Poetry / Roll that Beautiful Bean Footage (Analysis)

Hazy processes and imperialistic motives,
propaganda in the media feeding vultures.
Subcultures blending, breeding, bending,
bleeding, sending greetings to any heart beating.
Seating limited if your opinions conflict,
and living the lies that cry for freedom.
Let me greet’em with a hug so snug,
pour me a cup, and for you a mug.
Let love, above all else, guide your heart
and deny your self.
Paper laws are gouging raw the eyes that saw.
Sewed up lips, and distant trips,
crawl your way up out of this. What’s your trick?
Who made your vision a trend?
Who voted for your sadistic kin?
Just what are you, confess your sin!
What exactly are you trying to win?
You lie when you grin, are you pulled by strings?
Pluck your wings, so you never fly again.
Or any of your origin. May God save us
from this man!

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Ducttapekid avatar General Stranger

May 22, 2008

Ducttapekid

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Ducttapekid reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

This sounds like you’re talking about a politician or maybe a mystery man.

PhotoWriter avatar General Stranger

May 18, 2008

PhotoWriter

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PhotoWriter reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Interesting. Nice rythmn, but no real point.  It seemed a bit tight and hard to search outh the message. The title made me think that it might be a parody of a popular commercial, but could not be certain.  I would suggest a little revision on the clarity.  Keep the attitude of it.  That was great!

Wytchcat avatar General Stranger

May 15, 2008

Wytchcat

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Wytchcat reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I found the mix of rhyme and free verse a bit jarring for this to be a comfortable read.  And that was disappointing as I wanted to really feel the flow of the subject matter.

Lines 3 and 4 did cause me to go back and reread as they sounded like lines from one of my pieces.

Lovejonz avatar General Stranger

May 14, 2008

Lovejonz

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Lovejonz reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I like it. Sounds like it comes from the lips of experience.
I like the tone it sets for the one in Sadistic skin, the same one who lies when he grins. Tragic ending though, for “Birds need wings to fly- like dreams.”

anaisnais avatar General Stranger

May 14, 2008

anaisnais

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anaisnais reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Loved  the start of this poem, but overall it didn’t quite excite or intrigue me in the way of which I expected.  Maybe its me expecting too much – I don’t know, but can’t help think you could get something more from developing/re-mold of this piece.  Kindest intentions and thoughts.

metaphoricalsimile avatar General Stranger

February 03, 2008

metaphoricalsimile

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metaphoricalsimile reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

A good poem about the suppression of free speach.  I especially like the line “Paper laws are goouging raw the eyes that saw.”

libby avatar General Stranger

February 03, 2008

libby

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libby reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

I think this is perfect for what you’ve got in mind. Sweet rhythm, very musical, so much so that it really doesn’t matter what the words are saying. And I mean that in a good way, really! Good luck with this.

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cybertyger avatar

cybertyger

Age: 34
Loc: United States
Gen: M
Last Login: September 23
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7 Reviews 2 Comments
Version 1
Latest Activity: 3 months ago

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