free rent and free food, lady. Ain’t nothing wrong with that.

CRYSTAL pulls BITSY out of the house.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE – WILEY’S GUEST HOUSE—LATE DAY
CRYSTAL drags BITSY across the lawn.  WILEY watches after them.

CRYSTAL
You stay away from my daughter!

WILEY
Don’t you let her get to you baby girl! You know I love you!

EXT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE—CONTINUOUS
ADINA and NAOMI see LEONA and BRIT to their car.  The two wedding planners carry their tons of samples and load them into their car as they say goodbye. A STATUE OF JESUS ON WHEELS stands beside ADINA.

LEONA
So were set for the tenth!  We’ll meet again tomorrow and finalize.

ADINA
Wonderful.  Goodbye Leona!

BRIT and LEONA get into their car and drive off as CRYSTAL drags BITSY across the lawn.

ADINA (CONT’D)
Hello Mrs. Itzal, Bitsy.  How are you doing today?

CRYSTAL
Not good, Mrs., Christner.  Not good at all!

ADINA
I’m sorry?

CRYSTAL
If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of son have you raised?

ADINA
Oh, I can’t take credit for something as grand as raising the sun.
(pointing to her Jesus)
That’s him.

CRYSTAL
Oh, just stop the shenanigans, will you?! Your son, Kevin, goes and sleeps with my daughter and then gets engaged to another… person and you think you’ve done a good job as a mother!? My lord!  How could you let your son marry that!?  A psychotic!

ADINA
She is not a psychotic, she is a nice young lady with impeccable manners which is more than I can say for you at the moment.

CRYSTAL
This little demimonde has ruined all our lives!  All our lives! Just who do you think you are little girl?  You think you can just come here and steal my daughters boyfriend and suffer no repercussions!?

BITSY
He was never my boyfriend!  I’ve never loved Kevin!  I love Wiley and I don’t care what you say!  We’re in love and I’m moving out tonight!

CRYSTAL
Quiet!!!  You shut your dirty mouth do you hear me!

ADINA
Now let’s everyone just relax…

CRYSTAL
(turning to Naomi)
You!  You’re the reason for this!!!

CRYSTAL lunges at NAOMI, grabbing her by the helmet, struggling to rip it off her head.

CRYSTAL (CONT’D)
I’ll teach you to screw with Crystal Itzal!!!!!
BITSY grabs her mother and pulls her off of NAOMI.

BITSY
Mother  No  Enough

CRYSTAL, being held back by BITSY, struggles to get at NAOMI.

ADINA
Well I never!  Such behavior from a member of the D.A.R.!

CRYSTAL
Oh get off your high horse you crack pot!

BITSY
We’re going home!  Now Mother!  Go home!
(to Adina and Naomi)
I’m so, so sorry.  I really am.  I’m so sorry.

CRYSTAL
Well I’m not!

BITSY
Go mother!

BITSY and CRYSTAL leave.  ADINA puts her arm around NAOMI. They head into the house.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE—AFTERNOON
NAOMI and KEVIN walk hand in hand throughout the grounds when BITSY and WILEY come by riding JIMME and BLANK.

WILEY
Hey.

KEVIN
Hey.  Listen, there’s an eclipse in about ten minutes.  We were going to watch it.  You guys want to join us?

WILEY looks to BITSY who nods yes.

BITSY
Yeah.  Sure.  Thanks.

KEVIN
Meet us on the back lawn in ten.

WILEY
Great.  Come on.

BITSY and WILEY turn around on their horses and gallop off toward the stables.  KEVIN and NAOMI walk on.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE – BACK LAWN—AFTERNOON
KEVIN, WILEY and BITSY all wear protective glasses and watch as the sun begins to eclipse with the moon.  NAOMI stands beside KEVIN, wearing her purple helmet and a pair of protective glasses over the visor.  They all stare up at the SUN as it ECLIPSES with the MOON.

KEVIN
There it goes.

BITSY
Naomi?

NAOMI turns to BITSY.

BITSY (CONT’D)
I just wanted to apologize to you.  For everything.  For my mother’s behavior.  For my own.  There’s never been anything between Kevin and I and I’m so sorry if I ever made you think otherwise.  I guess I was sort of hoping, maybe we could be friends.  I mean I certainly don’t have that many…

NAOMI hugs BITSY in forgiveness.  BITSY smiles.

