Screenplay / Decisions Before Dawn (Analysis)
DECISIONS BEFORE DAWN TREATMENT
LOG: A dramatic love triad interacts throughout history in search of love and each other.
A rift has existed between MAN and WOMAN almost since the moment they were created. Eight months from now, in New York, THE RIFT is going to be sealed by the ones who caused it, Adam, the first MAN, Lilith, the first WOMAN and Eve, the first FEMALE.
Paradise: The Beginning of Time.
Lilith and Adam are created at the same time and from the same material. They are equals in every way. Neither can force their will on the other. Lilith wants to explore the never-ending forests beyond the borders established for them. It lies below the wishing cliff and waterfall. But, Adam refuses to disobey what is in his heart. He stays behind and pleads with Lilith to return. She ignores him and attempts to descend the cliff. Halfway down, she falls. Adam watches as she crashes into the cascading water below. Adam tries to help, but is forced back to paradise by the three Fates. The past, “You were told not to leave this place.” The present, “Go back before it is too late!” The future, “It is already too late.”
After countless years of praying for Lilith’s return at the wishing cliff, Adam weeps because he is alone. Eve is the result of his inadvertent wish. Adam is somewhat different when he wakes up to find a new companion beside him. He feels whole only when near Eve. After some time Adam and Eve fall in love and become pregnant.
Lilith returns to paradise changed from her experiences and eager to share what she has learned about the outside world. But, she finds Adam and Eve asleep under a tree hugging one another and is outraged that Adam has another mate who is pregnant. That was supposed to be Lilith’s right. Lilith does not let them know she has returned. Instead, in her anger, Lilith makes a prayer of her own at the wishing cliff cursing Eve and her offspring for all time.
Soon afterwards a serpent befriends Lilith while she sleeps. When she wakes she has an Ouroboros (an amulet of a snake eating itself) in her hand, a gift from the serpent. They form an alliance and devise a plan to get even with Adam, punish Eve, and get Lilith a child of her own. Lilith places the Ouroboros, which she has made into a necklace, where Eve can find it. Eve does find it and places it around her neck. Late at night they strike. The serpent puts a strangle hold around Eve and then threatens to kill her if Adam does not follow Lilith’s instructions. The plan succeeds. Lilith forces Adam on his back and tries to steal his seed.
Now, Lilith has a child growing inside of her as well. She rubs her swollen stomach chanting a mantra of revenge. She thinks the product of her union with Adam lives within her, but it is the serpent that planted the seed in Lilith while she slept. Their child is “Lilu, The Beast”. He will hunt the male children of Adam and Eve as his mother has commanded.
Uruk, Sumer (2500 B.C.E.)
Aliyah (Lilith reborn) and Athian (Adam reborn) are completing a weeklong wedding ceremony. Tonight they will consummate the arranged marriage. One month ago 15-year-old Athian killed “The Beast” that has terrorized the territory for more than a decade. He is now a “Hero”. As they ride through the city on a chariot of honor supplied by the king during the celebratory parade, Athian’s father, the General, advises him not to tell anyone that he slipped and the “Beast” fell on his staff. As a result of the accidental success, Athian’s family is able to choose his bride from the most eligible females in the kingdom. Athian accepts marriage to increase his family’s social status, wealth, and land holdings, but ultimately, Athian has clandestine plans of a future that he envisions for himself and Musette (Eve reborn), his secretly pregnant 21-year-old lover and his father’s slave. Despite the marriage, Musette insists on keeping the child whom she has already named “Hope”. Athian tries to explain to his true love that he will buy her from his father one day soon and they will both be free.
Athian’s mother chooses Aliyah, a cousin of the King. At 13, Aliyah is a child who is in love with the idea of marriage. She has been waiting for this day as if she were in a hurry. She dreams of the children and the life she and Athian will have as she stares at the beautiful ring (a spiral golden serpent with blood red jewels for eyes) that Athian has given her. Aliyah displays it proudly to all of the handmaidens and family who have gathered to help them celebrate the culmination of the engagement, all the while spouting, “Athian took it from the hand of ‘The Beast’.”
Musette asks Athian to prove his devotion to her by breaking his wedding vows before the final rite is completed. The festive day is shattered when Aliyah’s brothers arrive at Athian’s family stables to except delivery of six horses, the last of the dowry exchanges. They find Athian and Musette naked together in one of the stalls. In their rage at the insult to the royal family and their sister, they beat Athian to within an inch of his life and then make him watch them summarily execute Musette. Athian soon follows her; they lie on the ground together, fingertips a fraction of an inch from touching.
