Poetry / One

hello,

• typo on 4th line with desire. and 8th line, need a space after semi-colon.

• this is really good – apart from two lines:
  “as doves cry” (really?  lose this, can’t help but think Prince, which hurts)
  “eyes wide shut”, is horrific tom cruise film title
  - these usages of film/song titles is really distracting, and destroys any heart-felt message to the reader.

as i say, i really like this, but PLEASE think about changing those lines.  hope this is helpful.

this was really good… i really liked the descriptive words you used. you were really able to capture my attention and their was deffinately a lot of emotion in this.

I love deep poetry that has more than just a surface meaning: the kind that I have to read a few times over in order to form my own interpretation of it.  And that’s exactly what this is.  Every line of the poem seems to be very well thought-out.  I love that!  I want to say the first three lines are my favorites, but then as I go over the rest, I realize they’re all great.  

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August 28, 2006

by ljinfintely

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
18	100.0% (4 votes)	20.6%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
30			August 28

thank you for such honest feedback, I appreciate it.  It is nice to know that my words do touch those who read them.  I hope you visit more and review them all, I will do the same for you.

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