Please login to continue.

Poetry / Sweet Dreams

I use the cover of the night to shield my dreams
Fantasies
At night I put the sugarplums to bed and let the black cat prowl
Stalking the sweet dreams like raw meat dripping with blood
They devour them
Turning my thoughts once more
From sweet kisses of my lovers lips
To vampires lust filled bites
My eyeslids stutter and twitch as I sigh aloud
But those felines counter my pain
Drowning it out with purrs
Trapped
Cornered by these hungry monsters
I close my eyes
Squeeze them tight and scream at the top of my lungs
“Wake Up”

You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.

Reviews

Sort Reviews by  Newest |  Oldest |  Highest Quality |  Lowest Quality |  Newest Comments | 

 
Rangerl avatar General Stranger

September 24, 2006

Rangerl

personal info reviewer stats
Rangerl reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

Another way of looking at nightmares? Description was good and it kept me wanting to read more.

jenny avatar General Stranger

September 16, 2006

jenny

personal info reviewer stats
jenny reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

Vivid and powerful.  Am I right in assuming this poem is about some kind of sleep paralysis?  You capture the urgent need to escape from the sights and sounds shuttered behind the eyes, in the mind, and also show how quickly sweet dreams can turn sour.  I really connected to this poemm  Well done.
xxx

kitnina5 avatar General Stranger

September 16, 2006

kitnina5

personal info reviewer stats
kitnina5 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

This poem gives emotion and descriptors to nightmares.  Or what I assume are nightmares.  You have defined the dream process wonderfully.  You use wonderful metaphors to describe the different transitions.  They work toward the advantage of the piece.

lolanation avatar General Stranger

September 15, 2006

lolanation

personal info reviewer stats
lolanation reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

Interesting lucid dreaming description.  Kitties are great aren’t they?

jessicaw24 avatar General Stranger

September 15, 2006

jessicaw24

personal info reviewer stats
jessicaw24 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

This is really good, I like the creative relevance between night, cats, vampires, and the overall theme portrayed here.

Oakam_Claus avatar General Stranger

July 22, 2006

Oakam_Claus

personal info reviewer stats
Oakam_Claus reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

“night to shielded my dreams” – Just make it “shield”

“My eyes lids” – “eyelids”

“Trapped cornered by these” – Add a comma after “Trapped”

Well, must have been a weird dream, the only thing I didn’t like was the use of “vampires” and “blood.” Good luck though.

Showing 1 - 6 of 6

Creator
luvbug2090 avatar

luvbug2090

Age: 27
Loc: LA, CA
Gen: F
Last Login: June 30
Relevant Links
Item Stats

GENERAL

6 Reviews 0 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: over 2 years ago

REVIEW QUEUE

Appeared in Queue: 0 Times
Skipped: 0 Times
Large_criteria Ratings & Rankings
Tags

There are no tags for this item.