Aliyah, now a widow who has not been a bride, must be sent away. She is cursed by the wedding vows and the blood oath she made swearing at the shrine of her household God, Lilith, “My husband will love no one but me and I will love no other than he.” Aliyah’s parents are forced to send her to the Temple of Eanna to serve as a vassal virgin for the rest of her natural life. No man can have her but her husband of 6 days, consummation or no, – the law is strict and very specific.
Her dedication to study and gift for interpreting obscure scrolls is observed and admired by the high priests from the beginning. After 17 years she evolves into a natural and powerful priestess. But, one day she steals the “Ouroboros” scroll, an ancient Egyptian prayer that brings back the dead, from the priest’s library.
Aliyah makes a novice’s error while conjuring the spell. She mistakenly interprets the left eye of Ra as Hathor (right eye of Ra) the goddess of nurturing, but soon finds that she has called upon Sekhmet the goddess of war and Hathor’s opposite, to aid her in resurrecting her husband and the life she dreamed of as a young bride. Aliyah chanted the words on the scroll, sacrifices a black bull, and then plunges a dagger into her chest. As a result, Lilu the second born of the Earth, first born of the blood lust, and long thought to be the offspring of Lilith and Adam, is reborn to humanity. And, he demands blood sacrifice. Aliyah gains immortality, but also inherits the blood lust, and the continuous awareness of her first self, Lilith the immortal, in exchange. It is part of the plan to bring Lilith back to the living. From now on Aliyah must draw her existence from the blood of humans. The cycle is starting again! Where is Adam this time?
New York, USA (24 June)
Athian is reborn 37 years ago in New York to complete his last life cycle. He is now, Robert, a well-traveled problem solver, would-be author and reported playboy. Robert only trusts two people and he is one of them. He happens to be platonically in love with and inexplicably drawn to his assistant, Ronnie (Musette and Eve reborn). He has always been able to fix anything and he can smell trouble a mile away, but does not know it is because he has experienced the situations before; he has no conscious memory of his past lives except for the dreams.
Aliyah, not looking a day over 30, reenters Robert’s life as she has numerous times before. After four and a half millennia of living, planning and searching, Aliyah will not let anything stand between her and Robert. The police cannot stand in her way; she has manipulated and avoided law enforcement for years. Even Robert’s love for another will not stop her; she has taken the most faithful of men from their wives. Lilu, the demon Aliyah spawned in an attempt to bring Robert back to life will try to kill Robert as he did Athian and all the other incarnations; Aliyah has to be very careful when misguiding her child. Robert’s life means Lilu’s death. And, Lilu knows this.
Through all, Aliyah’s real challenges are that she must expose her true self, Lilith, to Robert before she either joins with him or has him end her suffering with his own hand. But, Robert must love her unconditionally if they join. Aliyah begins a campaign of seduction and deception designed to make Robert love her at all costs and protect him from Lilu at the same time.
New York (24 December)
Aliyah and Robert meet by accident in a run down bar on Christmas Eve. Robert is drowning his guilt and sorrow in the bottom of a bottle. His former lover, Leslie Stikes, is in a coma and he feels responsible. She said she was pregnant and that the child was Robert’s, but he knew she was not monogamous, so he did not believe her. Robert thought she was trying to hold on to their relationship anyway she could, leave her ancient though well off husband, or trying to blame him for someone else’s mistake. He now tells himself, “How was I to know if Leslie was telling the truth about the baby?” He has just come from the Intensive Care Ward of the hospital where Leslie still lies comatose from the wound to her temple. One of the nurses who had read the “Times” article about the incident, saw fit to tell Robert, “No… Mr. Stikes is not the father.” That is like “salt in the wound” to Robert; he may very well be the father. He stumbles into the first watering hole he could find.
Aliyah is out hunting. The “Blood Wine” cannot always soothe her hunger. She knows anyone drinking alone in this bar tonight will not be missed. Robert is drawn to Aliyah at first sight. She is out of place in this setting, a graceful woman in a fur coat in the ghetto on Christmas Eve, is she slumming? He knows her from somewhere. But since Leslie’s outburst in the Waldorf Ballroom months before, Robert has sworn off women. Everyone’s evening was interrupted when Leslie, four or five months pregnant, entered the gala, and pointed a gun at Robert demanding that he take responsibility for the child inside of her. She tells the panicked crowd that she has divorced her husband and lost a fortune in the process because of her adultery with Robert. He is scared until Leslie fires a shot into the air and he notices that there is no hole in the ceiling. It is a prop pistol. Robert then realizes that she must have gotten it from her brother, a special effects adviser to several studios. “The gun is not real Leslie.” Leslie says, “I wish it were real so that I could do this…” Before Robert could say, “No,” she puts the weapon to her temple and pulls the trigger. Robert can still see her head twisting in slow motion from the percussion of the powder blast.