WILEY
Babe…

BITSY looks up at the sky.  NAOMI follows suit.  KEVIN puts his arm around NAOMI and pulls her close to him.

CLOSE ON THE ECLIPSE

EXT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE—NIGHT
CRYSTAL dressed in all black, sneaks around the dark house, looking into THE WINDOWS.

She walks around the side of the house, looking through windows, when she comes to a TRELLIS and starts to climb it.

She climbs the TRELLIS and makes her way onto THE ROOF OF THE BACK PORCH. She tip toes across the roof top, looking into the bedroom windows she passes. She comes to the next window and peers inside.

GUEST ROOM WINDOW

CRYSTAL sees the back of NAOMI’s bare head as she sleeps.  CRYSTAL hurriedly tip toes over to the GUEST BATHROOM WINDOW and opens it.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – GUEST BATHROOM—NIGHT
CRYSTAL climbs in through the window.  It is a struggle, but she manages not to make any noise.  She tiptoes into the GUEST BEDROOM where NAOMI sleeps.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – GUEST BEDROOM—NIGHT
CRYSTAL tip toes into the room and looks around.  She spots the HELMET.  She walks over to the HELMET and pulls out a BOTTLE OF CRAZY GLUE. She begins to line the inside of the helmet with crazy glue as THE SUN begins to rise. CRYSTAL empties the entire bottle into the helmet then sneaks back into the bathroom.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – BACK PORCH ROOF TOP—DAWN
The sun rises as CRYSTAL climbs out of the GUEST BATHROOM WINDOW and hurriedly tip toes over to the trellis.  As she climbs down, A STRONG GUST OF WIND blows and she loses her grip, falling into a patch of flowers.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE—MORNING
There is a strong, brisk breeze.  The entire estate is being decorated and set up for a grand wedding celebration.  STAFF hurries around throughout the estate, in and out of the house, carrying flower arrangements, tables, chairs, a very large and elaborate wedding cake, food, etc. LEONA and BRIT follow the wedding cake into the house.

LEONA
Be careful with that cake people!

BRIT
Straight to the dining room ok?

LEONA
Don’t ask honey, tell them.  Straight to the dining room!

BRIT
Sorry Leona.

EXT. CHURCH – SIDE DOOR—MORNING
CRYSTAL dressed in her wedding attire, knocks on a door at the side of a church.  FATHER CURTIS (50’s-60’s; sweet, friendly, kind, bright-eyed priest with a gentle, paternal quality) answers the door.

FATHER CURTIS
Mrs. Itzal!  What brings you here?

CRYSTAL
Oh, I came by to pick you up for the Christner wedding.  Adina was hoping everyone involved would arrive a little early.

FATHER CURTIS
I thought she was sending a car for me.

CRYSTAL
Well, I volunteered.

FATHER CURTIS
Uh, ok. I’ll just grab my things.  One moment please…

CRYSTAL
I’ll be waiting!

INT. CRYSTAL’S CAR – MORNING
CRYSTAL drives with FATHER CURTIS in the passengers seat.

CRYSTAL
I just love weddings don’t you?

CRYSTAL turns the wheel.

FATHER CURTIS
Yes I do.  Uh, shouldn’t you have taken that turn there?

CRYSTAL
Oh, I know a short cut.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – GUEST BEDROOM—MORNING
NAOMI steps out of the bathroom in her bathrobe.  She puts on her helmet and walks to the door. She opens the door to leave the room when ADINA and BITSY come in.

ADINA
No!  You can’t leave this room!  Kevin’s just outside and it’s bad luck for the bride to see the groom before the wedding.

BITSY
There’s lots to do.  We’ve got to get you ready.

ADINA
Yes!

BITSY
I thought I could help with your hair and makeup.  If you’ll let me.

NAOMI nods yes.

ADINA
Oh!  Your dress!

ADINA rushes to the closet and opens it.  She brings out the most beautiful wedding dress imaginable.  She presents it to NAOMI.

INT. CRYSTAL’S CAR – MORNING
CRYSTAL drives down a DESERTED HIGHWAY with FATHER CURTIS in the passenger seat.

CRYSTAL
Oh no.  I think I may have a flat.

FATHER CURTIS
Really?

