Poetry / Hippie

I really like the descriptions; you did very well on that aspect.  The subject is also very interesting; to write about a hippie?  Lol, I guess.  Good Job,
        Ally

little confused near the end, but nice writing

I really enjoyed this piece. You had so many wonderful visuals in there, all of the lovely and fun things that trees can be and do…I especially liked ‘shading the summer children and dividing the sun so fairly.’

The last two lines were perfect. I want to be that tree..hug me. Indeed, you made it sound quite ‘huggable’.

A fun and happy piece.

The title is perfect. Its a great extended metaphor….’

‘that shades the summer children’

didn’t quite ring as truthfully with the rest. But very nice work.

This is a good piece of work, but a few things made it harder to read. I want to be that tree- great line, but it isn’t used in rhythm and is a less effective passage because of it. Put it in there between passages of equal number of lines. I didn’t understand the mirror balls line. Please, please lose the last line. You are so intelligent and aware and creative, do something better to finish this thoughtful and vivid piece. I can see the tree, wearing the bunting and sheltering children beneath the boughs gone to fruit. Good poem, but the title is confusing. I bet there’s a story behind that! Thanks for a nice read.

I think its really fantasic but I dont know if I can hang with all of the “and”s
other then that I cant say anything, I think you are a fantastic writer. I think you could change the title, its ok, but not as good as the poem itself

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October 10, 2006

by Rovey

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
317	91.5% (59 votes)	19.6%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
32	M	United Kingdom	September 29

Thanks for the review. About the title, I am going to leave it more cryptic I think, see the above comment.

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That end kind of tossed me off.  I understand what you mean by wanting to ‘be a tree’, but this poem seems to lack a lot of something I can’t really place, while at the same time it has four, five ideas meshed together all at once.  The images are clear,but not very creative, though I like the “tall proud” and “smartly dressed” part. It’s okay, but it needs some work.

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October 10, 2006

by Rovey

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
317	91.5% (59 votes)	19.6%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
32	M	United Kingdom	September 29

I think you are missing the placement of the image.  There is a tradition in the UK of decorating trees at festivals and fetes and that underpins the poem. I was thinking of altering the title to point more people to this but I am not sure I will now. Sometimes if you cannot see something, it just isn’t aimed at you.   Thanks for the review.

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Hello,

Lovely verse and sentiment. I’d be proud to have written this if it were mine. I wouldn’t change anything.

Thank you, I enjoyed reading this.

~D. Marlar

LOL!  I liked the endng to this piece and its fun natural quality.  All trees need a hug now and again!  Intersting take on the subject and some good imagery.
Nice write.
xxx

Great title for this poem, and I liked some of the wording – refreshing in a world where people’s vocabulary list grows shorter and shorter.  A good mixture of attracting and giving attention in your description.

Summer