Robert is now convinced that all women are poison. Aliyah’s extraordinary beauty makes Robert more determined to refuse even conversation. To him, every pretty face is a potential Leslie, a mistake waiting to happen. So when Aliyah approaches and calls him, “Athian”, he does not listen. Instead, he walks pass her and leaves as fast as his feet will carry him. However, she is waiting for him when he arrives at home inebriated.
Robert and Aliyah proceed with a dangerous game whose consequences involve more than Robert could ever imagine except in the recurring dreams that he has never been able to interpret. When Aliyah sees his unpublished memoir on his desk, she reads it while he sleeps off the rotgut he will be sorry for tomorrow. She is a fuzzy memory when he wakes. Only an exquisite handmade calling card remains to remind Robert that he was not hallucinating.
A week or so later Aliyah is waiting on Robert’s stoop with two bottles of “Blood Wine”. Robert invites her in for dinner despite not wanting company. When Robert cuts his finger while preparing dinner, Aliyah sucks the wound clean. Robert does not know it yet, but he has been infected with a blood born pathogen, a very old and rare one. Aliyah confesses to Robert that she has never known a man and she has chosen him for the honor because he is the only man ever to tell her, “No”. Unbelieving Robert rejects her offer, but he does drink the wine and allows her to stay the night. With one good night kiss from Aliyah the dream returns: two figures in the center of a flaming ball. One of the figures is suddenly being snatched from the flame and falls into darkness. The second figure is divided in to two smaller figures. The intensity of the flame diminishes. Robert wakes in a sweat and Aliyah is gone.
Robert finally goes back to work after months of melancholy. Ronnie frequently stays in Robert’s loft when he is away. She knows of Aliyah and feels it is her duty to protect Robert from women. Ronnie knows he is vulnerable and, from Robert’s description, that Aliyah is potentially dangerous. The night Aliyah and Ronnie meet is just another chess move in Aliyah’s plan. She learned long ago that frontal assaults are wasteful, and fighting on two fronts simultaneously is down right stupid; one should attack and subdue the opponent’s allies first.
When Ronnie picks Robert up at Kennedy Airport after a three-month contract, she tries to warn him about Aliyah, but she has a hold on Ronnie that defies logic and reason. Ronnie consented to Aliyah biting her. The cancer eating away at Ronnie’s insides was cured in exchange for service. Ronnie tells Robert that she has been intimate with Aliyah. Robert finds himself getting jealous of both Ronnie and Aliyah, but fights the emotion. The Ouroboros now around Ronnie’s neck draws Robert’s attention. She explains it away with, “It was a gift.”
Robert knows about the cancer, but loves Ronnie still. She has always been thin, small, pale, and full of spunk. He had to question his own sexuality when they first met on the subway years earlier, because Ronnie dressed and looked like a boy. Robert is the only person Ronnie can remember standing up for her while she was on the street. Ten years together have made them like brother and sister. In fact, Ronnie is the heart of Robert’s Consulting business. She does all the administrative work and contracts. Robert just goes and fixes the problem. They do really well, but neither seems happy. Ronnie wants more, but never said a word because she thought she was going to die and did not want to hurt Robert any more than she knew her death would already. She shows her love through hard work and dedication to their cause. But now that she has been bitten and is not sick anymore, her feelings for Robert and oath to Aliyah are beginning to come into conflict with each other!
Ronnie and Aliyah’s relationship begins to interfere with Robert and Ronnie’s. Ronnie starts dressing and acting more like Aliyah. Robert starts to get concerned when Ronnie starts to neglect the business and miss appointments. No one has stood between them before and he knows Aliyah is up to something. Ronnie’s improved health, changed behavior and looks make Robert suspicious, but Ronnie will not talk.
Lloyd, Robert’s friend since childhood who has a nose for money, notices the empty wine bottles in Robert’s loft. He knows that they are old and probably valuable, so he asks if he can have one. He wants to have it examined by a professional. It turns out that the wine is the rarest beverage on the planet, making it very valuable. Robert is interested in the history of the wine because it provides a clue into Aliyah and her past.
