Poetry / U Lipogram: Teenage American Poets

Oh my gosh – what a fantastic poem (gush-gush).  Have to say I have read absolutely loads on this site but I only bother to review things I genuinely like (there are so few).  Not sure about the limey thing – thought that was a bit cheesy – but other than that what a brilliant piece of writing.  Unfortuntely – my writing is probably as disaffected as anyone’s.  But I’m a Cockney so I’m allowed.

I like it—especially “This limey wonders/if all this teenage American poetry/is one of the seven seals.” That literally made me laugh out loud. And I think you make a good point about the states and its inhabitants. Nice work.

so, suppose i diin’t know what a “limey” was, i’d think it some sort of gerbil…? but, i’m dumb that way, and your poem is smart. but, i don’t know why, except you be limey, that you’ve a case against them until i see the word “jazz” in your poem. then i get that it’s a riff and doesn’t need a hocus-pocus debut in magistrate… doesn’t need to follow any but it’s own logic.

i enjoyed the writing. the content was mostly cnn though. and it doesn’t matter whether i agree with your sentiments… it does not mean thing, has it not swing.

the kid’s music and head space is very absorbent… little mental tampons grabbing their friend’s friend’s ideas of who on t.v. sometimes they pull their mental minds out and swab you with their meaness, and it don’t feel good at all. sad. sad. sad, but they’ve only got two or three more years of multi-level consciousness left: once they figure out what’s not going to happen to them, they’ll roll over for you. but, like, why would we want doggy tricks, when they looked so smart before? d-lemma.

but, like, too, the nation, glad we ain’t no more of britannia, cause we like being free to think anything about anyone without getting put down by people who are bitter they aren’t earls.

earth hug me, the earth i live on. who owns it? whomever owns me.

anyway, thanks for showing this.

I got lost about half way through…

I like the way you progress from internal to external conflicts. Actually, a pretty profound statement. Coming from a yank, that is.

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September 13, 2006

by Rovey

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
317	91.4% (58 votes)	19.6%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
31	M	United Kingdom	September 29

Thanks for the review.  I do hold very dear the belief that all external conflicts are manifestations of internal woes. ;)

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As a person who has written disaffected youth poetry (maybe I still do) I wanted to be angry and offended, but it is so beautifully said, that I can only be a little jealous that my perspective is so clearly based in my cultural surroundings.
The line breaks are very effective. The poem is well paced; and I really like the idea (or perhaps just the way you express it) that American youth has lost its way because it has lost its ability to see beyond itself.

This limey let us have it. I was a little exhausted by the time I reached the end of you piece. I think it made alot of good points but I felt like I had to read it in a rush to keep up with the flow you presented. If I slowed down I had to back up to get it. I think it was a good piece some parts knocked me down and others picked me back up again. At the same time I think these are the qualities of a good piece to be able to send its reader through a myriad of emotions and still get IT!. I think I saw one spelling error in the word civilization but I didn’t know if you intended to have an s or not. Oh the other thing that got me was first stanza eight line “wrapping in its shiney lined rapping paper” were you saying these art’s are being wrapped in this shiney paper then spewed out like a “rapper” (hip hop sense) so acerbic acidic and “freestyle”. Also I was a little confused about lines 12-13. I can understand the metaphorical brick walls, but it was kind of hard to tie that line with 13 megaliths of gall. Isn’t magaliths some kind of stone monument or something like that used in prehistoric cultures. Then there was the gall! Gall has so many uses wasn’t sure which you meant. I hope you don’t mind me asking really these are just questions in mind. I am not a judge and I did enjoy the piece. Just questions in mind.

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September 11, 2006

by Rovey

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
317	91.4% (58 votes)	19.6%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
31	M	United Kingdom	September 29

Thanks for the review. To answer your question about the walls part of it, I guess I was trying to say that the poetry of the modern world is full of that “I am talking to a brick wall most of the time” angst that suggests that the poets of today are feeling increasingly alienated and the megaliths of gall, represents that ancient trend for teenagers to be full of anger at the injustices they percieve in the status quo.

The rapping wrapping is exactly as you called it. The fact that increasingly poetry as an artform is being consumed by the freestylers and slammers of this world, and again there is just so much anger in so much that is written.

Hope that clears things up a bit.

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You are so brilliant, in these times we need more poetry like this. Loved dropping their U, it works on so many levels. Don’t take things personally and your art will never melt.

Interesting observations.  Good description of the teens going postal – can see the high schools being fired on now by the lost trench coat kids.

Good pondering.

Before i could understand this, i had to read this again. Reading this, like some of your other work i’ve seen, is like trying to follow a bullet, you’ve got a clear target ( here it’s an America watered down by it’s own angst), but your images and ideas are presented so quickly. I really like that you kept the lipogram going until the last line, just to create that “irony”. Thanks, I enjoyed this.