CRYSTAL
Yes.  The back right tire.  Do you hear that?

FATHER CURTIS
Uh… I’m not sure.

CRYSTAL
(pulling over)
I’m sorry, could you just check for me.

FATHER CURTIS
Certainly.

FATHER CURTIS unbuckles his seat belt and gets out of the car.

EXT. DESERTED HIGHWAY – MORNING
FATHER CURTIS closes the car door and steps around to the back of CRYSTAL’S CAR. He leans over to look at the tire when she immediately speeds off, leaving FATHER CURTIS behind.

CLOSE ON FATHER CURTIS

After standing there dumbfounded for a moment, he looks up to the sky, shrugs his shoulders and starts walking.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – GUEST BEDROOM—MORNING
NAOMI wears the beautiful wedding dress and the purple helmet.  BITSY and ADINA look at her; she is already stunning.

BITSY
Ok  Time to take off the helmet!

NAOMI takes a deep breath and grabs her helmet.  She tries to lift it off her head but it’s stuck.  She pulls harder but she can’t get it off.

BITSY
What’s wrong?

NAOMI
I can’t get it off!

BITSY
What?

ADINA
She can’t get it off.

BITSY
Let me try.

BITSY approaches NAOMI, takes hold of the helmet and tries to lift it off her head.

NAOMI
Owww!!!

BITSY pulls harder.

NAOMI (CONT’D)
Ahhhh!!!!

BITSY
Just let me try one more…

She yanks hard on the helmet.

NAOMI
Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

There is suddenly BANGING AT THE DOOR

KEVIN (O.S.)
(yelling)
What’s wrong?  What’s wrong!!?  Let me in!!!

ADINA
(calling to him)
It’s bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding.

BITSY goes to the door and opens it a crack.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – GUEST ROOM/HALLWAY—CONTINUOUS
BITSY peeks out through the crack in the door at KEVIN who looks incredibly handsome in his tuxedo.

KEVIN
Let me in there!

BITSY
You know I can’t do that.

KEVIN
(calling to Naomi)
What’s wrong!?

BITSY
We can’t get her helmet off.

KEVIN
What?

BITSY
We can’t get her helmet off.

KEVIN
Why’s she screaming?

BITSY
Because we can’t get her helmet off

KEVIN
Well stop.
(calling to her)
Don’t worry!  We’ll just get married with it on.  Ok?

NAOMI (O.S.)
Ok!

KEVIN
(calling out to Naomi)
I love you!

BITSY quickly closes the door in his face.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – HALLWAY—CONTINUOUS
KEVIN immediately rushes off.

EXT. DESERTED HIGHWAY – MORNING
FATHER CURTIS walks down the completely empty highway road when a BLACK 1962 CHEVY IMPALA with blue sun-like rays painted across it and a heavy-duty hydraulic system blasting music pulls alongside him.
4 YOUNG LATINO MEN sit in the car.

YOUNG MAN 1
Eh, Padre, you need a ride?

FATHER CURTIS
Oh, uh, yes, thank you very much.

FATHER CURTIS climbs into the back seat of the car.

INT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – FOYER—CONTINUOUS
WELL DRESSED WEDDING GUESTS are scattered throughout the house, eating hors d’oeuvres and mingling.

GUEST 1
Oh yes, I heard that same thing.

GUEST 2
Well I heard she had her face slashed up, nose literally cut right off, when she was in prison, not rehab.

GUEST 3
So she was a dealer, not a user?

BRIT nervously rushes over.

BRIT
Hello, how are you doing today?

GUEST 1
Fine thank you.

BRIT
You haven’t happened to see a priest wandering around anywhere, have you?

GUEST 3
No, we haven’t.

GUEST 2
Sorry.

BRIT
Oh, that’s fine.  I mean, it’s fine.  No big deal.  

She moves away as KEVIN comes down the stairs.  He sees BRIT starting to break down amidst the GUESTS and STAFF and immediately approaches her.

BRIT (CONT’D)
I don’t know any priests.  Do you know any priests cause I don’t know any priests!

KEVIN
Brit, Brit, calm down.  What’s the matter?

BRIT
The driver just called.  The priest wasn’t there.  And he’s not here cause I asked everyone.  Everyone.  And I looked everywhere.  All the guests are arriving and he’s not here!  He’s not here!