One night Aliyah shows up unannounced and Robert is not amused. She talks her way into his loft with two bottles of the rare nectar under the agreement that she cannot utter one word. After one bottle of wine Robert falls into a dreamy state. Aliyah cuddles on the sofa with him. The flames slowly dying in the fireplace sends Robert back to his familiar dream: the flaming figure falling. A Void. Darkness. Water. Robert sees the figure without its flame hovering in the darkness. The faces of three ghosts appear around the figure. He wakes and Aliyah is nowhere to be seen.
Ronnie can take it no longer. She tells Robert how she feels about him and how much he has hurt her over the years with his relationships. They discuss Aliyah and each other. They agree that they will never hurt one another again – no matter what!
Lloyd sends “Rare Wines of Antiquity” by Dr. Norman Reynolds along with reference material to Robert. He, Dr. Reynolds and Lloyd have a conference call to discuss the results of the analysis and research. The wine is “Iacchus Caedes” (Latin for “Blood Wine”). Dr. Reynolds relays that the earliest recorded mention of the wine is in Akkad and Egypt. In both countries there is a reference to appeasing the Goddess Sekhmet with large quantities of “Blood Wine” and dance. The last known large-scale production of the true version with human blood was at the Eger Fortress in Hungary in 1552. One bottle of authentic “Blood Wine” is worth close to $180,000. Robert calls Aliyah after the meeting, only to have Lilu answer the phone, “Athian?” “No? This is Bobby.”
Aliyah arrives that night with a sarcastic, “You rang master?” She also has another bottle of wine for Robert and is dressed down for her; she is wearing jeans. Robert questions her over a game of chess. Aliyah is a master of attack, avoidance and defense in both the game and the questions that are asked during it. They discuss Ronnie. Robert warns Aliyah not to hurt her, check. Aliyah accuses Robert of having an Oedipus complex, counter move. Robert wins the chess game and Aliyah submits to answering three questions. “Are you a virgin?” “I have never known the pleasure of making love to a man.” “What do you want from me?” “Your Love.” “Have you ever been in love?” “I loved my parents. I loved my brothers. And, I loved a beautiful boy when I was young.” Aliyah gets emotional and leaves while both telling and warning Robert not to take her for granted.
New York (13 April)
Robert is shocked when Lloyd says that Dr. Reynolds is dead. He was found at home with his neck broken in three places. He is surprised even more when two of the city’s finest come to ask him about Dr. Reynolds. Detective Robbins is an experienced 26-year veteran and Detective Flores is the smartest and youngest detective in the country; they are investigating a string of bizarre murders connected by the fact that all the victims were left bloodless, including Dr. Reynolds. They have also found parts of the research Dr. Reynolds had done on the rare “Blood Wine”. They suspect Aliyah has something to do with it, but have been told to “back off”, because as the commissioner put it, “Ms. Shichekli could not possibly have anything to do with it!” Flores and Robbins switch tactics by questioning Robert. The forensics lab is able to retrieve some information from the burnt materials found in a trashcan in Dr. Reynolds home. Robert’s number is one of the items that was decipherable. They want to know what is his connection to Dr. Reynolds and where Robert got the wine. Robert refuses to involve Aliyah. The frustrated detectives leave, but continue to watch Robert.
Flores’ “Parthian” shot about Robert being responsible for Leslie’s accident and coma prompts Robert to visit the hospital again. He checks in on Leslie and then has his blood drawn to help determine the paternity of the child the nurses have named “Hope”.
Ronnie visits Robert one night at his request. He is concerned about the two detectives parked outside of his home, not for himself, but for Aliyah. The detectives phone while Ronnie is there to harass and threaten Robert. They confuse Ronnie with Aliyah because they have come to look so much alike and Ronnie was carrying a bottle of the priceless wine. Robert tells Ronnie about the phone call and she departs before he can question her about her plans. Later she and Aliyah return in a festive mood. They explain how Ronnie brought the detectives to Aliyah. Aliyah flirted, told them everything they wanted to know, and gave each of them a bottle of wine. Besides, Aliyah called the commissioner again and he assured her that Flores and Robbins will be on traffic duty starting tomorrow. Robert is relieved and then pleasantly surprised when Aliyah gives him the card of the CEO of Simon and Kessler Publishing and explains that he is expecting a call from Robert about his manuscript. The night turns erotic when Robert drinks too much and confesses he has always loved Ronnie. Ronnie responds by kissing Robert passionately. Aliyah joins in shortly afterwards. The moment is interrupted when Ronnie loses control; her fangs are showing and her eyes are ablaze. Robert is startled and demands an explanation. Aliyah knows it is time to show him her world. As the three leave for Aliyah’s mansion, Flores and Robbins are in close trail despite the commissioner’s warnings to stay away.
