Poetry / a moment in time

time slips backwards for a bit
and i’m standing in science class again
the group is planning a project
and then i see you
standing outside the window
looking at me
our eyes meet
and they stick like glue
i can hear the ones behind me talking
but i dont hear them
i see the ones behind you urging you to get to class
but you dont hear them
our eyes have met
and we are all alone in our own little world
a paradise for two
i think that class is starting now
but i dont care
i dont want to look away now
i dont want to miss the view before me right now
i am trapped by your gaze
lost in your eyes forever
and only you can set me free
you smile now
locked into your spell
weaving it about my mind
your spell of love
i am helpless in your enchantment
i am lost in your eyes
i am falling in love with you
mercilessly you toy with me
you are late for class now
but you wont look away
you know that i am under your spell
or maybe you are under it too
in my mind i take you in my arms and kiss you
and ask you to be mine
in my mind i want to hold you so bad
i reach for you slowly
then i hear my name
someone behind me has been calling to me
its time to take my seat now
the spell is breaking
i am losing your eyes
i touch the glass and then you turn and walk away
the moment has passed

Reviews

August 29, 2007

starlightdream

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	93.3% (30 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
35	F	Alliance, NE	April 16

starlightdream reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

I love the thought of this piece, but I don’t love this piece.

This is really choppy, I feel as though it’s a rough draft.

First capatilize I, I could see the error once, but not every time. Where’s the punctuation?

I would suggest taking some time, sitting down with word and touching this piece up.

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August 29, 2007

khufu_99

REVIEW QUALITY: 100.0%(1 vote ) personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	76.2% (21 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
35	M	Union, NJ	October 18

khufu_99 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100%% of the Item

i love it when an artist or author can capture a fleeting moment and make it seem almost eternal. I know that if this moment actually happened it probably was as brief as a few seconds but this type of “love” has a way of burning into our minds especially if we are romantic at heart. i really would like to know the ages of the people involved. Are they in college or High school or are they younger. Trust me we all have had moments like this but tragically they never last.

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May 04, 2008

by ray336

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	66.7% (6 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
42			May 04

they were in high school. about 16ish. true story. =)

May 04, 2008

by ray336

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	66.7% (6 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
42			May 04

they were in high school. about 16ish. true story. =)

May 04, 2008

by ray336

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
0	66.7% (6 votes)	100.0%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
42			May 04

thank you for the kind words. dont get many here. it seems like a lot of heartache to have to go thru to get reviews of one’s personal works, and get dissed constantly. i mean it might be worth it if i was getting paid to publish here, but i dont. i reviewed someone the other day just to get some credits and then i got deleted and threatened for my honest opinion. frankly, it aint WoRth it. and an i is still an i even if its not an I. has nothing to do with the price of beans. and since there are so many experts here who dont think that three words that rhyme in a pooem can make a limerick, maybe i shouldnt hang out with the experts anyway. have these pros ever heard of poetic license or free verse? i wonder. i mean I.

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