Poetry / Online Love

Online Love

MseekinF: Wanna chat?
I’ve known you for two seconds but…)
BirdofPrey: Of course, I’ll be your lover!

(well how about that, another wanton hover.

MseekinF: Hey, you wanna be my prey?
BirdofPrey: Heh, aren’t you so sweet?
(I’ll slap that smugness from your face and then your heart I’ll eat!)
MseekinF: Do you have a pic?
BirdofPrey: Sure :)
(but it’s not me, but then, what do you care? It’s not my mind you see)

he then says…

MseekinF: Are you a dom or are you a sub?
(Will you be a slut for me?)

(I’ll tie you up and beat you,but i’ll charge you a small fee)

MseekinF: Sweety, have to go now, but I’ll add you to my list.

BirdofPrey: You make me feel so special :)
(Here, why don’t you add my fist?)

BirdofPrey: Well, I hope to see you soon! :)
(Oh God, another lie…ugh..I hate you..go away..why must you even try?)

MseekinF: I can tell you’re different ;P
(I want your cyber sex)

BirdofPrey: ::blush:: Thanx :)
(You’ll have your fun with me…and move on to the next)

~P. Bloodsworth 1999

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Reviews

August 16, 2006

field0finnocence

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
268	77.4% (53 votes)	68.8%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
19	M	Frederick, MD	August 30

field0finnocence reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

i really like this piece
exposes the superficiality
and the facades

some suggestions:
>i think “he then says…” isn’t needed
that’s the only place where you have
words not part of the conversation
or part of a parenthetical phrase,
so it feels like it doesn’t belong
>in “(Oh God, another lie…ugh..I hate
you..go away..why must you even try?)”
just use one period to divide

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August 13, 2006

Willow_Wren

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
2212	79.6% (685 votes)	28.2%

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Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
62	F	Germantown, NY	December 01

Willow_Wren reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

It’s clever and cute, but there’s been a lot of controversy about using chat dialogue as significant poetic work, and it usually falls on the short side, alas. But I enjoyed your humor and take on the ‘game’ as it’s played on the Net. Thanks for sharing.

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August 11, 2006

Dainakat

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
255	65.4% (52 votes)	24.8%

personal info reviewer stats

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
15	F	United States	October 26

Dainakat reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

Are you trying to show a poem or proof that online love is just as fake as real love. I would be more interested if this was something other than a poem because it could have alot more flavor and other things to it. If it wasn’t a poem I would like it alot more, it shows the true intentions of an internet chatter.