KEVIN
He’s probably on his way now.  I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about.

BRIT
Yeah.  Nothing to worry about.  Sure.

KEVIN walks away.

BRIT (CONT’D)
No big deal.  No big deal at all.

She nervously storms off.

INT. 1962 BLACK CHEVY IMPALA—MORNING
FATHER CURTIS sits between two of the YOUNG LATINO MEN in the back seat.  They both look at FATHER CURTIS.  FATHER CURTIS looks at both of them and smiles.  They smile back.  He looks at the road ahead as the car makes a turn.

FATHER CURTIS
Oh, that isn’t the way, um, uh, the way we’re supposed to go.

YOUNG MAN 2
Don’t worry, I know a short cut.

FATHER CURTIS
Uh, oh.  Ok then.  That’s great.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE – BACK LAWN—MORNING
The lawn is set up for a beautiful ceremony.  There are beautiful garlands of flowers everywhere that rustle slightly in the breeze.  All THE GUESTS are in their seats, chatting and listening to THE STRING QUARTET that plays as they wait for the ceremony to begin.

GUEST 4
I heard she had her face just completely burned off in some refugee camp and is waiting for one of those face transplants.  

EXT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – FRONT DOOR—MORNING
A gust of wind blows through KEVIN’s hair as he paces nervously at the doorstep.

FURTHER DOWN THE DRIVEWAY

LEONA struggles with her hair blowing in the intensifying wind as she talks on her cell phone.  BRIT urgently looks out for Father Curtis.

BRIT
(looking out ardently)
This is bad.  This is so bad.

LEONA
(into phone)
Well what does that mean exactly!?....  These people are loaded they’ll pay whatever the hell you want for god’s sake… Look, I’m sure your, Church of the Golden Swan, could use a little extra cash…

EXT. DESERT MOUNTAINS—MORNING
There is A SCORPION crawling on a SHARP DESERT ROCK.  THE 1962 BLACK CHEVY IMPALA is high in the air with it’s souped up hydraulics system rising and lowering over obstacles; THE IMPALA navigates and climbs it’s way over the very rocky mountains.  IMPALA comes to a LARGE STREAM.

INT. 1962 BLACK CHEVY IMPALA—MORNING
Everyone and everything in the car shakes as the go over the jagged rocks.

FATHER CURTIS
You’re not going to drive across that are you.

YOUNG MAN 2
I done this a thousand times.

EXT. DESERT MOUNTAINS—MORNING
THE 1962 BLACK CHEVY IMPALA rises even higher in the air above its tires and begins driving across the torrent.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER HOUSE – FRONT DOOR—MORNING
The wind continues to blow while KEVIN paces nervously at the doorstep. WILEY, dressed in a tuxedo and BITSY in her bridesmaids dress step out of the house closing the door behind them.

WILEY
Kevin, what’s the deal?

DANIEL comes outside.

DANIEL
What’s the hold up?

KEVIN
Father Curtis isn’t here.

DANIEL
What!?

BITSY
I should’ve known.

LEONA hangs up the phone and approaches them.

WILEY
What?

BITSY
My mother.

KEVIN
Your mother?

BITSY
This has got her name written all over it.

LEONA
Alright, so I found a minister of The Church Of The Golden Swan that can be here in forty-five minutes…

DANIEL
Oh, we can’t have that. Your mother will be devastated. It has to be a Catholic priest.

LEONA
Well unfortunately on such short notice…

BRIT
(calling out to them)
He’s here!  He’s here!

LEONA
Oh thank god!

THE 1962 BLACK CHEVY IMPALA turns up the driveway and pulls up to the front of the house.  FATHER CURTIS climbs out of the car.

FATHER CURTIS
Thank you.  God bless you.

YOUNG MAN 2
Don’t mention it Padre.

YOUNG MAN 2 flashes FATHER CURTIS the sign of the esoteric as he backs out.
FATHER CURTIS

I had quite a morning.

LEONA
We can hear all about it later.  Come on!

LEONA pushes FATHER CURTIS into the house.  DANIEL, WILEY and KEVIN follow.  BITSY stays behind.  She looks around.  She spots movement in a bush.  She approaches it.

BITSY
I knew it!

She leans down and pulls CRYSTAL out from behind it.

BITSY (CONT’D)
Mother!?  Are you ever going to stop!?

