Poetry / The Pragmatist

Maverick stars have no magnitude,
hers formed the constellation Cancer,
on film, on the right of her brain, indicating points
that were eating, without reason, life’s desire.

She scoffed at this, laughed and had attitude,
early found, hope her stoic position.
She paid no attention, losing touch and then vision,
When she no longer laughed, she didn’t lose heart.
That would be the last to go. Taste, she was told, would be next.

Now she made a request: help me pick out my dress.
She was a woman of style. To her
death was simply another occasion, an attitude
one must assume, with manners, for it has no point,
her position quite firm. She was a woman of much magnitude.

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starblue avatar General Stranger

April 27, 2008

starblue

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starblue reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

This I read as a tribute to someone losing a battle with death.  It is well written.  No signs of grammer or spelling problems that I noted.  The lines were a little obscure to me, in places, but flowed well together.  I liked the respect and caring that shined through the lines. a good read

mountainwiccan avatar General Stranger

April 17, 2008

mountainwiccan

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mountainwiccan reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Gosh I loved this poem, It had such depth and cleverly encapsulated the idea of ageing without the need to overtly express this. The initial stanza was fantastic – utilising space imagery.
What I particularly enjoyed was the manner in which you introduced the notion of dignity to the poem which you expressed in the third person. You appear to have real talent and I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.

DajohE avatar General Stranger

April 09, 2008

DajohE

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DajohE reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

this is truly great poem.
This poem will take you far,
this is the type of poem that someone would read and they would see life completely different.
Great job,
keep it up.

summers_ann avatar General Stranger

April 03, 2008

summers_ann

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summers_ann reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

i really liked this. beautiful. i was taking in right away. i think in the first stanza it might sound better if you took out the second ‘on’ in the third line. in the second stanza i hard a hard time understanding the second line, “hope her stoic position.” should there be a comma after hope? i loved the ending. keep it up!

GothicRayne avatar General Stranger

March 30, 2008

GothicRayne

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GothicRayne reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

This flows nicely together and I like it a lot. Its sad though, feeling very in depth. Good Job.

chelly avatar General Stranger

March 19, 2008

chelly

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chelly reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Very nicely done. Cancer is a tough thing to write about, especially death from cancer but you did a very good job with this.

caveboypedro avatar General Stranger

March 03, 2008

caveboypedro

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caveboypedro reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

YOur words and style are orderly and original. I enjoyed this poem very much.

altosaxgeek5 avatar General Stranger

February 29, 2008

altosaxgeek5

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altosaxgeek5 reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

Very interesting.  I’m not quite sure I understand what you’re trying to convey, but very interesting all the same.  The ending is effective and appropriate.  I personally wouldn’t place a comma after “Cancer,” but you may see things differently.  I also find the first stanza slightly herky-jerky to read.  Overall, nice sounds.  

LingoDiva avatar General Stranger

February 25, 2008

LingoDiva

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LingoDiva reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

This poem reminds me exactly of a woman I know who has her entire funeral planned out.  You have captivated the moments of people like this who plan their own deaths with dignity and grace.  It is not a sad poem, as it could have very well have been.  Instead, it is a positive poem showing how people with “magnitude” can live out their lives to the end with superiority and, shall I say again, grace and dignity.

This is a fantastic poem.  Do not change a thing.

BeccathePromoMami avatar General Stranger

February 23, 2008

BeccathePromoMami

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BeccathePromoMami reviewed Version 1 - Read 100% of the Item

I like how you mixed in the diction of astronomy with the subject of the poem’s predicament (which I’m sure she wouldn’t have viewed as a predicament at all).  I think you successfully created a character that was both grand and vulnerable.  By comparing her to the ethereal, you make her something to aspire to, but by giving her an incurable illness, you also make the reader feel like they SHOULD pity her – but you make it clear in the second and third stanza that your character would have it no other way.

Your imagery is seamless.  The first stanza was almost too fluid in its transition from talking about stars to the mention of the character – I had to read it twice before I understood what was happening.  The second stanza does a beautiful job of comparing the character’s failing health to a dimming star.

Great read.

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Willow_Wren avatar

Willow_Wren

Age: 62
Loc: Germantown, NY
Gen: F
Last Login: December 01
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