When they arrive at the mansion, Aliyah confesses to Robert by giving him her diary, 4,500 years of experiences. She tells them how Lilu was born and of the carnage she and Lilu have inflicted on the world throughout time. “He killed my entire family the day I brought him back.” Aliyah feels the pain in her chest again for the first time in eons. Robert asks, “Where is he now?” “I sent him to the Arctic to count the snow flakes; it should keep him busy for at least a week.” Aliyah has Robert remove the canvass covering a huge mosaic of their wedding. The faces on the ancient artwork astound Robert. It is he and Aliyah only younger. Aliyah takes Robert on a tour down a hallway with encased displays of artifacts and memories forgotten by him, but is like yesterday to her. Each display case is another life and another death for Robert.
Aliyah takes both Robert and Ronnie on a verbal journey through time. First she recalls, “We were summoned by the Pharaoh, Mentuhotep II, around 2400 B.C.E. to help him defeat the Nubians of Upper Egypt,” and how he paid them with the blood of those living in Kush (the 6th Cataract). Aliyah then describes Megiddo and how Robert killed Pharaoh with an arrow meant for Lilu. She recalls how Thutmosis II called them in 1492 B.C.E. to kill his older brothers. Then she speaks of Jerusalem and how the crusaders killed everyone in the city. She and Lilu watched them throw the surviving Christians, Jews, and Muslims from the parapets. Aliyah tells Robert how he and Lilu killed each other that very night (Robert used a spear and Lilu used his fist. The indention in the breastplate hanging in the case they are looking at bears witness to Lilu’s strength). All Robert can say is, “Jesus!!!” “No, my dear; he came along much earlier.” Aliyah tells how the Mongolians paid them with piles of Chinese heads. She cannot forget the Battle of Moli, Hungary were 80,000 men died in a day. She and Lilu gorged themselves until Robert separated Lilu from his head and would have taken Lilith’s as well had she not killed him first. She goes on… February 1905 the battle of Mukden, China, 100,000 died… August 1914 the battle of the Ardennes, 125,000 died in two days of fighting… February 1945 Dresden: the firestorm killed 100,000 in a single night… Hiroshima and Nagasaki were “all we could eat” buffets… The killing fields of Cambodia was a feast fit for three Lilus… Rwanda and Uganda, millions faced death by machete or worse… He ate himself sick. The tour ends in an exact replica of the Temple of Eanna’s alter room. Aliyah explains in more detail what the Ouroboros spell of Sekhmet is and how Robert can end it. Both Ronnie and Aliyah reveal that they are vampires. Robert does not want to believe them, but his eyes and heart force acceptance. Aliyah places the very dagger that she used to become immortal over her heart again and begs Robert to kill her. “Just one push my love; Athian, just one thrust and I am free. That is how you close the Rift.” When he refuses, Aliyah transforms into Lilith, grabs Robert by the throat, lifting him from the ground, and threatens to kill him if he does not strike. “How about now?... Strike because of fear or I will end this life for you, right now!” The tension is broken when a dangling Robert struggles to whisper, “There’s another way.” Aliyah returns to human form.
Dr. Edward Jennings specializes in past life regression. Ronnie found him at Robert’s request. Robert wants to remember the past. Despite his reservations about having someone else in the room and being handed a list of specific questions to ask, Dr. Jennings does it. Robert is hypnotized and regresses. At first he recalls the parade with his father after he killed “The Beast”. Dr. Jennings asks him to remember how he has defeated Lilu. Robert remembers that he fell backing away from Lilu and that his dog bit Lilu’s leg tripping him. Lilu fell directly on the point of his staff. It is a lucky blow through Lilu’s chest. The regression continues to the wedding day, the day Robert and Ronnie were killed. Athian (Robert) questions his father about what to do with Musette (Ronnie). He is told to father an heir by his wife first. Afterwards he would be free to have as many mistresses as he likes. Athian confides in his mother that he feels like an impostor because of the accident that killed “The Beast”. His mother is more practical and assures him that there are no accidents. Twenty minutes later a battered Athian watches as Aliyah’s brother cuts Musette’s throat seconds before they do the same to him. Robert starts screaming and convulsing violently. Dr. Jennings wants to bring Robert out of the trance quickly, but Ronnie convinces him to wait a little longer. Robert starts to speak in a different voice and claims to be “part of the whole” and “A Man” before he sits up on the couch fully conscious. After the session Robert is convinced and scared. The memories start to emerge. Aliyah is his wife, Ronnie is his lover, and Lilu is his mortal enemy. Robert must face Lilu again and one or both must die, but Lilu must not live under any circumstances. Aliyah, Robert, and Ronnie had numerous meetings and discussions about the past, the present, and the future. “What are his weaknesses?” Robert asks, “… and his strengths?” They come up with a plan. On Saint George’s Day, the day evil returns, they will put it into action.