CRYSTAL
I’m doing it for you!  Just because you’re too stupid to see it now…

BITSY
Mother, Wiley and I are getting married.  I’m in love with him.  If you’d just give him a chance you’d see…

CRYSTAL
Young lady I will not permit…

BITSY
Mother, I’m not asking for your permission, I’m telling you how it’s going to be.  I am not going to be a doll for you to dress up and make act out your fantasies anymore. You’re going to accept him and you’re going to give him a chance.

The breeze begins to intensify slowly.

CRYSTAL
He’s a Neanderthal!

BITSY
Mother, I have to go.  Are you coming to the wedding?

CRYSTAL
I’ll go, but just to be there to witness the social downfall of that self-impressed, crackbrained cadaver…

BITSY rolls her eyes, turns and heads into the house.  CRYSTAL shuts up quickly and follows.

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE – HORSE RING—DAY

CLOSE ON THE THREE WHITE HORSES, DECORATED IN FLOWERS, GRAZING

EXT. THE CHRISTNER ESTATE – BACK LAWN—DAY
The back lawn is set up for a beautiful ceremony with garlands of flowers thoughtfully placed everywhere. CRYSTAL takes a seat as the breeze continues to strengthen gradually.  The ceremony is about to begin and everyone is in their place.  KEVIN, WILEY and FATHER CURTIS stand up at the end of the aisle.  THE MUSIC BEGINS.

HAZEL (the lap dog) runs down the aisle with a ring pillow and a flower tied around her neck.  She runs over to WILEY who picks her up.
ADINA walks down the aisle pulling A STATUE OF ST. ANNE ON WHEELS.  She is followed by BITSY who takes her place opposite WILEY up at the front.
NAOMI steps out in her wedding gown and her purple helmet, accompanied by DANIEL.  THE GUESTS snicker and grumble at her as she walks.  ADINA looks around disapprovingly at the rudeness of the guests.  CRYSTAL starts laughing incessantly.  A FEW OF THE GUESTS look at her disapprovingly.

CRYSTAL
(laughing)
I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.

She continues laughing as DANIEL leads NAOMI down the aisle. He takes his seat next to ADINA as NAOMI takes her place opposite KEVIN in front of FATHER CURTIS. CRYSTAL continues to incessantly giggle off to the side.  FATHER CURTIS shoots her a disapproving stare.  She immediately quiets down.

FATHER CURTIS
Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today in the presence of neighbors, friends and family, to join Naomi and Kevin in holy matrimony, which is not by any to be entered into lightly but reverently, advisedly and solemnly.

CRYSTAL
Here, here.

FATHER CURTIS
We will begin our ceremony with a reading from The Song Of Solomon by the mother of the groom.

ADINA rises and pulls ST. ANNE ON WHEELS along with her.

ADINA
I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine; he pastures his flock among the lilies.   Turn away your eyes from me, for they disturb me

CRYSTAL laughs.

ADINA (CONT’D)
Your hair is like a flock of goats.

CRYSTAL laughs harder.

ADINA (CONT’D)
Your teeth are like a flock of ewes.

CRYSTAL cannot contain herself.

CRYSTAL
(laughing)
I’m sorry.  Excuse me.

She rises giggling and makes her way through, past everyone and steps off to the side.

ADINA
Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate behind your veil.  There are sixty queens and eighty concubines, and maidens without number.  My dove, my perfect one, is only one, the darling of her mother, flawless to her that bore her.  ”Who is this that looks forth like the dawn, fair as the moon, bright as the sun?”

ADINA steps aside and pulls ST. ANNE ON WHEELS with her back to her seat.

CRYSTAL
What!? What the hell was that?

FATHER CURTIS shoots CRYSTAL a deadly stare.  She quiets down.

FATHER CURTIS
Thank you Mrs. Christner…

ADINA gives FATHER CURTIS a look.

FATHER CURTIS
And St. Anne…

ADINA nods to FATHER CURTIS.

FATHER CURTIS
Into this holy estate Naomi and Kevin now come to be joined.  If anyone can show just cause why these two may not be joined together in holy matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.

CRYSTAL
I…

FATHER CURTIS
Except for you Mrs. Itzal.  No one wants to hear anything more out of you.

GUEST 4
You know, I’ve been wanting to say that for years but I didn’t have the guts.

