Poetry / Ode to Inksville

first of all, poetry doesnt become outdated unless the it is using a language no one speaks. art is by nature something that is timeless, no matter what style or format, art can’t become boring or outdated if it is well done. this piece in my opinion is well done and is not by any stretch outragously off of contemporary poetry. i like sentiment here (if im understanding it right) especially the last two lines. a quirky part that i also liked was how you used “mose” to keep the flow. its nice to see people out there with the cajonees to tweak the language a bit for artistic sake. painters arn’t forced to only pain hyper realism, neither should writers.

The rhyme scheme, coupled with the opening “blue/smudged by tears,” definitely made me cringe, but the close of the first stanza gave me hope.  The contrast between the tears of a person and that of the Earth is beautiful, and the structure of the line itself is smooth and natural.  A nice read after a shocking start.  The exploration of a piece of writing through a piece of writing is an often interesting, if not often visited one.  The imagery created through descriptions such as ”...they draw a line/that marks the scars along the spine,” help distinguish this piece from others on the same subject.  Such lines keep the piece grounded in precisely and efficiently exploring the theme.  Finally, the concession of a loss of rage in an ineffective piece is poignant.  All in all, it’s the rhyme scheme that I find least appealing, though sometimes effective.

There’s been a renaissance of the old forms of late.  At least that’s what I have been told.  Wait a minute, I was told that about twelve years ago.  Anyway, I’m not that much into poetry.  I mean to say, that if the first five lines haven’t grabbed me (five is a good number,) then my mind begins to wander, and I begin to think how good a bowl of ice cream and a cup of coffee would go about now…

Old form or not, I like reading your poem.  Notice I didn’t say liked, but like.  It’s one of those poems that I will revisit.  To me, the poem is about making the written what it needs to be, how we struggle to make the written word what it should be, and what the written word can become.  Since I enjoyed the poem in its entirety, I can’t isolate any one line as being my favorite.  I do love the last stanza, though:
“White paper keeps his story flat
the letters struggle pushing that
If stories smudge into the page
weve lost the spirit, lost the rage.”

great ending to a great poem!

Hello. :)
    I have to say that I don’t know much about “dated styles” in poetry, so I’m just here really to say how things make me feel. I think it’s just as important--if-not more important--as whether or not one stanza has more syllables than the last and all that.
     Your rhythm here is terrific, which makes it very easy to read from one line to the next. The descriptions are nice, also.
     My favorite are the last two lines. :) Kudos. --iamfromtheplanetribnog--
    
    

Your rhythm is excellent..as is your imagery. It may not hold the interest of the majority of contemporary poetry enthusiasts but it’s well done nonetheless. Excellent work!

I don’t think any style is ‘dead’ or obsolete, it’s the way the poet uses that style.  You should never care if your style is old.  But if you want to update your style, read more contemporary work, practice and I’m sure you’ll find a happy medium.
I will say your rhythm is off and you want to clean that up.
Otherwise, this isn’t bad.
Oh, your poem doesn’t sound finished.