The story moves to Athian’s birth in Uruk. Two midwives are in attendance, as are the three soothsayers (fates), Lachesis (elderly), Clotho (prime of life) and Atropos (young child). They tell Athian’s mother, “Because of the snake birthmark on Athian’s back the serpent will come for him”. Athian’s mother pays the witches to protect her son. They place an Ouroboros around his neck to protect him from the servants of the serpent and Lilith, then they warn her not to cut his hair while he is young, Lilith does not molest those who she believes are girls.
New York (22 April)
Robert does not open the envelope from the DNA lab. The paternity results of Leslie’s baby, “Hope”, are contained inside. He does not open it because it does not matter. He remembers “Hope” from before and realizes that this is not a coincidence, but “Hope” trying to be born to him. He has decided to raise the child, if he lives through the night. Robert makes a detour before he goes to the mansion. He has thought about and knows that if he dies the child will be an orphan. Knowing this, Robert infects Leslie by biting her wrist, and then he removes the ventilating hose from her mouth and then turns off the alarms of the ventilator and heart monitor.
New York (23 April – Saint George’s Day)
The clock strikes midnight. Lilu is standing at the open front door ready to enter the foyer in human form. He is waiting for midnight to pass. Robert appears from nowhere and throws a bowl of rice at Lilu. Lilu responds with lightening speed, counting the airborne rice. Before the rice hits the foyer floor Lilu says, “Three thousand, five hundred and sixty-seven.”
Lilu and Robert fight an on going battle, which in reality is a series of well-designed traps, through Aliyah’s mansion. Robert first uses holy water, which does not work on Lilu. He was born before religion was invented. Robert even empties two 9 mm clips into Lilu’s chest. Lilu falls.
At that very moment back at Robert’s loft, Aliyah and Ronnie simultaneously feel an internal tremor. Ronnie asks Aliyah, “Did you feel that?” “Yes.” Anxiously Ronnie continues with, “What does it mean?” “One of them has fallen.” “Which one?” “It does not matter… Whoever wins will come here next… But, do not worry; we have been through this before, but hopefully after tonight we won’t have to ever again.” The women begin preparing for the victor. Aliyah has arranged carnal pleasures to sooth Lilu: “Blood Wine”, revealing clothing and music. For Robert, she begins to mix medicinal herbs and prepares bandages.
When Lilu rises moments later he has transformed from a man into “The Beast”. Being a compulsive counter slows Lilu down because Robert tipped a barrel with tens of thousands of marbles onto the gallery room floor. Robert runs to the hallway, that houses the eons old displays of artifacts. He pauses long enough to place a plug in a fountain, which causes the water to overflow. Robert knows Lilu cannot pass flowing water; he is trying to buy time. Lilu reaches the water and says, “You’ve done your homework boy!” But, it does not stop him. Lilu goes through the wall. Robert hears the crashes getting louder and knows Lilu is still coming. When Lilu crashes through the wall ahead of Robert and then grabs him by the neck with both hands, Robert spits the liquid garlic pills he has chewed in his mouth into Lilu’s face and then stabs him in the neck with a silver letter opener. Lilu reels with pain.
By the time Lilu reaches the alter room he is infuriated as planned. There are gallons of “Blood Wine” waiting at the entrance. Lilu drinks it and proclaims, “I could drink all day and still be able to kill you boy.” There is a thin layer of water on the floor and Lilu is suspicious, but steps into it anyway saying, “More Holy Water boy?” Lilu knows Robert is in the chamber, but cannot see or smell him. The burning cinnamon and myrrh dull Lilu’s senses as planned. When Robert appears from behind one of the columns on the opposite side of the chamber, he is the spitting image of Saint George in modernized armor and holding a spear. Robert uses a remote to activate a hidden flat screen television. The images of Aliyah and Ronnie dancing in provocative clothing distract Lilu. Shortly afterwards the sprinkler system activates. Lilu is over whelmed by so much sensory input. Robert charges with the spear pointed at Lilu’s heart. Seconds from success, Lilu moves enough to avoid death. The spear tip penetrates his left breast just above the heart and exits through the collarbone. Lilu breaks the shaft and removes the spear tip from his shoulder. He turns on Robert in time to see an electrical chord being thrown in the water. By the time the electricity shorts, Lilu is on one knee and smoke is rising from his body. Robert retrieves a sword and then throws poppy seeds into the water. The wet black floor makes it almost impossible to count the small black seeds. Lilu counts frantically as Robert approaches. Lilu tells Robert, “I am a cursed and scorned bastard because of you and that bitch of a whore… You and your kind have never accepted me… I am ugly and go unloved while your children are beautiful… Love gushes from their veins.” Lilu implies that Robert is his father. It is a ploy to gain time; it works. Robert hesitates in a brief moment of compassion. Before Robert can strike Lilu finishes counting, “Seventy-three thousand, eight hundred twenty-three”. He backhands Robert, knocking him across the room and unconscious.
