Poetry / Picture this if you will

This is very sweet, and I love the imagery. It reminds me of when I was a kid and would go camping with my parents. The excitement of the ride, waiting to get there, watching out the car window, sweet relief, we’re finally here.I totally hear ya! Nice, nice job.

Yes this paints a nice picture of an evening of journeying to the forest and camping, only on criticism,

Those pine tree would read better as the pine trees, should this be read in past or present tense?. if it is in past those trees would be correct but later you say i take a breath, this should then be took if it is in past tense.

There doesn’t seem to be any spell errors glaring at me.  I don’t think there are any worries there.  Other than that it is a simple scene with a few nice descriptors.  My favorite oddly being . . .
“mixture of dirt and gravel
Tossed up by the tires”
There are a few extra uses of “the” I would cut but other than that it’s a peaceful read.

WOW GReat poem

I love this poem. I love your use of imagry, very concrete. It paints a very vivid picture in my mind. You have such origional ideas, don’t taint them with cliche’s like “warms my soul”. Try to get someone to to help you apply punctuation in orger to help emphasize and seperate ideas. Also try using stanzas for emphasis and seperation. Overall a beautiful poem, I loved it and can’t wait to read more.

I like this one. It takes me back to some good times I had as a child. The structer was descent… As for the way you presented it, I think you draw a very clear picture that many people can probably relate to. Good Job

Well, this is a lovely descriptive poem about driving up to a campsite I think, meeting someone already there, taking in the night and the fire, having cocoa and marshmallows then falling asleep to the sound of cicadas, which, however I think stop their song at sundown, they’re a day insect. It’s a warm and fuzzy poem. Should have a warm and fuzzy title I think that reflects all this. Evening Lullabye? Warm Summer Nights? A Perfect Night? Just to give some idea or direction… Would love to know who you were with or who you met and where you were then. Why was this so memorable?

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August 12, 2006

by SilentWeapons

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I figured it could be interpreted that being in the distant past, with a relative being the obvious person without having to say it. Merely simpler times, back before life showed itself to be this stressful beast to which I know now.  Good call on the cicadas and thank you for your input.

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I love the challenge in the title “picture this if you will” but, I dunno, I guess I was looking for a more challenging thing to picture, your poem was very pretty and tranquil.  It was very well done.