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Poetry / you make me weak at the knees
a lone wolf,
my mouth salivates.
i like the rush
of a hunt-
but a faint call
from your thin
inviting lips
will calm my
carnivorous ascent.
bashful,
even spellbound
by your temptation,
such telepathic radiance,
and
amiable nature again
plays me fool
to what might have been
a tasty treat.
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onlywish reviewed Version 1 -
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You did’t get none, did’t eat none. Sucked in again. The is very poetic, for a humorous look in to nature. You make your poem inviting to read. Your writing is great. Not overbearing A lite touch that makes this stand out.
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Rovey reviewed Version 1 -
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there is a gentle wit to the piece which serves to stop the slightly jaded notion of hunting and temptation in sexuality from overwhelming the piece with familiarity. the pace of the piece is sound and there is a rhythm to the words without a formalised metre which has a very good impact on the words in general. i like the lack of capitalisation too, as it suggests that this piece is collection of mid-thought observations strung together, rather than a single coherent story, catching the reader in a similar whirl to the poem’s narrator. having said all of that though, the poem really doesn’t say anything too original about the subject matter and as such it lacks a punch that could have made it great. a single, well thought out, totally original phrase or angle could really make this piece fly, but it is a very sound and enjoyable piece nonetheless. Thank you for sharing.
Heidith reviewed Version 1 -
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interesting way of starting with “lone wolf” I don’t think teeth salivate though.
also confused by “unchallenged grace”
pretty simple and straightforward
could be more interesting if you developed your imagery more
feelsofine reviewed Version 1 -
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there are no caps? because you don’t want `em translates easily to ….
luvbug2090 reviewed Version 1 -
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I like it.
“lone wolf
my teeth salivating,
i like the rush
of a hunt-
but a faint call
from your thin
inviting lips
will calm my
carnivorous ascent”
Is it really like a wolf on a hunt for meat to some of you fellas. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing cause i like to be chased. I thought it was very powerful, it had force, it had passion even though it was short. I felt the anticipation of the pursuit in the referrence above. The wolf very mysterious animal.
barnabykent reviewed Version 1 -
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What it takes to really do it…interesting, hadn’t thought about that, its true though. got a little glimpse of the werewolf duality in myself after reading this, I mean its not much more than that.
you make me weak at the knees is dark and juicy and the imagery makes you almost smell it. Sounds worked well.
I particularly liked ‘will calm my carnivorous ascent.’ and ‘unchallenged grace, such telepathic radiance’
Didn’t like the lips being thin for some reason. think it’s an old memory of writing something shit or something like that.
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