Semi-conscious, Robert starts to dream again. From above one of the figures from the fireball is in a controlled fall toward the water. The figure plunges through the water barrier. There’s no splash. The figure dives deeper with a trail of bubbles following it down. Three ghostlike facial images appear in the darkness of the void around the diving figure. Senoy, Sansenoy, and Semangelof say in unison, “Go back… It is not time… Go back.” The figure is getting weaker. The angels circle and repeat their mantra. “You must rise or you will die!”
The entities then pull the figure back toward the surface.
Lilu grabs Robert off the ground from behind and shakes him back to life. He wants Robert awake for the finale. Lilu sinks his fangs into Robert’s neck and shoulder. “The sweetest revenge I have ever tasted. And, you are not my father… My father is THE SERPENT! I take revenge for him.” He feeds for a short while and then brags of how Robert will serve him for eons before feeding more. Lilu realizes his mistake too late. “You are tainted. Already knowing and of the covenant… I… I… I gain nothing.” Robert has the blood lust as well and Lilu has poisoned himself with the blood of an undead. As Lilu struggles to overcome the effects of ingesting poison, Robert plunges the dagger that brought Lilu to life, the very dagger Aliyah wanted Robert to kill her with, into his heart. Robert recites the names of the three guardian angels of humanity, “By Senoy, Sansenoy, and Semangelof, you and yours shall not feed on the children of humanity while I stand… And, Lilu, in case you have not noticed, I am a boy no longer… The calf now has horns!”
Lilu, now dying, proclaims, “As long as there is pain, suffering and misery, I will exist. As long as there is greed and deception, I WILL LIVE!” Robert corrects Lilu with, “No, Lilu… NO MORE! And, before I forget… I have always known you are not my son.” Lilu choking on his own blood asks, “How could you know?” “It was easy… No son of mine would be as dumb or as ugly as you,” then Robert decapitates him.
Lilu’s death frees Aliyah from one curse. But, Robert must realize that he, as Adam, wished for Eve, which caused the RIFT, his love for two people. The following night Aliyah, Ronnie and Robert celebrate with a huge party at Aliyah’s mansion where the trio proclaims their love for each other in front of all assembled; it is part of the ritual – confession. At the appropriate hour, they excuse themselves from the numerous guests that crowd the mansion. They perform an ancient ritual in the alter room and then return to the party. After all the guests leave, the triad retires to the bedroom. They make love to one another. Lilith transforms into her true hideous form and asks, “Do you love me now?” Robert kisses her no less passionately than before. The kiss changes Lilith back into Aliyah. The three love each other to sleep.
New York (24 April)
Something wakes Robert before sunrise. He covers Aliyah and Ronnie with layers of Egyptian linen until their form appears to be one. He places the twisted Ouroboros between the layers and then recites an incantation that reverses the wedding vow divorcing Aliyah. Robert then moves to the balcony facing the rising sun, spreads his arms wide in surrender and is magically transported back to the very spot where he prayed for Eve. Paradise remains, but the land beyond its borders is no longer the boundless lush forest he had known. It is now barren and desolate. Standing there on the cliff face naked before the sunrise, two tears fall from Robert’s cheeks. The tears follow the same path cut out by what used to be a mighty river over the edge of the cliff and into the small puddle that used to be a deep pool. Robert closes his eyes and then takes a leap of faith following his tears. As he descends the puddle becomes a pool again. With a splash Robert breaks the surface and the dreams he has had all his life begin to mix with reality. He dives deeper until he finds Lilith unconscious. When they resurface all is as it was before Lilith’s fall. The forest has returned, the river is flowing and the waterfall again brings forth a shower of life from the source. Robert pulls Lilith’s stunned body to the shore where he discovers that the person he has saved does not look like Lilith. She is a combination of Lilith and Eve. The Rift is sealed.