CRYSTAL
Oh come on!  She’s got a helmet on her head for god’s sake!  

EVERYONE looks at CRYSTAL disapprovingly.

CRYSTAL (CONT’D)
What!? Oh, like none of you noticed!?

FATHER CURTIS shoots CRYSTAL a deadly stare.

CRYSTAL
Fine! I’ll be quiet!

FATHER CURTIS
Kevin and Naomi will now recite their vows to each other.

KEVIN
I, Kevin, take you, Naomi, to be my best friend, my one true love, and my wife. I will be yours always, in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in failure and in victory. I promise to care for and protect you, to cherish and respect you and comfort and love you, and to stay with you, for all eternity. And I vow to do my best to make you even happier everyday for the rest of our lives.

NAOMI
I, Naomi, take you, Kevin, to be my husband, loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know. I earnestly await the opportunity to grow with you, throughout our lives, together, and to continue to fall in love with you a little more everyday.  I promise to love and cherish you through whatever troubles and triumphs life may bring us and I look forward to spending the rest of my life falling even more deeply in love with you as time goes on.

CRYSTAL
What?... Well, I’m sorry but you can hardly understand a word she says through that thing.

FATHER CURTIS
The rings please.

As WILEY hands the rings to KEVIN the WIND begins to whistle and blow.

FATHER CURTIS
Now Kevin do you take this woman, Naomi Violetta Callisto, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, as long as you both shall live?

KEVIN
I do.

FATHER CURTIS
Naomi…

NAOMI places his wedding band on his ring finger. The wind begins to grow more and more intense by the second.

THE WEDDING GUESTS hats and the decorations put up about begin to be rustle more and more.  A FEMALE GUESTS LARGE HAT flies off her head, shooting right pat BITSY’S FACE.

BITSY
Whoa.

CRYSTAL laughs.  FATHER CURTIS, noticing the growing uncomfortable state of the GUESTS, tries to speed it up.

FATHER CURTIS
(speaking faster)
Naomi, do you take this man, Kevin Hugh Christner, to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, as long as you both shall live?

NAOMI
I do.

KEVIN places the ring on NAOMI ring finger as the wind continues to strengthen.

FATHER CURTIS
I now pronounce you man and wife.  You may… hug the bri…
The wind has picked up to a highly intense extent.  CRYSTAL’s clothing is being blown off of her body, piece by piece.

CRYSTAL
Ahhhhh!!!!!

BITSY and WILEY laugh hysterically at CRYSTAL as HAT’S FLY  through the air and THE PETALS from the many garlands of flowers blow everywhere.  CRYSTAL continues to scream as she now stands only in her undergarments.  She runs off screaming in embarrassment.

NAOMI’s wedding dress is blown up in the air, revealing all of her frilly white wedding undergarments.  She is suddenly surrounded by a powerful whirling wind of flower petals and is lifted high up into the air.

KEVIN
(trying to grab her)
Naomi!

The whirlwind carries NAOMI high and far across the lawn when suddenly, the wind completely stops, and NAOMI is dropped right on her head.

KEVIN (CONT’D)
(running to her)
Naomi!!!!

ADINA
Good lord!

BITSY
Oh no!

They all rush over to NAOMI who lies in a heap of flower petals on the grass.  PURPLE HELMET lays cracked into pieces a foot away from her head.  SPARKLING DIAMONDS pour out from the cracked apart helmet and are all over NAOMI’S HEAD and throughout her hair.  

KEVIN helps NAOMI to her feet. She shakes her head brushing the sparkling jewels and flower petals from her hair.  

Even with the diamonds now strewn about everywhere, no one seems to notice; all THE GUESTS can only stare at NAOMI entranced and in awe of her overwhelming beauty. Every feature and aspect of her face is glowing and sparkling and uniquely beautiful. Her hair is the most beautiful, blackest shining hair anyone could imagine; she is enchantingly stunning.

WILEY
Well what do you know.

KEVIN
Are you ok?

NAOMI
Yes.

FATHER CURTIS
You may now kiss the bride!

KEVIN takes NAOMI in his arms and admires her opulent, glowing, immense beauty for a moment before he passionately kisses her.  THE GUESTS cheer.

FADE OUT

TITLE: “AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER…”

Reviews

Showing 1 - 9 of 9