Robert reappears on the balcony. He rushes to the bed and pulls the layers of linen back one by one. The twisted Ouroboros is now circular. When he unveils the last sheet a single figure lies naked before him.
Flores and Robbins arrive at Aliyah’s home to arrest her for the murder of several men that she was seen with, including Dr. Reynolds’. They have a search warrant, but find no trace of Aliyah. Even though they find it convenient that Aliyah has signed over her entire estate to Robert, they have no case against him or the woman on his arm. Aliyah is gone. Robert says he does not know where she is and does not expect to see her again. The Detectives leave frustrated, but promise to keep an eye on Robert and his new friend.
At the hospital the staff is astounded; “It’s a miracle”. Leslie Stikes is not only breathing on her own, she has brain wave activity as well. In the commotion no one notices the two small puncture wounds on her wrists. The End.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
This 128 word review has not been unlocked.
This 27 word review has not been unlocked.
This 34 word review has not been unlocked.
Good luck with this, I hope to see you go very far with it. I’m not too good at pointing out spelling or grammer mistakes, but I can’t think of any I found. I think you’re ready! Keep up the good work!
- add/view comments (0)
You should put more camera direction in this screenplay. Other than that, that is the only thing i see wrong with this piece. It was very nice, great plot, and i would love to see it some where, some day. Thank you for the great read.
This was incredibly exhausting, both in lenght and depth. Im not sure exactly how you intend to market it, though I feel it is an intriguing enough sell.
At first, in my opinion, it resembled an opera--mythological and periodic--and swiftly changed its state, becoming a standard classic drama. At times it resembled a big-budget musical, and others yet a big-budget film.
Keeping your audience’s attention will be your greatest challenge, which unfortunately will also be the basis of your selling point. Spiritual and religious stories based on historical documentation seem to be garnering more attention and acclaim in this time, and although the convergence of multiple Creation legends and religious origins will yield much discussion (whether contraversially or casually), there is a strong chance that you may have buried your intention in, simply, too much fact, and too much parallelism.
Honestly, I don’t have any suggestions on how to improve this problem. It is obvious that you are well-educated in the areas of which you narrate, as well as outwardly passionate, and I am concerned that altering any parts of your carefully constructed timeline will jeopardize the integrity of truth. However, you may need to divide the story into smaller pieces: either as a series or episodes…
Cinematography and editing can work wonders on a long script, but I don’t think it will be as effective a tool as your powerful storytelling, and even if you were able to pare down some of this girth, it would probably only be within a 30 minute differential, which, again still won’t dent the massive amount of screen-time I forsee as necessary.
Directorially, the challenge will be in uniting the parallel stories and threading the timeline without losing the audience. This will definitely appeal to those who appreciate religion and mythology studies--whom will probably have no trouble keeping up--but will penultimately desert those who don’t have the capacity to respect it (which is unfortunately most of the movie-going public).
I for one would not only love to see this, but I would love to be part of the creative team that sees this through pre-production. I think the story-boarding and event-sequencing would be an intense and interesting process and that wrapping the project would be quite fulfiling.
Good luck
They agree that they will never hurt one another again – no matter what or who!
Perhaps you should stick with ‘no matter what’ since the ‘who’ is either of them which was just proclaimed in the first part of the sentence. Honestly, that was all that I can find that, grammatically, can be smoothed a bit.
The story seems to play out in an interesting fashion, albeit this is the first treatment which I have read over for advice. I am interested as to how it will look with all the dialogue and scene depictions. I wish you all the best.
That I saw there were no grammatical errors but I’m not great in that field so I could be wrong. The script is not really something I would watch but the plot is well thought out and portrayed. This movie really seems like something that would be played on the sci-fi channel which isn’t a bad thing because they sometimes have some pretty good stuff. Good luck with your pitch.
I like how you toke besically the same story and took them through the ages to modern day. A very interseting and entertaining story. I would for sure like to read the whole script just to see what going on next.
I’ve been told (by a screenwriter friend) that screenplays are written much differently and generally use very brief and concise sentences to get the idea of the scene across and to give the director more room to work with. As for your piece, I think it was brilliant and it read as smoothly as a novel (and not as choppy as a lot of screenplays that I have read in the past.) I like the idea of combining the “mythology” of the beginning of man with that of the beginning of vampires. If you were to consider submitting this for production, I think you’d have a very good shot (simply because you’d be appealing to so many different types of audience.) Good luck with your future writing!
Showing 1 - 10 of 14
Next →
Review item
Add to faves
GENERAL
REVIEW QUEUE
Ratings & Rankings
